I have a watch strapped to my inner thigh, just in case.

When I hear "world beat" music, I go all Abo-on-yer-@ss.

I have the mates to all your mismatched socks.

I know why the caged bird sings.

I came up with the idea for double-stuffed Oreos.

If I hold my hand a certain way, it is a perfect replica of an F-16 fighter jet.

I have a "Grand Funk Railroad" CD, and it's not being used as a coaster.

I own two pairs of undies, but one is only used for nasty spills and clean-up.

I run an underground organ transplant operation. I specialize in prostates.

Sometimes I get really drunk and scream "I love you - Take me back, baby!" at random houses for a minimum of thirty minutes, maximum of two hours.

I... I find CarrotTop entertaining and comedically enjoyable.

I don't use them for dusting.

I got them off the Internet.

It was Bob's web site.

He was using the money to buy some silly watch.

I watch the watchmen.

Its boring.

I do know where the camera is.

That's why I make those majestic poses.

Stop giggling. Stop pointing.

I am not the walrus. I just look like one.

Everything I type is a lie.

I type the above into every computer I run across.

Contrary to every 60's and 70's sci fi tv show and movie, I have yet to get one computer to explode afterword from a massive logical error.

I have to use a small amount of plastic explosives for that.

I like that in a group of people.

Did you all know that if you stick your finger in your belly button and sniff it, it smells? Amazing, isn't it?

I'm weird.

I came up with the original idea for the first answering machine.

I have a birthmark in the shape of the old city of Jerusalem.

I use a hammer and chisel to complete most jigsaw puzzles.

I gave my dog rabies.

I make my own cheese and beer in the bathtub and consequently haven't washed in years.

I have one ear that's been pummeled into a shape that is remarkably Ralphie-like. My nose now looks like Dan.

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My nose now looks like Dan.

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Think about that the next time Bob picks on me.

I can can-can. (is the Can-can another name for recyling aluminum?)

I ask strange questions and give strange answers.

I was Shan in another life.

I have been married for over 14 years and still only have unrestricted access to my own belly button. (My wife is ticklish)

I am lint gone crazy.

I'm actually a cross-dresser named "Desire".

I haven't told my husband.

Before I take a shower in the morning I smell faintly of corn chips.

Sometimes I set up flares around my car in the right lane during rush hour to see how long I can get away with it.

I'm responsible for spray-on butter.

I have rediscovered fire twelve times in my life.

I once gave a three-hour yodeling lesson to the Pope.

I had all my DNA changed over to RNA and I feel much better now.

I have a watch with a minute hand, millennium hand and an eon hand. And when they meet, it's a happy land.

But I'm VERY impressed that you knew it was a TMBG line. 10+ points to Icarus!!!

(long time gone, Constantinople.)

I will not do all the housework my wife is commanding me to. I will not. No way. Not today.

PS:

Ralphie: Does this mean I can blame everything I did wrong yesterday on you? If so, are you ever in deep trouble now.

Shan: I don't remember much of your past life. It could be because of the trauma of death and birth. Or it could be a whole lot of alcohol was involved.

Bob_S: If you give out all the points in life, what is the point of life?

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I have the mates to all your mismatched socks.

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Birth and death are such transitory things, after all.

When you are done with your housework, would you help me with mine?

I am secretly molding porcelain girl into a set of fine china.

Whatever I dream comes true with a vengence.

I control my road rage by running over famous authors riding bicycles.

My dog peed on the the tree of life.

I throw empty beer cans at my neighbor's head.

My cat has one hugely engorged nipple surrounded by dried, matted hair from all the nipple-sucking he does to himself.

I eat community beer-nuts in seady bars.

I... I think the Beatles are kind of loopy.

I can find quality programming on the WB.

I'm a good actor.

JANE if you were so unimaginative you wouldn't have put the periods in your name. All you need is to create the real words your name is initial's for. My guess--Just Another Natural Enigma.

fine, if you really insist....

I'm actually plotting world domination and am done with my first two phases.

Now if only I could find a deep sea submursible and five cases of spam. Then I'd be truly on my way.

J.A.N.E--If I guessed that you were an Enigma, does that mean you are no longer an enigma? Ouch--Brain strain.

Now for my deepest darkest famous secrets....

I know what you did last summer.
but I'm not to sure what I did last Saturday night.

I am really Herbert Jr, and I'm spying trying to figure out what OSC has that I don't.

Heinlein is alive and well, living aboard the Gay Deciever--just not in this time frame.

Tolkien is alive. He sailed off into the west.

Frodo Lives, and babysits for my Aunt on alternate tuesdays. He no longer accepts gifts of jewelry.

Douglas Adam's ghost haunts the local public library. He just floats around and moans, "Censor this you old biddy."

Frank Herbert's secret is out. Spice is actually a Jalopena left in the sun too long.

Mark Twain is riding Halley's comet. He plans to get off, but every time it comes near, he takes a look around the world, and decided to keep looking for better neigbors.

Elvis lives--as a small fried food eating hill outside Memphis.

Poe is definately dead. He likes it that way.

Dan,Must have been a lucky guess... considering you never really met me and therefore you could not come to the conclusion that I am an enigma by reading a few posts on a list.
*continues to think*
Unless of course you have some deep dark secret that would allow you to come to those sort of conclusions via Hatrack. *stares at screen looking to see if there is a tiny Dan hiding behind the Submit Reply button*

*snerk*...Elvis...hill...hehehe

I invented the 14th - 32nd Inuit names for snow.

I sell all my empty pens to a guy who thinks they have invisible ink in them.

I am typing this with the severed hand I bought at a yard sale last week.

Every junk email you have ever gotten is from me, directly or indirectly.

I'm secretly in love with Grima from TTT. (Though I wish he'd call me)

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I use a pair of Ralphie's underwear in place of toilet paper.

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That's a good way to get an infection!