posted
Novak is a cool last name! For some reason, I thought his last name was Smith. Then you'd both want to change your names!
I'm a pretty independent anti-stereotype kind of gal... the only registry gift I really wanted was a DeWalt cordless drill/driver, and though I spent weeks designing, building, and painting our Chuppah (including a quick 3D previs), I put the dress off to the very last minute and dreaded the shopping experience. Get the picture?
But, I did decide to take Mark's last name, for a simple reason: my maiden name comes from a father I haven't seen since I was 7 years old, and doesn't mean much to me. Mark's name means a whole lot to him, and he's the last of his line to carry it on (unless his sister keeps hers!). So the choice was pretty easy for me. Though my name is even more bizarre now, half looks masculine Indian or African, half looks Russian and/or Jewish. And I'm about as white-bread as they come! Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
That's sweet and I can see that perspective, Anna.
But just wanted to point out -- legally you can give a child ANY name you choose -- it doesn't have to be the father's last name, or even your last name. This again is just a matter of societal custom, rather than law.
posted
Farmgirl - I had never considered that as a possibility. How cool! I doubt we'll do that - I have no problem with the kidlets getting his name - but it's an interesting option nevertheless!
Edit: I posted this before I read the second page. Now I'll add the next comment. Of COURSE the child can have any last name, regardless of either parent. Options galore!
posted
What I meant is that in a sense, we women mark our children by bearing them, and men by giving them their name. Two very important things. By the way, I may have though differently if for some reason I disliked Vinnie's last name, but I like it, it sounds like the country he is from (South West of France).
[ January 04, 2005, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I actually don't have huge problems from the philisophical side of changing one's last name. However I happen to be with someone who has close to the worst last name possible to go with my own, even though I *don't* like my last name.
Anna Jo Isbell vs Anna Jo Jones, uh yeah, I don't want to be "Jo-Jo". I think maybe Anna Jo Isbell-Jones would be the way to go, should we ever up and get married. Though I'm lazy and even if we should get married I don't know that I want to go through the paperwork hassle of changing it.
posted
I think I would keep my own last name for at least professional purposes. But I'd be willing to change my last name for all other purposes. Although I have to say that my name is super cool and I'd be a little bored if someone expected me to change my last name to Smith or something after all, my first name is boring enough!
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I personally think Jamie Novak sounds awesome.
quote: I have four names. People with four names are cool.
I am jealous.
quote: Make him take your name...
That is just as acceptable as him "making" her take his name.
I felt much like Verily. It would have saddened me if Mary had had problems with taking my name. I personally wanted her to keep her maiden name as a middle name, but she didn't want to.
quote: In my family, though, we're still identified as family even though my aunt has a different last name. I don't know how to say this without telling my last name which I'm not comfortable saying.
We do that in my family too. We refer to each other as Smiths [not real name], even though that was my *grandmother's* maiden name, and she isn't eve alive anymore. We don't always do that -- only when we are talking about our Smithness.
quote: I have a friend who was given his mother's maiden name as his middle name. I thought doing that was a cool tribute to his mom's family.
My father's family did that -- him and all of his brothers have the middle name [Smith]. My grandmother was shocked and apalled when they didn't give me my mom's maiden name. Instead they gave me Porter as a middle name.
quote: The idea of changing a name you've had all your life used to seem very strange to me.
I was [Charles] (not real name) for 18 years until I changed my name to Porter. Not legally -- it was already my middle name. But I did change the name I went by.
quote: But just wanted to point out -- legally you can give a child ANY name you choose -- it doesn't have to be the father's last name, or even your last name. This again is just a matter of societal custom, rather than law.
In some countries, it is a law. IIRC, there is a list of acceptable names that you can name a child in Germany. If the name isn't on the list, you can't name a child that. This was an issue a few years ago with an American living over there when she gave birth.
Also, I think you have to give the child a Japanese last name in Japan. I know that my brother had to take his wife's last name in order to be married in Japan. So in Japan they legally have her last name, while in America they legally have his. That seems fair.
posted
I don't remember ever really discussing the whole issue before getting married. I chose to take my husband's last name and make my maiden name my middle name (dropping my previous middle name, to which I didn't have any attachment). As I saw it, I was the same person I had been before (Amanda [maiden name]) and in marrying I was adding a whole new dimension to myself - him, so it seemed natural to me to be Amanda [maiden name] [husband's name].
I think hyphenated names are kinda silly, because of their length and they somehow strike me as being wishywashy (I couldn't decide what my name should be so I did both to cover all my bases), but that is definitely just my opinion.
I think you you should do what you and Nate want to do. Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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A weird sort of Mormon custom (weird in that it only happens sometimes, with some Mormons) is to give your sons the mother's maiden name for a middle name and to give the daughters no middle name - the maiden name becomes their middle name when they get married. A lot of historical figures in the church have names like this, and it has always stricken me as rather proto-feminist.
I, however, like the concept of giving a child a middle name. And not just a one-syllable name to make the rhythm nice like Lynn or Anne or Rae. I have always enjoyed the fact that in my family, we all have rather substantial middle names that have as much thought put into them as the first names. My Mom made sure that each name had a meaning that she agreed with and thus my youngest brother, whose names Hagan and Lucas mean "chosen son" and "light," respecitvely, is a "chosen son of light."
I think our individual names give us more identity than our last name, though our last name is rather unifying and my mom chose to keep it even after her divorce. I, however, feel no attachment to the name, which I see as a remnant of my white trash heritage. I had an uncle once tell my brother: "You're a Majors, and that means you don't never have to marry no ugly woman."
I will gladly take my husband's name when we get married, but as my pen name I want to use my first and middle name, as a way of acknowledging that author-me is uniquely me, married or not. I'd also like to acknowledge my mom's side of the family and wish I could do so in the naming of my kids, but there's no way I'm saddling any of them with any sort of adaptation of "Fleischer."
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
None of my aunts on either side had middle names until they got married.
When we had our first daughter, I assumed that we would do the same, and not give her a middle name. Mary let me know that this was unacceptable. I had never really thought about it, and I know that I've been happy to have a middle name, so we have given our daughters middle names and broken that tradition.
Nobody has even mentioned it, so either nobody cared, or they are all too polite.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Decided that I'll do the last name to middle name change. My current middle name--Lynn--I have no real attachment to. It's my last name, Taylor, that I do. So Jamie Taylor Novak should work out well.
But what paperwork will I have to do? O_O
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Only you and Nate can decide- FWIW, I ahve a hyphenated name, not my maiden name ( I was really ready to shuck that) but my gram's maiden name hyphenated to my husbands name. It bothered me that everyone said "Soon there'll be no more Carodiskeys" so I decided to become one.
Good luck on a decision.
Posts: 1021 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I'm enjoying reading all the different perspectives on this one. I do think Jamie Taylor Novak sounds great, though
In the culture I come from, most people have a string of family names. It's normal to take your father's name as your middle name (so I'm Amira Azim Tharani). I like that, especially in big families - you can trace a whole family history through a string of middle names. My nan can trace hers back about 9 generations.
When you marry, though, you swap your husband's name for your fathers: so if I were to marry my current significant other (which may not happen) and to take his name (which equally may not happen) I would be Amira Robert Chilvers and wouldn't keep any of my family names at all. My mum and my nan both did that, but I'm not sure I will. Still, it's an academic question at this point, at least for me Posts: 1550 | Registered: Jun 1999
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Amira, I love your name! What culture do you come from? It sounds possibly Muslim, although I could be so severely wrong on that.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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My aunt married a Lebanese man of Christian heritage. His family's naming customs fascinate me. His name is Joseph Michael Hanania and his father's name is Michael Joseph, and his grandfather is Joseph Michael, and so he named his son.... Michael Joseph.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
What do you all think of the custom of going by Mrs. (husband's first and last name)? In some parts of the South, I know it's still done but it seems to have fallen quite out of fashion. I might call myself that every once in a while just to be deliberately old fashioned, because it intrigues me.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
I think you made a great decision, I think it sounds great and it's the best of both worlds - Taylor is still a part of your name and you and Nate will share a last name.
When I got married I decided not to do that, I wasn't attached to my maiden name at all, so kept my middle and took Wes' last name.
Interestingly, I've thought now that it would be cool to have my birth name back (we were adopted by my stepfather so my maiden name is HIS name but now that I have my birth father back in my life, I'd kind of like to have that name again) Which would mean changing my middle name to my birth name - it wouldn't mess up my initials any, as my middle name starts with the same letter.
I've also considered taking my birth name as a pen name, if I ever do finish anything and try to get published again.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Jamie, getting married is the one time that you get the chance to change your name with no hassles at all. The application for your marriage license will ask you for your name pre-marriage and your name post-marriage, and that’s all there is to it. After you get the copy of your marriage certificate, you take it around to any place that needs to change their records – driver’s license, social security office, etc.
quote:There is only one way to solve this.
You will need a good pen and lots of paper.
In flowery script (little doodles of houses and flowers on the borders of each page are recommended but not required), write each possible variant at least a dozen times. (Dreamy look during this process is optional.)
When you're done, you'll know.
That's what I did.
Edit: But since so much correspondence is now done online, you should also type all possible variations in multiple fonts.
posted
I've got a question while we're on the subject of names - (and since Jamie has decided I don't feel so bad about hijacking for my own purposes)
Is it important as a writer to have a last name people can pronounce? I mean, if I change to my birth name as a pen name, I don't think it will be pronounced correctly by many people unless they speak French.
Does that matter?
For the curious it's RoulierPosts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Belle, I thought about that too. I wanted to use my first name Anneke as a pen name, but very few people pronounce it correctly. I thought about being Anna K. Morgan, but then I thought that was a little too prosaic.
Does it bug you when you can't pronounce an author's name?
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Adrian, I'm not sure about the pen name thing, I never considered it, actually, since my name is generally hard to screw up pronunciation wise. Hmmmm. Dang.
As for the Mrs. Husband's Name thing, I HATE that. I seriously do, because it takes away your name entirely. That is part of my identity, and I wouldn't respond to that. Mr. & Mrs. Novak, that's fine. But not Mrs. Nathan Novak. ...okay, apparently that's a sure way to piss me off. Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Mainly because when I recommend a book to someone I don't want to sound like an idiot.
I'm one of those auditory readers, I pronounce everything in my head and I get very frustrated with names in Science Fiction stories that aren't easy to pronounce.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Hey, that whole Mrs. Husband's First Name Husband's Last Name thing would piss me off, too. Do I have my own personality, or don't I?
If you've met me in person, you surely know the answer to that. And if necessary, I WILL beat it into you.
As for author names - Anneke, I would go with Anneke. It's a much more interesting name, and if that will make people look at your book cover a second time, then you're further along already. I don't care if I can't pronounce author's names correctly. I just make up my own version until I know better. But I definitely like interesting names.
And now that you brought this up, dagnabbit but I might have to change my mind on my own pen name as a result. Using initials is too . . . boring. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Holy crap, I'm the same way. I HATE it when I can't figure out how to pronounce a name.
I think it stems from childhood, and learning to read out loud in first grade. I came across the name Jacob pronounce it with a short a and not a long a.
posted
Well guessed, Quid! It's Muslim - my name and my father's are both Arabic, though we are of Indian extraction... actually, my dad's family is originally Iranian - the name Tharani is a Gujarati corruption of Tehrani, as in "from Tehran." So the name as a whole is a pretty good indication of where I'm from. Which is why I'm kind of attached to it.
Posts: 1550 | Registered: Jun 1999
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mac, I think you've made a good decision too, fwiw. It was really important to my son that he have the same last name as I have -- a difficulty when I remarried. I considered briefly keeping my *first* husband's name, but my second husband had a big problem with it. (In the long run, I'm glad we didn't do that, for our daughter's sake.) We asked my first husband if we could change his son's last name, which was a problem, since our son is named after him and has a IV at the end of his name (being the fourth of that name, obviously). He said no. In the end, we waited a year, then I went ahead and went to court to have my son's name changed over the objections of my first husband. My son is much happier with his new name and if, at some point, he wants to go back to the name he was born with, he can go to court and do it himself. I'll even pay for it. Some kids don't care about it, but my son really did.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I think about this sometimes. My father only has daughters and I'm not impressed with the caliber of the rest of the family who shares our last name and I hate the idea of the carrying-on of it going to them. But I have pretty much decided I'll use my maiden name for a pen name, and then have my "real" name take his last name...unless my future husband, whoever he ends up being, wants my last name.
I also think about such things when I meet guys. I consider their last names and such, and not only how they would sound with my name, but also whether I like it. Maybe that's shallow, but I figure, if you're stuck with it as your new name for the rest of your life...then it kind of matters!
Posts: 119 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Before I gor married I had published several scientific papers under my maiden name so I did not change my name. At least that's the official story. I probably wouldn't have wanted to change my name any way. My name is part of me and my heritage -- it would have seemed strange to me to change it even though my mother and 3 of my 4 sisters changed their names without giving it a second thought.
I decided, when I got married, that I would keep my maiden name legally and professionally and use my husbands name at church and for social occasions. That has ended up being rather confusing. It is really kind of embarrassing when people ask you your last name and you give them a blank stare while your trying to remember what name you should use for this occasion.
My observation is that very few professional women change their names when they get married. Women who have not established a professional career before they marry, most commonly do change their names.
It used to be really confusing to people when families didn't all have the same last name, but it has become so common now that it is almost assumed.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
I think about this sometimes. My father only has daughters and I'm not impressed with the caliber of the rest of the family who shares our last name and I hate the idea of the carrying-on of it going to them. But I have pretty much decided I'll use my maiden name for a pen name, and then have my "real" name take his last name...unless my future husband, whoever he ends up being, wants my last name.
I also think about such things when I meet guys. I consider their last names and such, and not only how they would sound with my name, but also whether I like it. Maybe that's shallow, but I figure, if you're stuck with it as your new name for the rest of your life...then it kind of matters!
Posts: 119 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Amira - that is so totally cool! If it were me, I'd want to keep, too. You've got a great name!
Does that also mean you're Muslim? As in, my husband may not be the only one here? Although, he seems to come here only a very once in a while, so I'm not sure he even really counts . . .
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
There's also the option of changing your name and the using your maiden name professionally. I think if/when I get marrried I might do that -- do the maiden name as middle name approach, but in the workplace still use my original name without my husband's. Obviously this is academic for me too, but that's always the way I thought I'd do it.
Posts: 1784 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I think Taylor-Novak actually sounds okay, provided that Nathan also changes to Taylor-Novak. I think sharing a last name is another way to be symbolically one. If that floats your boat. They aren't too insanely long for that to work.
My husband did offer to take my last name, actually. He's a bit of a noncomformist. Too bad I decided he was just being nice. There will probably never be another Brad Chiu.
My oldest sister was thinking of keeping her first husband's name because they had a daughter together, but after the ceremony the first time she was called "Mrs. [2nd husband's name]" she decided she liked it.
My next sister kept her name and had several fits when Mom kept assuming her legal name would now be "Mrs. [1st husband's name]". Like on Mom's last will and testament. I don't know if there are legal conventions granting recognition in such a case. Maybe it calls the "being of sound mind" clause into question. Her second husband had a definite preference that she take his name, so she did, eventually. So you don't have to decide right away.
All I did was send for a new social security card with a copy of my marriage certificate, to take my husband's name. A hyphenate may require legal documentation, in which case it is another expense.
On the whole feminist issue, if you don't take your husband's name you still have your father's name, or your grandfather's name on back. Unless you want to adopt a uniquely feminist name like Wimynpower Posts: 666 | Registered: Dec 2003
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