posted
Wow. Very good (not that I have the experiance/knowledge to critique). I especially like the end.
Posts: 208 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
It's a definite improvement, but I found myself catching on one of your stylistic choices whenever I read it. Do you mean to so strongly anthromorphize everything in the poem except yourself? (Note, BTW, that this would not be a bad thing, but that I couldn't tell whether it was deliberate.)
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
I find it hard to picture any kind of light except in the first section. You could use light more powerfully, IMO, maybe contrasting its lightness with its lack of warmth.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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