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The Verizon customer service rep, sweet as a scoop of ice cream, gently disagreed. I had not paid the current bill, the rep explained. I had, in fact, paid the old bill.

But the date on the bill I just paid was for the month that hasn't even ended yet, I said. That's right, the Verizon rep cheerfully agreed. That's the old bill.

How could the bill for the present time be the old bill? I said. Then what on Earth comprised the eight pages of my current bill? Behavioral predictions from psychic hotlines?

The current bill is for the month going forward, the wireless rep said. The billing cycle that would start in three days.

Let me get this straight, I said: The bill from last month, up to and including the present day, and including the next three days, is the old bill. And the current bill, which is now overdue, is for the month not yet begun.

That's right, Verizon said.

So the calls I am making now exist in the past, at least the past as manifested in the universe of your billing department, I said. And the service I will have, beginning in three days, and ending more than a month from now, is my current service, in this alternate universe. And the current bill, for this theoretical service, is now past due.

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and it get's funnier.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged |