posted
The Official Story: It takes an almost 17 hour plane trip to get from Paris to Salt Lake City. By the 16th hour and final leg, I'd had airplane food for three meals and was feeling not particularly groovy about the tonic water. Deep down inside me, I felt something move.
I did the natural thing. I clapped my hand over my mouth and prayed everything would stay inside where it belonged., but the chicken and rice had other plans. You know how, if a stream is randomly dammed, the water will find another way down the mountain? If you block off the mouth, there is another way out of the oral/nasal passage.
Fortunately, no one was sitting next to me when I threw up first through my nose and then through every hole in my head. There was someone in front, and he was not pleased.
This SHOULD have been my most embarrassing moment, but at the time, I figured I was doing to die and didn't care in the slightest for the presentation of the final throes. It was years before I could tell the story in public, though.
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This isn't the absolutely most humiliating moment of my life, but it does come very close. Like afr, I've tried to block out the other ones, including the time (years and years ago) when I called one guy to tell him that unless he took some action, I riding into the sunset with someone else. "Have a nice trip." Ouch. Life is not like the movies, not even when your co-stars are hopeless romantics.
Okay. What are some repeatable embarassing moments?
posted
Well, serving a mission in Guatemala certainly provided a few somewhat embarassaing moments, though they really probably ought to be more embarassing than they are. I usually tell them more as my own little "red badges of courage".
One particularly fine, hot, and incredibly humid morning my companion and I were walking back to our pad from the little out doors place we ate our meals. It wasn't the greatest in the world, but not since our apartment consisted of only our room and a bathroom, well, you just don't have a lot of space to prepare your own food. It was a bit of a walk, about 10 minutes through the busy market in the city and all.
I was actually feeling quite fine that day. Hadn't noticed any particular GI problems. As we were leaving the eatery I turned to my companion, and as gross boys will do, proclaimed "El son de la trompeta" (the sound of the trumpet). I was, of course, trying to give some humerous antecedent to the really large, um, well, fart I was prepared to cut loose. I appropriately raised my leg (yes, I really am that gross, just ask my wife. Why she said yes I will still never know!) in anticipation of some great sound quality and length.
But no sound came.
I quietly dropped my leg and my head and continued the walk home. My companion, after that great lead in was really disappointed. He gave me a quixotic look to which I could only reply "Elder, I just crapped my pants".
He looked at me, amazement on his face and in a completely deadpan manner said "You're crapping me! Right?" To which I could only reply "No, I crapped myself."
Needless to say, ten minutes later as we made it back to our pad I had a very distinctive swagger to my step.
Posts: 240 | Registered: Jun 2003
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probably the most repeatable was playing bass in front of a large group of people, runing out in to the audience to show off my wireless... running back to the stage... jumping...
and catching the edge of the stage across my shins and faceplanting directly on top of my vintage Rickenbacker 4001.
Someone, somewhere, may have a recording of the event.
I have done much worse, but I don't really want to beat myself down too hard right now Posts: 2112 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
We moved a week before the Christmas break when I was in 5th grade. Not only was I "the new kid" but I came in the middle of the year, with only a week of school before a month of vacation.
My old school didn't have busses. We walked to and from school. (Of course, we also didn't have snow days or heat days, but that's another story.)
So, at the end of the day, everyone leaves their classes and goes to this big hallway to get in their perspective bus lines. So, it's not just my classmates, it's the entire school.
The first day, I'm walking in front of all of these people, trying to figure out where I should be and. . . you guessed it. Puke in front of them all. And most of them had their backpacks (not backpacks back then, just books with homework peeking out the sides) on the floor, while they goofed around waiting for their busses.
Is it really a wonder I never really fit in there? Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ok I was probably about 11 or 12 at the time. God I pray I wasn't any older because the older I was the more embarrasing it gets. Ok lets say I was 31. There that should make it embarrasing enough.
Anyway, It's a typical school night in my household. I had just finished watching some show. Probably Night Rider or one of the umpteen other cool action dramas that erupted from our boob tubes in the late 70's and early eighties. "Gee Hee HEh Get in the car Flash." My adoptive parents are in the other part of our giant combination kithchen/living room/dining room/gaming room...den playing crazy canasta with my real dad and his wife. My sister has just emerged from the bathroom after her cleansing ordeal. I don't even wait for the yelling to begin. Before Mom can say "Gee hee heh et in the bath Boy" I am on my way. {must have been a rerun that night because otherwise I would have tried to brave the furies and my mother who scare the snot right out of the furies and tried to Beg and plead my way into staying filthy untill Nick and KiTT had turbo'ed the bad guy's into jail.} I run into the bathroom, take off my clothes (ladies don't faint...at that age i didn't have the physique i have today. Yep can anyone say chopped liver and mashed taters. Hmmmm The Pilsbury Boy and I were fighting it out to take the place of the Michillene(sic) Tire Thingy. Im not sure i would call all that retread a man.)
As I run the water I get kinda curious and decide to see what happens when you take unscrew the knob that contols the water. We had one of those controls that when you lift up the plastic knob, the water turns on. A twist to the left and you had hotter water. A twist to the right and bingo (yep you guessed it) colder water.
So here I am sitting in the tube steadily testing my soon to never be cultivated fully ( probably because of this and similar experiments gone awry) scientific and mechanical knowledge. Imagine my shock and surprise when I finally get it unscrewed enough to allow the pressure to shoot the faucet right out of my hands. Water is flowing everywhere and for the first and last time in my life I panic. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I jump out of the tub, fling open the door, and run (this is one of those screams that would have won someone an award at the B-movies Award ceremony) stark naked into the main room. All adults jump up, instantly, instictively ready to do what exactly what the prehistoric parents were ready to do when their child ran into camp, buck naked, screaming bloody murder.
Needless to say noone was very happy when they could locate neither blood nor serial killer.
I seem to have blocked out the rest of that night, week, month.
By the way I do know the faucet was repaired, because I remember looking at it as I showered the night of Graduation wondering... "Hmm What would happen if I turned that screw this way.
Posts: 1661 | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
My favorite embarrassing moment belongs, not to me, but to one of my friends while we were in law school (any embarrassing moments of my own have been blocked out and aren't nearly as funny anyway).
When you're in your 2nd year of law school, you interview with various law firms for summer clerkship jobs, and as part of the process 2 or 3 lawyers at the firm take you out to some nice restaurant at the end of the interview day. It was a long day, and she'd been wearing high heels, so while at the restaurant she slipped her shoes off under the table to rest her feet. She then starts playing with one of the table legs with her toes. Except it wasn't a table leg - it was the leg of one of the male lawyers (married, I might add), who slowly started smiling at her. She was horrified but didn't try to explain.
And she didn't even get an offer.
Just thought of one more story that I have to repeat. A doctor friend is a gynecologist. He has some sort of equipment for womens' internal exams, and the probe portion of the machine needs to have a disposable cover. They use condoms for this purpose.
Well, his regular supply ran out and he ran over to a nearby drugstore to buy some condoms. Turned out they were having a sale and the price was cheaper than his regular supplier's, so he grabbed 4 cases (!) and took them up to the cashier. She, making conversation, commented: "That's a lot of condoms there." He responded, "Well, with my machine I go through about 20 a day."
He didn't realize how the words would be construed until they were out of his mouth. Like my other friend, he didn't try to explain; he just got out of there as quickly as he could. Don't know if he's ever been back. Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2003
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You had parents and adoptive parents? In the same room? I'd love to hear that story sometime.
Things I've never let my brother live down. While singing Ruldolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer into a tape recorder, he sang it as "Then one froggy Christmas eve."
Another time, he walking into the dining room and said, "I'd like to make a preposition."
My husband's mother told him to be careful on the front porch (it had snowed) and he, being the pain in the butt that he is, thought it would be funny to pretend he was slipping. He did the whole "'whoops' and wave the arms around to simulate a slip" thing. Embarrassing for him, damned funny for those of us watching him, he actually did lose his balance while being a jerk and slipped right off his feet onto his tailbone. Ahh, that was sweet. He still does stupid stuff like that, too. Some people just never learn.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Hey, Jexxster! When and where were you in Guatemala? I was in Xela during '92-'93.
And I have a similar story to yours (I think most in Guate did), but I wasn't being crude when it happened.
But while I'm here, I might as well add an experience. This did happen in Guatemala while I was a missionary. I was attending a large gathering of missionaries (I think it was a birthday party) on preparation day, at a chapel. Now, in Guatemala, most LDS church building are built to cookie-cutter specifications. They are all pretty much the same, with all the rooms in the same places.
So I was familiar with the building, even though I had never been in that particular one before. There was a water fight going on in the yard, and a lot of missionaries were changing into non-working clothes to get wet.
I wandered down the hall to the restroom, opened the door and
<shriek>
it was the ladies' room. It was in exactly the wrong place, reversed from every other church building in the whole stinkin' country.
How was I supposed to know? Well, other than the sign on the door.
posted
Oh, yeah. Here's a safe embarrassing story. At the Missionary Training Center when I was a new missionary, it came time once again to use the bathroom. So my comp and I (we have to stay together) found a restroom at the end of a hall. I went in, he waited outside.
I was just sitting down in the stall when I noticed a strange box attached to the wall by the toilet. "Hmm, I wonder what that is."
Just then, my comp opens the restroom door and yells, "Elder Caballero! You're in the women's bathroom!"
Definitely the fastest I've ever gotten out of a bathroom. Luckily, no one was coming down the hall when I leapt out the door.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I'm not sure how many of them witnessed the full frontal incident.
I'll never ask.
Now when I go to the beach, I wear one of those professional swimmer-type suits with thick straps (nothing short of a shark attack will get that kind of a suit off in the water).
[ September 14, 2003, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Yozhik ]
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posted
That's easy Kayla, YOu just have to be adopted by your Aunt and Uncle because your real mom liked men more than children and your real dad knew that his sister would probably give us a better life.
Posts: 1661 | Registered: Dec 2000
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Derrick Somethingorother decided that I sucked at volley ball. And come on... who DOESN'T stink at volleyball! I mean.. you tap that little bloodsucker of a ball and it goes flying out the window!
Anyway... he decided that I stink and must therefore be humiliated. Those are the rules of Jr. High Gym classes, as I found out throughout Jr. High. So he went up, and pulled down my pants. No harm, everyone laughed, I told him to please stop after pulling them up again. He pulled them down again. I shrugged and asked him again to stop. He didn't. He pulled them down again, only this time grabbing much more than just the pants.
And when you are publically exposed in a co-ed gym class in 8th grade, it's as if the entire world is staring at you, laughing, and you don't have your wits about you to say anything funny like: "Oh Derrick, I didn't know you were like that." Me, not being one who fights, just simply told the teacher, who was kindly in a different room not paying attention. The girls were kind enough never to remind me of that. Not that if they had brought it up, it wouldn't have benefitted me.
And thats the most embarressing thing I'll share.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
This one wins me quite a few "most embarrassing moments" contests:
So it's my junior year, a week before prom, and I'm on the committee and am supposed to go, but haven't been asked. I'm trying to think of any way in the world to get out of it, but the advisor says I have to be there, and there is no way on earth I'm going stag.
So I decide to call up a friend of mine; a family friend and former next-door neighbor boy who I had a crush on for awhile who was now a freshman in college. I'm sure the last thing in the world he wants to do is take a high school girl to prom, but I figure he'll understand because I really need a date and it's just a friendly thing, right?
But I'm still super nervous. A girl asking a guy to the prom is just unheard of. So I rehearse this nice little casual-sounding speech on how I'm supposed to go to the prom since I'm on the setup committee and I was wondering if, just as a friend, he'd want to go.
So I call him up. His mom answers. "Hi... can I talk to Levi?" I stutter. "Oh sure, just a minute..." I wait for a while and hear all kinds of voices and a busy house. Are there people over? I hope not...
"Hello?" I spit out my whole rehearsed speech, and end frantically with, "so is there any way you can go?"
Dead silence. A minute later:
"I think you wanted to talk to Levi. This is his dad. Let me get him."
For some reason, I manage to stay on the phone, mortified, and repeat the whole ordeal again when he finally gets to the phone. He has to politely decline because his family is doing something that weekend.
So not only am I humiliated - I'm shot down.
The worst part? All the people over at his house were a group of mutual friends who came over to study. And yeah. They heard every last bit of it.
I never did find a date, but they didn't make me go. That at least I'm grateful for.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
My life has held relatively few embarrassing moments... I feel positively inadequate reading all these things. Maybe I just block them out.
Of course, when Avadaru and I were doing our First Communion at church (age eight), we got lost going back from the altar, and we couldn't find our parents and we went around and around the church, and an usher had to come and get us and tell us gently where our parents were.
I suppose that was more embarrassing for her than for me, because I, at least, wasn't wearing a stupid veil...
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i laughed until i cried, so i thought i'd revive this innocent little thread.
i can finish way too many sentences that begin "i am the only person i know who..."
i am the only person i know who has gotten a hand stuck in the window crank of a car.
i was driving to see a friend who lived about 45 miles away. i had put my window all the way down while i was on a two-lane highway, but the interstate was too much wind for my contacts, so when i got there, i tried to roll my window up. i got that stupid who-put-that-there? webby flesh between my thumb and forefinger stuck between the knob and the crank. i had no choice but to continue to drive.
when i reached my friend's house, i saw his dad mowing the lawn. i couldn't get his attention. i honked my horn, hoping my friend would hear. he didn't. opening the door was not an option because i was belted in. i wouldn't have gotten very far. i tried again to get my friend's dad's attention. when he finally saw me, he waved and went back to mowing. by this time i was crying because i couldn't get out and because it was such a ridiculous situation to be in. i finally communicated to the dad that i needed help. when he came over to the car, i had to tell him what was wrong which made me cry even harder and which, of course, he laughed at. he ended up just yanking my hand out (which hurt a lot), and now i officially have a most embarrassing moment.
more stories? laughing is fun.
Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Yeah, there's no freaking way I'm going to put my most embarassing moment in a post on this (or any other) site.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Two embarrassing (but not most embarrassing) moments.
One was when I was on the river in the boat with my family. I was about...ten years old at this point, I think. I was sitting on the back cushion gettin' my tan on, when suddenly overhead flies a pelican.
And craps right on my face. Yes, pelican crap on my face.
Well, it apparently looked similar to sunscreen, because when I shrieked, "GET THIS OFFA ME!" my parents got annoyed and told me to do it myself.
Then there was the time a few years later at a BBQ, there were oysters on the grill. Well, one spit (they do that when you cook `em on the grill) right into my mouth as I was talking. Not much taste to it or anything, but the shock and the horror at getting oyster-spit in my mouth rapidly led to a shocked reaction and embarrassment.
posted
This was embarrassing for the time period it happened in:
It's the October of 1995, and 14-year old me is walking in to homeroom. It was a Catholic high school and I still wasn't used to wearing dress shoes and that day I had a pair of boots with little, skinny heels. The shoe on the left foot was always a bit uneven in the heel, and I happened to be carrying my bookbag on that side. My left foot slipped sideway and since all the weight was on that side, I fell right over onto my side, and revealed my funky boxers to the world.
Loads of laughter. I was mortified. The same thing happened later that year, but it was outside during an ice storm and everyone was slipping and falling, so it didn't matter.
I think if that happened now, I would be too busy laughing to get up. Posts: 463 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
I don't know if this is my most embarassing moment, but it sure was embarassing enough.
1) 1996, I was helping to organize a party in College. Me and a guy (not really a friend, I did not know him very well) were lifting a heavy wooden box filled with beer bottles. His hands slipped, and the box fell, breaking some bottles. I was a little angry, and said something like: "Hey, watch out, nine fingers!"
Because of the noise (the box fell, I screamed at the guy...) many people looked at us. Then, slowly, the guy show me his hands: "Yeah, I do have nine fingers."
I wanted to run away.
Posts: 1785 | Registered: Oct 2003
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First day of high school. Arrive at school by bus. Descend from bus. Take a step. Take second step. Trip over sprinkler head. Fall flat on face.
So you're thinking, things could only improve. Right? Wrong. It just set the tone for three years (we had 3 year junior high, 3 year high school in my district) of sheer Hades.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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