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Whats the funniest lyric, or verse you've ever heard?
I have a list of many naughty ones, but this is my favorite clean-ish one:
"I’m a b-boy Standin in my b-boy stance Hurry up and give me the microphone before I bust in my pants..." - oynx
Posts: 40 | Registered: May 2003
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Danny Kaye's first movie (at least I think it was his first) was a musical called Up in Arms. The songs in that movie are absolutely hilarious, as is his performance as a whole. The funniest is probably his song that spoofs movie musicals in general. He sings it on a double date while waiting in line for a movie. Apparently, the song was actually part of Kaye's stand-up routine before it was ever put in the movie.
"Up from the gulch comes a hunk of man. He is our hero, Cowboy Dan, A yodeling-odeling buckaroo. . . His horse, of course, is a baritone, too."
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Dreamed I was an eskimo Frozen wind began to blow Under my boots and around my toes It was a hundred degrees below zero
And my mama cried: Nanooka no no Nanooka no no, don't be a naughty eskimo Well I turned around and I said "Oh, oh" And the northern lights commenced to glow That's when she said, with a little tear in her eye,
Watch out where the huskies go And don't you eat that yellow snow!
Well right about that time, people A fur trapper, who was strictly from commercial (strictly commercial) Had the unmitagated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo, oo-ooh!) And started in whippin' on my favorite baby seal (whack whack whack) With a lead filled snowshoe! With a lead (lead) Filled (lead filled) With a lead filled snowshoe!(snowshoe) He said "peekaboo"(peekaboo) With a lead (lead Filled (lead filled) With a lead filled snowshoe!(snowshoe) He said "peekaboo"(peekaboo)
He went right up to the head of my favorite baby seal and started whippin on it! Well, that got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be So I reached down, and I stretched down and gathered up a generous mittenful of the deadly (Yellow Snow) The deadly yellow snow from right there where the huskies go Whereupon i proceeded to rub it all into his itty bitty eyes, with a vaguelar circular motion, hitherto unknown to the people in this area, but destined to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology--here it goes now! The deadly circular motion rub it (here fido...) And then, in a fit of anger I I pounced! And I pounced again! Great googlimoogli! I jumped up and down on the chest of a... I injured the fur trapper.
And he was very upset And rightly so, for the deadly yellow snow crystals Had deprived him, of his sight, And he looked up, and he said I can't see!(no, no, no, no-no!) I can't see!(no, no, no, no-no!) Oh whoa is me!(no, no, no, no-no! Well..) I can't see...
So the fur trapper stood there With his arms outstretched across the frozen white wastelands Wondering what he was going to do about his deflicted eyes Whereupon he remembered an ancient eskimo legend where it is written --On whatever it is they write it on up there-- That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes As the result of any sort of conflict with anyone with the name of Nanook That the only way you can get it fixed up Is to go trudging across the tundra, Mile after mile! Trudgin' across the tundra, Right down to the parish of St. Alphonso....
-Frank Zappa Nanook of the NorthPosts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote: It was April the forty-first Being a quadruple leap year I was driving in downtown Atlantis My barracuda was in the shop So I was in a rented stingray And it was overheating
So I pulled into a Shell Station They said I'd blown a seal I said, "Fix the damn thing And leave my private life out of it Okay pal?"
While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive But I knew the owner He used to play for the Dolphins I said "Hi Gil" You have to yell, he's hard of herring
Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream
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Here are two of my favorites, from Corky and the Juice Pigs...
"Pandas
White and black, the friendly bears of China White and black, they rarely reproduce What shall be done about these Chinese bears? What shall be done about these friendly bears?
Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die Yay!
Why should we save them? What good do they do? Have you ever seen a panda Do something good for you? They can't wear t-shirts, They can't bounce basketballs They can't walk tightropes Over Niagra Falls
Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die
You fat bastard!
All endangered species Leave endangered feces If you knew how bad they smelled You would gladly take their pelt If we kill them all We can have more parking lots We can have small couches Made of little ocelots
Die, they must die The pandas must die Die, they must die The pandas must die"
"Eskimo
I'm the only gay Eskimo I'm the only one I know I'm the only gay Eskimo In my tribe
I go out seal hunting with my best friend Tarka But all want to do is get into his parka
I'm the only gay Eskimo In my tribe
Well me and Nukflukchukbuk We both like blubber But me I've got this crazy fetish for rubber
I'm the only gay Eskimo In my tribe
I make a wish on the Northern Lights That I can find a decent pair of whaleskin tights
I'm the only gay Eskimo In my tribe
And the seals they sing now... [seal noises]
These cold winter nights Are taking their toll I even get excited when I see the North Pole... See the North Pole...
I'm the only gay Eskimo (Only gay Eskimo) I'm the only one I know (The only one I know-oh-oh-oh) I'm the only gay Eskimo In my tribe"
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quote:Germany was having trouble, what a sad, sad story Needed a new leader to restore its former glory Where oh where was he? Where could that man be? We looked around, and then we found, the man for you and me, And now it's ...
Springtime for Hitler and Germany, Deutschland is happy and gay. We're marching to a faster pace, Look out, here comes the master race.
Springtime for Hitler and Germany, Winter for Poland and France. Springtime for Hitler and Germany, Come on, Germans, go into your dance ...
I was born in Dusseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf. Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party.
Springtime for Hitler and Germany (Gun fires twice) Goose-step's the new step today (Machine gun fires) Bombs falling from the skies again, (Bomb falls and explodes) Deutschland is on the rise again
Springtime for Hitler and Germany U-boats are sailing once more
quote: Does Weird Al count, or are we going for non-intentionally-spoofic types?
Yeah, ditto.
If Weird Al does count, I'd say Amish Paradise. You've probably all heard that before, and I don't feel like looking up the lyrics.
If Weird Al doesn't count, well, then, uh...I dunno. I've laughed at non-Weird Al songs before, but those were mainly because I was either watching the video or the song reminded me of the video.
Posts: 2292 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I'm going down to cowtown The cow's a friend to me Lives beneath the ocean and that's where I will be Beneath the waves, the waves And that's where I will be I'm gonna see the cow beneath the sea
We yearn to swim for home, but our only home is bone TMBG
Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2003
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I spent a summer working with Joe Costa (one of the original Juice Pigs).
He is a funny, funny man. Although, my favorite memory of him was him singing "Vincent" by Don McLean. He really has a beautiful voice (although you might not know it from the Juice Pigs songs).
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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(Josh Graham) Five months ago you left me here without a single dime You're doing fine and everything you own used to be mine You left stuck with all the bills and you've got all the land I think by now it's safe to say I'm not a happy man Well I hear you're livin' up an the hill with some guy that drive a Porsche And I'm still here in a beat up shack with a twenty year old horse You stopped in here like we're good friends but I think you'd better go I'm mad as hell but I'll hold back 'Cause there's something you should know I wouldn't hit ya, I ain't that way But I said all that I'm gonna say So you'd better make tracks, you'd better get out of sight 'Cause I wouldn't hit you but my girlfriend might Well I see you don't believe your ears but what I said is true She's a pretty little brown-haired girl and she even cooks good too She's got a heart of gold and treats me right But if I were you I'd head On outta here 'cause she hates you and she wishes you were dead I wouldn't hit ya, I ain't that way But I said all that I'm gonna say So you'd better make tracks, you'd better get out of sight 'Cause I wouldn't hit you but my girlfriend might I wouldn't hit ya, I ain't that way But I said all that I'm gonna say So you'd better make tracks, you'd better get out of sight 'Cause I wouldn't hit you but my girlfriend might Oh yes she will
Yeah, it's a country song
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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Okay, here's another one. I've never been able to listen to anything by Wesley Willis without going red-faced with laughter. If you've never heard anything by him, I found a place to download one of his songs here although it might take a few minutes. Highly worth it, though.
(edit: Here is a link to a homemade music video for that same song that loads much more quickly.)
(edit: Here's a quicker link to a different but equally good song.)
Read some more of his lyrics here if you're over 18. Skip the first song and go straight to "I Whupped Batman's Ass". It's not family music, but it's classic.
By the way, in case you're wondering, he was a schizophrenic homeless man who was signed to a record deal and gained a cult following. His music is like nothing you've ever heard. He died last week, and he'll be sorely missed.
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I'm frankly appalled that no one has mentioned any of a number of classic They Might Be Giants songs. Examples - Meet James Ensor (Belgium's famous painter) He lived with his mother and repeated himself. . .Dig him up and shake his hand/Appreciate the man. Or "Turn Around" (We were sticking our arms out the window/Of a fast moving passenger train/Acting in an irresponsible manner/Until the engineer whose back had been turned/And who we thought would find us highly amusing/Quickly swiveled his head around/ And his face/Which was a paper-white mask of evil/Sang us this song), or any other song from Apollo 18, which is TMBG's opus of absurdity.
The Aquabats are pretty good at this thing too. Heck, they came up with an album called "The Aquabats Versus the Floating Eye of Death," which is all you need to know about that.
My friend Steve once wrote a song called "I, Eskimo, I." The Zappa lyrics reminded me of it, and come pretty close to the theme, but Steve took a more minimalist route. It was pretty good. About the same time, I wrote something called "The Curious Experience of the Patterson Family on the Island of Uffa." Ten points for the reference.
Posts: 794 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Know the song "If I had a million dollars"? I think it's BNL that sings it...
Anyway, I was at a Renaissance Faire and these two guys did a Renaissance remake of it, "If I had a million ducats" which was hilarious!
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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"A hundred and fourty one were faster than he, But he was looking for number one forty three. Irving; The hundred and fourty second fastest gun--bang bang--in the west."
And of course the classic:
Hello Mamma Hello Fadda Here I am at Camp Grenada....
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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::laughs:: If Wierd Al counts, then I guess I can step up on my soap box with Capital Steps. It's a Washington DC based comedy group that specialized in poking fun at politics. But I digress...
"School Life Rhapsody" [sung to 'Gallileo', by Queen]
Teacher: Students, please open your test booklets and begin standarized test number 6,422,393. Students: This is my school life; September until May. Caught in a landslide of standarized test each day. We gotta show that we can compete statewide... Teacher: Here is your next test, Mulitiple choice again... Students: Because we're tested out, Look at me, I can't spell S-A-T. Teacher: Just check off a box, Time's runnin' on the clocks. Students: Brain's fried... Brain's fried... Teachers: Students, I've got a plan: I could sorta bend the rules, And we'll beat the other schools. Students, Your time is almost done, But if I change the clock It's just begun. Ha ha. Ooooo. Now our scores'll be real high, And I'll be picked as Teacher of the year. Teacher of the year.
[music picks up tempo]
Teacher: I'm gonna give you Some little tiny hints. Students: Question two! Question two! It really is frightening! Who on Earth would know The Father of Astronomy? Female Student: Galileo? Teacher: Galileo. Female Student: Galileo? Teacher: Galileo. Female Student: Galileo? Who is that, I didn't know. [others harmonize] Female Student: I'm just a dumb kid from a dumb family. Other Students: She's just a dumb kid from a dumb family. All: Spare her the shame Of a bad SAT. Female Students: MIT, Harvard Law, Will you let me go? Male students: You're joking, NO! Female Students: We will not let you go. Teacher: Let them go! Male students: You're joking. Female Students: They will not let us go. Teacher: Let them go! Male Students: You're joking. Female Students: They will not let us go. Teacher: Let them go! Female Students: We will not let you go. Teacher: LET ME GO! Female Students: Will not let you go. Female Student: We will not go! [other harmonize] Students: No, no, no, no, no, no! Teacher: Let politicians take these tests-- All: See what they know!
Don't post the lyrics to an entire song on this site, only excerpts!
And of course I'd have to mention Barenaked Ladies (Who I saw from the front row... and in Bozeman!... a couple summers ago), my personal quirky favorite being Light Up My Room:
quote:There's a shopping cart in the ravine The foam on the creek is like pop and ice cream A field full of tires that is always on fire To light my way home
There are luxuries we can't afford But in our house we never get bored We can dance to the radio station That plays in our teeth
Though my current funny favorite is Weird Al's eBay (to the tune of Backstreet Boys' I Want it That Way):
quote:Wanna buy a PacMan Fever lunchbox Wanna buy a case on vintage tube socks Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre,(used by Dr. Dre) Found it on eBay
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I think pretty much any They Might Be Giants song could be classified as having ridiculous and hilarious lyrics. I listen to TMBG when I need to laugh - and it never fails to cheer me up
Posts: 1225 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Last summer, my roommate and I memorized Yakko Warner's Nations of the World, and are still asked to perform at parties when all the food is gone and everyone's getting a little testy.
To the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance:
United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru; Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean, Greenland, El Salvador too.
...
Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan; Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, and French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam.
Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, and Germany now one piece; Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, and Greece.
...
There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain.
India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan; Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia, and China, Korea, Japan.
Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, the Philippine Islands, Taiwan; Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, then Borneo, and Vietnam.
...
Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo, The Spanish Sahara is gone; Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon.
Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algier; Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire.
Ethiopia, Guinea_ Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Mahore, and Cayman; Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia, Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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For your consideration: Alice's Restaurant, by Arlo Guthrie. Well, it's partly spoken word, but what the hey. The part where he goes down to the draft board is absolutely hilarious satire.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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annie, my personal favorite weirdo BNL song is either Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel(not to be listened to while driving), or this one:
Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious Hey watch me now I'm furious. Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate, Hey watch me now I'm on your plate.
as for Weird Al, Yoda is THE best, but my favortie at the moment is the one about the hardware store:
Would you look at all that stuff ... They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
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I thought this might be the right thread to post my alternate lyrics to Addicted by Simple Plan
I log on here every day Because I want to post I can't stop; I'm addicted to you I can’t pretend I don’t care And just not think about you How did I get into this? I tried to have a real life But I can't get away
I’m trying to forget that I’m addicted to you But I want it and I need it I’m addicted to you It's past midnight, can't leave to go to bed Gotta stay here, there's more posts to be read Hatrack!!! Hatrack!! Hatrack!!
Since the first time I came And after all we’ve been through It's getting worse, I'm addicted to you I think you know that it’s true I’d run a thousand miles to get you How did I get into this? I tried to have a real life I did all that I could Just to see you Is one more sleepless night
I’m trying to forget that I’m addicted to you But I want it and I need it I’m addicted to you It's past midnight, can't leave to go to bed Gotta stay here, there's more posts to be read Hatrack!!! Hatrack!! Hatrack!!
How long will I be posting? Until the end of time I don’t know why I’m still posting I can’t seem to stop
I’m trying to forget that I’m addicted to you But I want it and I need it I’m addicted to you
I’m trying to forget that I’m addicted to you But I want it and I need it I’m addicted to you It's past midnight, can't leave to go to bed Gotta stay here, there's more posts to be read Hatrack!!! Hatrack!! Hatrack!!
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lma, I always like The Motorcycle Song -- The significance of the pickle. The version where the cop doesn't die. But Alice's Restaurant is probably the best "story" song out there.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Don't forget the TMBG song about the pavlovian dogs thingy. You have to listen, though, the lyrics are only a tiny part of the beauty of it.
I've been leaving on my things So in the morning when the morning bird sings There's still dinner on my dinner Jacket when the dinner bell rings
The words are all interwoven together. Behind that verse they sing this.
Experimental dog Salivating dog Good dog
Then they do a verse at the same tempo but with more rapid fire syllables.
I don't want a pizza, I don't want a piece of peanut brittle, I don't want a pear. I don't want a bagel I don't want a bean I wouldn't like a bag of beef or a beer or a Cup of chowder, corn, cake, or creamed cauliflower cause I'm Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing Dinner bell dinner bell ring
Then there's another verse with even faster syllable beats in triplets.
I don't know whether I'd rather be having a ...
<laughs> It's super great!
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I thought about including the Motorcycle Song as well, but then I decided that Alice's Restaurant was big enough for one post. But, I do like the Motorcycle Song a lot.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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I'll get in trouble for posting the lyrics, but NOFX's "Please Play This Song on the Radio" and "New Boobs" (among others) are two hysterical songs.
BNL has a lot of funny lyrics, but their songs tend to have a few levels - the funny and the sad.
TMBG is always amusing.
I thought Eminem's "My Name Is" was hysterical.
Posts: 1281 | Registered: Feb 2001
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They Might Be Giants have so many funny songs! The eclectic duo have been bustin' my gut for years.
Annie has a point with those Warner siblings, though. How about Running From Our Fans?
Funny thing is that Warner Brothers used They Might Be Giants' Istanbul, not Constantinople and Particle Man on Tiny Toons. What a great match!
Posts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
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How about Tom Lehrer? Other than Weird Al, he was the best thing I ever heard on Doctor Demento. He put the periodic table of the elements to music (a precursor of the Animaniacs list songs). He had a great song about pollution. But my favorite might be the one about World War III,
Goodbye, Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb, so don't wait up for me. And while you swelter down in your bomb shelter You can see me on your TV.
Of course, Lehrer wrote tons of genius songs for Electric Company back in the seventies. Who can forget "Silent E" or "L-Y"?
All that also brings to mind Spike Jones, with such classics as "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" and "Beetlebaum."
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My contribution to this thread will consist of pointing out that the name of the song parodied by the Capitol Steps above is not, in fact, "Gallileo," but "Bohemian Rhapsody."
BTW, I was always under the impression that Tom Lehrer actually wrote "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park." Did he not?
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I have memorized the lyrics to Chickenman, which I sing on occasion for laughs and the food people throw at me.
"When you think that your in danger When your threatened by a stranger When it looks like you will take a licken, (Bock Bok Bok Bock) THere is something you should learn When there is no where else to turn Caaa-aallll for Super Chicken. Caaa-aallll for Super Chicken. (Bock Bock Bock Bock)"
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow just shaking his Fist at some boys who were down by the crick Their feet in the water their hands on their Marbles and play things and at half past four There came a young lady she looked like a Pretty young creature she sat on the grass She pulled up her dress and she showed them her Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children so they would not spit. . . .
That was just funny. That Cake song always cracks me up.. I'm trying to think of more, but I can't right now. Want to see one of my hit songs? It's a little raunchy, but this one is not:
Baby you can wear your labcoat anytime that you want just make sure it's sterolized and you know I like Intellectual Babes And I want you with your glasses on And you know you look so cute. When you're wearing that Armani suit and I love when you talk math and science to me and I want you with your glasses on.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow just shaking his Fist at some boys who were down by the crick Their feet in the water their hands on their Marbles and play things and at half past four There came a young lady she looked like a Pretty young creature she sat on the grass She pulled up her dress and she showed them her Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children so they would not spit. . . .
Ha! I learned a (rather) different version as a kid - but it's probably 'cause I learned it as a girl scout:
quote: There once was a farmer who took a young miss In back of the barn where he gave her a lecture on horses and cattle and chickens and eggs and told her that she had a beautiful set of manners that suited a girl of her charms - a girl that he'd someday like to take in his washing and ironing and then if she did, they would get married and raise lots of
sweet violets. Sweeter than the roses. Covered all over, from head to toe. Covered all over in Sweet violets.
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Tom, Mr. Lehrer may very well have done Poisoning Pigeons. For some reason, I can never remember. That's why thinking of Tom Lehrer reminds me immediately of Spike Jones.
We’re only making plans for da da dirty dirty bison We don’t like him so much cause he’s very ug ug ugly We’re only making plans for da da dark brown bison He has a right to live though he’s ill ill ill-shaped He’s on his way to extinction We only want what’s best for him Bear up bison never say die!
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I always loved Shel Silverstein - author of The Unicorn, Cover of the Rolling Stone, and A Boy Named Sue, to name some of his better-known pieces done by other people. But the best of his stuff was done on his spoken records, which I believe are all out of circulation now. (Kind a nice if Rhino or someone got the rights to do a compilation CD).
Here's the lyrics (slightly censored) of one of my favorites:
DIET SONG (Shel Silverstein)
Breakfast: black coffee, one slice of dry toast, no butter, no jelly, no jam. Lunch: just some lettuce, two celery stalks, no booze, no potatoes, no ham. Dinner: one chicken wing, broiled, not fried; no biscuits, no gravy, no pie, And this diet'n', diet'n', diet,'n', diet'n', sure is a rough way to die.
So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune, one glass of skim milk and that's all. Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial, it's drivin' me straight up the wall.
I'm thinkin' of french fries, sausage and waffles, spaghetti, and cookies and cake, And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream, an' I'm starvin' to death when I wake,
All for your sake.
Well you're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes but it's bullion and water for me, And you've got a lock on the refrigerator. God knows where you're hidin' the key, And while I am starvin' for food late at night, I'm starvin' for lovin' from you, But you say that when I can see my own (bleep) you'll be happy to look at it too.
So, suffer two pieces of cauliflower raw, some beefsteak the size of a nail, One slice of tomato, a small dab of slaw, Lord, I swear I ate better in jail. Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose. Girl, that's the least you can do, And put down that candy bar while I am singin'. I'm starvin' my ass off for you.
And when I am dead, with the insurance paid, you'll look down at me and you'll grin, And say, "Well, the boy tried and he starved and he died, but don't he look goodwhen he's thin."
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Oh! My fav. Shel Silverstein is "The Great Smokeoff!"
I've got the MP3 somewhere - in fact, I'm pretty sure it came with my computer. Part of the 'free music' that came with my Mac. ^_^ Also a nice BNL selection and some other stuff as well.