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Sid Meier: Will the Liberals keep their minority government? and if not who will win?
Sheesh! Doesn't anyone have a non-crystal-ball question? Anyway, after the last election I've taken a hiatus from political prognostication. I can tell you that I'd like to see both houses in Congress taken over by level-headed moderates of any stripe. But I'd like to see peace on Earth, too.
Next, will the republicans win again in 2008?
Some will win and some will lose. . . .
. . . .some were born to sing the blues. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Teshi: How can I make my friend feel better when she thinks her dreams have been smashed?
First, be her friend and support here in her disappointment. Let her cry about her loss or failure, and just listen. Most people need to vent and know they are being heard. When something bad happens, a lot of people are looking for sympathy for a while before they're looking for advice or remedies. As she progresses beyond this stage (which is different for different people) remind her that it's never over until it's over. Until then there are only set-backs. Help her re-evaluate her goals, and if they haven't changed, help her see alternative ways around whatever it is that has seemingly smashed her dreams.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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katharina: Why do straight men drool over gay women?
Somewhat odd to ask that of a gay man, but I'll tackle the question. First, you have to get your definitions right. Straight men aren't attracted to "gay women". They are often attracted to Lesbians (tm). (Note the (tm). ) Straight men are attracted to the porn fantasy of two women together as it has been marketed to them in Hustler. This is understandable because these women are basically sex objects and nothing more. Straight men are attracted to women generally, so two of them together is twice as nice. Also, in this porn fantasy there is always the possibility of the holder of the fantasy getting in on the action.
One of the first things many men will say about a woman who isn't interested in him is that she must be "a dyke". This is also used to describe women who are strong, or authoritative, or who don't care much for make-up, dresses, or other stereotypically feminine things. Perceived lesbianism (or "gayness") in this context certainly isn't being thought of as something desirable (to the males). It is clear that it isn't the gayness of lesbians that is the turn-on. It's the hyper-sexuality of Lesbians (tm) that is the turn-on. As to exactly why that is, you'd have to ask one of them. I imagine it's for the same reason seeing two guys together turns me on.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Christy: Where does the next great adventure lie in your life?
The next "great adventure" in my foreseeable future is getting my house in a presentable condition. This is going to be especially difficult because I've run out of available cash (for the most part) and still have some major repairs left to do. Luckily those remaining repairs can wait for a little while.
Along with that is learning to become an active member of my community as a partnered gay man living in small-town PA. I'm trying to build a life with Chris that is mutually deeply rewarding. I'm also trying to stay in a good position to help my Mom in her last few years before retirement so she can enjoy that when the time comes.
I'm also toying with the idea of a career change, but it's still in the "toying" phase and has been for a while.
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Why does the window size for the Hatrack forums sometimes go bigger than the size of my screen so I have to scroll sideways as well as up and dowm?
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What is the most important quality you look for (or value) in a SO? (My apologies if that's not the correct term).
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PS, I know that one...but I will let Karl have the first answer, it IS his thread after all..... Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Kwea, I'm assuming you're referring to my question and not the one above it. I'd love to know your answer, too, after Karl's given his..... Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Why oh why didn't I read this thread earlier? It's teh awesome!
So here are some questions for you dear. Have you ever regretted bringing your cute mom to live nearby? Would I be crazy to move far away from my family to which I give a lot of support and vice versa?
As a 6'0 tall female returned missionary with a (almost) Master's Degree, do you think I intimidate people, namely men? If so, what do you think I might do to soften that a little?
Or should I just realize that the kind of guy I want will like me because I'm intimidating?
Hm. I think that's enough questions for now.
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ProverbialSunrise: Why does the window size for the Hatrack forums sometimes go bigger than the size of my screen so I have to scroll sideways as well as up and dowm?
There is something in some posts that disables the auto-wrap function in that post, making it display in one long line. What that is, I do not know, but I have seen what you describe and I believe this is the cause. Sorry to not have a clearer answer, but I've never claimed to be a UBB maven. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Lurker-Girl: What is the most important quality you look for (or value) in a SO? (My apologies if that's not the correct term).
That term is fine.
The most important quality I value in a SO is kindness. Many negative qualities can be ameliorated by kindness, and many other good qualities can be perverted if they are present in overwhelming proportion. (I.E. One can be too honest, or too thrifty, or too tidy IMO.) Another quality I value is passion. I don't mean sex, here. I think it's a given that everyone wants their SO to be passionate about them. But what I mean in this case is a strong and motivating love for something other than me, preferably for something we can share, but that's not essential.
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Narnia: Why oh why didn't I read this thread earlier?
Because until now you were content with all the other things in life for which you hold greater interest. Now you have either emptied your queue enough, or accumulated sufficient boredom enough that you are compelled to find out what is in this thread.
Have you ever regretted bringing your cute mom to live nearby?
"Cute mom"? Have you seen my mom? Anyway, to answer your question: No, I haven't regretted moving her next door one minute. In fact, I'm very happy to have her closer. More importantly (to me at least) she told me recently that she hasn't regretted one minute of moving next door.
Would I be crazy to move far away from my family to which I give a lot of support and vice versa?
Crazy? No. There are many legitimate reasons to move away from your extended family. However, don't know your specific situation so I can't tell you my opinion on your choices, if that's what you're asking.
As a 6'0 tall female returned missionary with a (almost) Master's Degree, do you think I intimidate people, namely men?
I don't know you personally, but from that description, I think it is very possible that you do intimidate many men. In my experience, many (but not all) men are intimidated by intelligent and/or assertive women.
If so, what do you think I might do to soften that a little?
I don't necessarily think you should. Being assertive and intelligent is not in itself a shortcoming. If you "play dumb" to win a man, you're just going to win a dumb man. And assuming your assertiveness isn't in pathological proportions it might not be in your best interests to tone it down on the off chance you'll be more palatable to some theoretical man.
Or should I just realize that the kind of guy I want will like me because I'm intimidating? Because of that or in spite of that, either way they'll be meeting you on your terms. The trick is knowing yourself and making sure that you aren't using intimidation as a defense mechanism to avoid intimacy. If you are reasonably sure that those qualities that scare some men off are present in you in healthy quantities I say hold off for the man that will love you and not some watered down version of you he might find easier to handle.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Olivetta: How is it possible that I have someone on my Netflix Friends list who absolutely HATED Pirates of the Caribbean?
Clearly you accept Netflix friend invitations indiscriminately.
But seriously, that movie is hilarious, so clearly they have a under-developed sense of humor and appreciation of style. And you'd think that between Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly there'd be enough eye candy alone to satisfy anyone, even if they didn't appreciate the movie itself. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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*hugs Narnia* Excellent advice. The price of toning yourself down for some guy is that you can never be yourself or really comfortable with him. Forget that.
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(((Karl))) Thank you. No, I haven't seen your mom, but from your description of her finer qualities, I just assumed that she's cute. Am I right?
And thanks Trevor and Katie. I liked your term 'watered-down.' I think I've been dating a guy (over the summers) that makes me like that. I'm just a little quieter, a little less irreverent... I was talking to JemmyGrove about him and JG said "So, this guy makes you boring, is that it?" Hm. Probably.
Thanks for taking the time to answer all my questions Karl. You're a sweetie.
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To ask a horribly embarassing and intrusive question (note that I'm carefully sitting a little farther away from my computer as I write this), is there any reason you're not dating JemmyGrove (this is where I hope that my vague impression that JG is male is true)?
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Narnia: No, I haven't seen your mom, but from your description of her finer qualities, I just assumed that she's cute. Am I right?
Well, I don't think anyone has ever called my mom "cute". She's a beautiful person of formidable pioneering strength. She has also been accused of being "intimidating". Partially that is because her "pensive" mood is sometimes easily mistaken for "pissed off". I don't think she's ever felt "pretty", and partly because of that she eschews primping products like make-up, etc. But she's beautiful to me, at least.
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posted
The question, Narnia, does he make you be quieter whether actively or passively, or does he accept you for who you are and as a result, you don't feel the need to be more grandiose than you might otherwise be?
Not everyone enjoys being the Roman candle burning bright, in the forests of the night.
-Trevor
PS And I apologize to any poetry lovers for butchering a much-beloved poem. Posts: 5413 | Registered: Jun 2004
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Since this is a thread to ask KarlEd questions, I have to wonder if kat has read the thread carefully because it seems like KarlEd already has a man, Chris.
[edit:crap, I type slow!]
KarlEd, it seems like gay couples fall into the same patterns as heterosexual couples, with one taking the role of being the emotional, caretaker type and the other being the macho, provider, protector type. Do you find this to be true, and if so, why? Is it because heterosexual couples are the more frequent examples (or the only examples) growing up? Is there a stable alternative?
And a second question (or series of questions): Stereotypically, a heterosexual male would want a perfect mate to be like the women in The Stepford Wives. In the most recent version of that movie, the "wife" half of the gay couple was made more macho, less outrageous, etc. This led me to the question, do gay men, as stereotyped by the gay community, want a mate that is more macho, provider, protector type, or a more emotional, caretaker type? Or is it split evenly?
(Readers, please note that stereotypes do not reflect reality. They are merely a misperceived, over-generalized notion of reality.)
posted
Katie, that's an interesting question. KarlEd already answered it, so I guess I don't have to now.
Just kidding. Yes JemmyGrove is male and yes there are reasons that we're not dating, but we are very good friends...good enough that he can tell if I'm 'watering myself down' for a guy. You know? (that was for Katie) Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Okay. I thought there probably were reasons, since he seems to know you very well and y'all weren't. Friends like that, who can tell when you aren't happy with someone else, are grand treasures. Lucky Narnia. Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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QUOTE]ProverbialSunrise: Why does the window size for the Hatrack forums sometimes go bigger than the size of my screen so I have to scroll sideways as well as up and down? [/QUOTE]
Karl is right, the auto wrap is disabled, but what he didn't know it that it is a long link...usually a really really long link....that causes it. If the auto wrap broke it up it wouldn't work, so the UBB just expands the window size....and since the window is now that size it stays that size for every post.
There is a way around this though, called tinyurl., which takes a really long URL and creates a shorter one for you, free of charge.
Please use it. That is all.
Also, it you make a sentance with no breaks that is too long, like KarlEd did on page 5, it can happen, although this is far more rare.
quote: What is the most important quality you look for (or value) in a SO? (My apologies if that's not the correct term).
Well, for me the correct term is the same as my answer....my wife.
I wasn't sure when I met Jenni if she was "the one", although I have no doubt now. I think that I had been looking so hard for so long that I really, really never thought it would happen, that I would never find someone I who would love me as I am rather than what they thought they could make me be. I had that offer more than once, let me tell you, but I have a lot of quirks that I LIKE, and that I didn't want to give up.
I like classical music, played the flute, and like Broadway musicals...but I am not nor ever have been gay. I got that...not a ton, but some women couldn't understand why a healthy male would turn down "free" sex....so when I said I wanted more than that, about half of them assumed I was gay. I don't care what others want, a lot of my friends didn't have the same ideas I had about sex and relationships, and that was fine....but I know what I wanted, and it wasn't to sleep around my whole life.
Funny, that...just because I held myself to a higher standard than most men, something that most women claim that they want in a man, I HAD to be gay...because everyone KNOWS that men all want sex all the time, and have no morals, right?
So when I met Jenni, I was still recovering from a woman who had wrecked me emotionally, and I wasn't ready for her yet. She had a crush on me, it was painfully obvious, but I avoided her.
She is the best thing that ever happened to me, but if I had jumped right in I wouldn't have been willing to compromise yet, and I would have lost her.
She is kind, and honest, and loving....very smart, and very verbal as well, so that I don't have to explain my verbal tangents or repeat myself no mater how fast I talk ....she is musical, loves dogs, children....and me. She accepts and loves me as I am, flaws and all, and while she might want specific things, she is honest about wanting them rather than being manipulative about them. She has the same morals and values I do, for all the important issues that we discussed.
And I felt comfortable around her from the start. I was a little scared how fast we went and how natural it felt, considering my past history, but it just felt right. Not as fast as quidscribs or some of the others here at Hatrack, but fairly fast for me.
posted
JonnyNotSoBravo: it seems like gay couples fall into the same patterns as heterosexual couples, with one taking the role of being the emotional, caretaker type and the other being the macho, provider, protector type. Do you find this to be true, and if so, why? Is it because heterosexual couples are the more frequent examples (or the only examples) growing up?
I don't really find that to be true. In both of the long-term relationships I have had I and my partner have fulfilled a mix of different roles for one another. Some of them are stereotypically female roles and some are more stereotypically manly. But I've never been in a relationship where those roles were divided clearly along gender lines. Douglas (my ex) made more money than I and was better at managing it for a long time. Some might say he was the "provider" in that respect, but only by a small margin. He certainly wasn't the "macho" one of the two of us, but then again, I'm not particularly "macho" either, but neither of us are particularly effeminite either. I'm more the bread-winner in my current relationship, but Chris gives me the emotional recharge I need, most of the time. But I do the cooking and he does the laundry and when the rest of the housekeeping gets done at all we usually split it fairly evenly.
Implied but un-asked question: If not, why?
Everyone falls in a different place along the gender spectrum. Even two fairly macho guys will conceivably fall with one a little closer to the feminine side than the other. Because our culture so ingrains us to think of roles and traits as they fit into a male/female dichotomy, the outside observer will want to amplify those differences in order to assign "opposing" gender roles to partners in a relationship, even if they both fall on the macho side of Grizzly Adams. In most of the gay relationships (gay and lesbian) that I have known, there really is no clear macho/girly division.
This led me to the question, do gay men, as stereotyped by the gay community, want a mate that is more macho, provider, protector type, or a more emotional, caretaker type? Or is it split evenly?
I think most gay men who are seeking a life partner are looking for an individual who completes them emotionally. Few would say they are looking for a macho provider or a caretaker. Most gay men are pretty autonomous in the providing and caretaking (practical) aspects of life so what they look for in a partner aside from sexual compatibility is a friend and companion. What exactly they are looking for to fit that bill is unique to the individual and extremely difficult to classify in a male/female stereotypical sense. That said, there are those gay men who are looking for a "daddy" or a "boy-toy" or something equally shallow, but I don't think shallowness in choosing a partner is unique to gays, or even much more prevalent than among straights.
If this doesn't adequately answer your question, I welcome any follow-up questions.
NOTE: I don't take offense to questions about stereotypes. I recognize they exist, and usually for a reason. I believe the reason many gay stereotypes exist, however, is because only a minority of homosexual men are readily identifiable as such, and those tend to be the more flamboyant, thus skewing the stereotype.
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Wow, great answer. I have another question, but it talks about sex, so Papa Janitor, feel free to edit or tell us to stop talking about it and I can take the discussion to sakeriver.
When I get together with my gay female friends, we pretty much don't discuss sex. They're pretty comfortable with me viewing their sexuality (i.e. they kiss in front of me, we go out to straight and gay clubs together). When I get together with a bunch of my gay male friends however, there's sex talk all the time. They talk about the guy waiters and who is cute and who is not and flirt with the poor waiter, who doesn't realize what's going on half the time. Their sexual innuendo is very strong and very explicit. They talk about the anonymous sex they've had in the bathrooms of clubs, or the male celebrities they'd most like to have sex with, etc.
So my question is this: Do you think this clear division among my gay friends is an anomaly? Or perhaps because my gay male friends feel comfortable talking about sex in the presence of another guy, but my gay female friends feel uncomfortable talking about it in front of the opposite sex? Are gay men's sexual libidos just that much higher than gay women's (it might be hard for you to estimate this - I don't know how many lesbians you know)?
But maybe this is another spectrum question, and the gay male friends I have are just flamboyant (which could definitely be true - they are very "out", only without the crazily stereotyped wardrobe).
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I read it before I left work but didn't write the response. I had to pick up my aunt from the airport.)
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Karl, I just want to say thanks for the advice about my friend. It really helped me. Thank you! Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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JonnyNotSoBravo: Do you think this clear division among my gay friends is an anomaly? Or perhaps because my gay male friends feel comfortable talking about sex in the presence of another guy, but my gay female friends feel uncomfortable talking about it in front of the opposite sex?
Chris said very succinctly basically what I'm going to say, with this addition: People are likely to talk more openly about sex with people who aren't prospective sexual partners. Gay men who talk like your friends probably aren't (or are at least no longer) sleeping with one another. In my experience, women usually don't talk about sex around straight men, but many women have no problem dishing about sex and relationships with gay men. Granted there are many many people who feel that sex isn't a polite topic of discussion in any social group, but among those for whom the subject itself isn't taboo, they tend to talk more freely when there isn't someone of the "opposite" sex in the room.
Are gay men's sexual libidos just that much higher than gay women's . . . ?
I imagine they are higher than gay women's to the degree that straight men's libidos are higher than straight women's. Men, in general, are very sexual beings, and many, if not most, will follow any topic of discussion to the lowest common denominator of any given social group, and sometimes well beyond that.
Also, there is a tendency for some gay men to like to tease their straight male friends with such talk. Sort of trying to see if you can be easily scandalized, or something. The flirting with the waiter is probably something similar to a group of straight men flirting with their female waitperson.
But maybe this is another spectrum question, and the gay male friends I have are just flamboyant
Could be. I, myself, wouldn't always be evidence of this, though . But I do have gay friends who prefer to keep the level of conversation out of the gutter most of the time.
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SteveRogers: Is it true, or do you believe that it is, that anyone who commits suicide goes to hell?
I'm not sure at all that there is life after death, but I firmly believe that the only hell after death is the one you take with you.
Suicide solves very little, and I believe it is seldom (like almost never) the right choice. That said, I think there is strong evidence that some suicides are the result of severe clinical depression to the degree that the person has lost control over their actions or their ability to see any other option. I believe that some people can get to the point of suicide through no actual fault of their own. If this is true, what kind of a god would condemn such a person to hell? None that I could worship or respect. YMMV.
posted
KarlEd and Kwea: Thank you so much for answering my question! It was nice to get more than one answer/opinion.....
Kwea: My apologies for making a false assumption about which question you were referring to--thanks so much for answering anyway!
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Do you like the show Queer as Folk? Do you believe it reinforces bad stereotypes?
Narnia: I about an inch shorter then you and I have the same problems. I think it is a combination of my height and my confidence. Neither of which I am able or willing to give up. I am hoping the guys in college are more secure.
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I think for Narnia, it's because she's such a good choir director all the guys are afraid that she's make them sing all of the time or something.
posted
Sid Meier: I mean't the Canadian Liberal Party not the democrats or whoever is liberal in your country.
Well, my answer would probably be the same. A moderate conservative or liberal is probably better for the country than an extremist of either stripe.
Doy ou watch Babylon 5?
No, sorry. Not that I have anything against it. It's just that my TV viewing time is limited and already full of other things I enjoy watching.
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. But I do have gay friends who prefer to keep the level of conversation out of the gutter most of the time.
