Way, WAY more than 13 lines. When you copied it into the post box all you needed to do was count the lines there. The box has a fixed width.By my count, the end of the 13th line was:
quote:
She took a deep breath, trying in vain to get her stomach to stop churning, and verified that the last bolts were tight.
I won't be reading past there.
Anyway. Nice opening paragraph, really caught me right away. Second paragraph was a little confusing, given it's nihilistic tone, which seems in contrast to the first paragraph. I'm unclear what the initial indefinite article "It" is referring to. I'm assuming you mean 'The day had started off...'
Third paragraph is a little redundant. Seeing as you say they're making adjustments, then specific state what adjustments are being made. The fact that a 'pre-launch' checklist is involved is interesting, and changes what I initially conceived of their machine looking like. I'm guessing now it's a rocket. One that isn't intended to explode.
Last paragraph (as stated above, the 13th line) fine, and slowing building the tension of a display about to occur.
This seems interesting enough. The opening line caught my attention enough that I'd keep reading past the first page, at least to see what this is all about. An exploding invention is not terribly interesting on its own, but your initial line sets up the suspense well enough that I'd give you the opportunity to show me something exciting to keep my interest for the rest of the book.
I'm not sure why you're down on this. It's a good start. At least based on the first 13 lines that I've read.
--TD