posted
What do you do when you want something so badly your whole body responds to your seeking?
Case in point: Jenny desperately wants to teach G/T. It's a pretty small division of education. She's taking classes, and she gets shaky and sweaty, breathing heavily and flushing when she works. Deep despair and physical depression when she is behind on her work or gets less than an A. Also, in her current job (temping) frustration manifests as headaches and fatigue. Thinking about future opportunities gets her palms sweaty again.
How do I get a handle on all this emotion? This reminds me of the time I won the 5th grade spelling bee. I could literally TASTE the victory, and oh, it was SWEET! I want this career path SO BAD, yet I don't know how likely it is to become reality.
I want that sweet taste of victory again, and the thrill of doing something I love. HOW DO I GET THERE? AND HOW DO I FIND THE PATIENCE?
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
Scott: As a G/T student, let me say "ouch".
Jenny: I think the best strategies for getting into a G/T teaching position vary with the school district. There was a definate lack of qualified teachers of this sort where I went to high school. Our G/T Program was attached to the english classes (three levels: AP, G/T, and regular). When the number of G/T students required the creation of another class, the gave that class to one of the regular teachers. That was truly miserable for us (I had her one semester), particularly considering the level and depth of the other teacher.
DISLAIMER! Not only am I not an educator, I'm still in the education system (for another 164 hours.) These suggestions I make from first hand observations, and having a parent who was gave seminars within the district about teaching G/T students. The answer (suggestion) I had buried in there was this:
1. Find a district with a G/T program. 2. Find out what subject the G/T program revolves around for that district. 3.Apply for G/T position, but be willing to accept a position within that particular subject (my previous school district hired 3 of the 5 G/T teachers they added while I was there from within the district). 4. Make it known your ultimate desire is to teach G/T. 5. Get job. 6. Learn Patience (I'm still working on this one).
posted
I find that a nice bout of alcoholism/drug addiction will cure you of this so-called "ambition."
Posts: 3056 | Registered: Jun 2001
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ScottR, it is my Bliss. I have tasted it as a temporary sub - I taught half a semester in a G/T second grade classroom, and it was everything I ever wanted teaching to be. It was hard, but I revelled in it. I am good at it, although yet inexperienced. "Best practices" for a G/T classroom are what I find myself drawn to and doing instinctively. Also, I was a neglected G/T kid myself. As one of my administrators said, "You don't want anyone to have to go through what you went through." I know how to deal with the students, their parents, and my colleagues. I want to change the world, and this is the best way I can think of. I think I have a lot to give to my students. I think I am not too far off-base here, because every so often I run into a former student's parents and they express their desire for me to work in the program.
Currently, I am pursuing my G/T license through internet and distance courses. Everyone knows that this is my ultimate goal - I haven't been shy when telling people this is what I want. I just wonder if I have to pay my dues in regular classrooms first.
I guess I just worry that I want it TOO much. That there is something wrong with me that makes me unsuitable for teaching G/T kids. That's my insecurity.
Mostly, I think I would be excellent at it, and I desperately want to do something I could be excellent at.
>sigh< It's just hard waiting for opportunity to knock, especially when you're pacing right behind the door.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Anybody else at Hatrack ever feel this way? Did you ever tremble with desire because you wanted to BE something and weren't quite there yet?
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Actually, no. I've never felt that way. I've always been very happy and comfortable with who I've been, and yet I've always changed to be someone else. My wife feels it, but I don't. I don't know that this [edit--my not feeling this] is a good thing, really. On the one hand, I'm pretty much always comfortable, happy, and generally feeling good. On the other hand, I don't really know what it's like to be gripped by a pasion like that. At least, gripped by a passion to be something I'm not (yet).
It seems to me like the best way to figure out what you'll need to do to become a gifted teacher is to talk to other gifted teachers and find out what their experience was. Is there a web forum or something where gifted teachers hang out? I know that there's something like that for ESL teachers.
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Yes, I've felt that way, but you're a big step ahead of me. I have ambition, but I don't even know about what! That makes it quite a bit more difficult...
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote: I guess I just worry that I want it TOO much. That there is something wrong with me that makes me unsuitable for teaching G/T kids. That's my insecurity.
This sounds like the kind of irrational fear that indicates anxiety as opposed to appropriate concern. If it were me, I might try meta-belief anxiety reducing strategies.
It isn't going to be the end of the world if you don't start out teaching GT your very first year. I hear it can be rewarding to nurture normal kids and even underpriviledged kids.
(edited, heated replies to removed material possible)
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Thanks, pooka. That's what I need to keep me grounded!! It IS rewarding to teach regular ed. I'm just not as good at it. The psychology of some of the kids is quite different, and the fit between myself as a teacher and the kids is not as tight.
But you're right, I need to appreciate where I'm at and what I'm doing. I guess it's just going to be frustrating temp subbing because it's never MY classroom.
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Pooka, your comment amuses me somewhat, too, because it's just so TYPICAL of a "gifted" kid to act like I am. One of the "characteristics" you'll find on all the lists is a tendency to become really involved in projects emotionally and to be sensitive.
Remind you of anyone you know?
(Another reason I like G/T. I can TOTALLY relate to my students!)
Some of the kids in my current class (esp. the "underprivileged") don't seem to want to think. I don't give kids the answers when they ask questions. I say things like..."Did you read the instructions? Try that first." or "If you do [such and so] what happens? Maybe you could try doing the same thing with question #4." I lead horses to water. I can't make them drink, and I don't force them to. But it's not always successful.
I really am struggling to connect with my kids who refuse to meet me halfway. They want me to tell them what the answer is. Sometimes, the answer is what's inside of them - What do you think? The only WRONG answer is not to try, not to think. It's so frustrating when I see these kids either too afraid, too lazy, or too mistrustful to say/write anything.
Sometimes a connection is made, but it usually doesn't last long. And then the Administration breathes down your neck about Test Scores and No Child Left Behind, so what can you do, short of feeding them all the answers?
My talent, my joy, and my skill is pushing G/T kids further than they knew they could go and helping them deal with their emotional/social issues. I make connections with them easily. I can readily assess where they are, take them where they need to go, and turn them loose to go further. I haven't been so successful with my regular ed. students.
So, in a totally selfish way, I want to do what I find easier and more enjoyable. Challeninging, sometimes frustrating, but in a totally different way.
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kat, do you want to share? I understand if you don't, but I find it inspiring to hear other people tell about their dreams and what they are doing to reach them.
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I know what you're talking about, Jenny! Right now, I want Mark to get this job he's applying for so badly that, when I think about it too much, I start shaking. I also want to work at Pixar so much that even though I'm many years away, I do want it enough that I physically react to it.
I figure it's just lust aimed at something other than a warm body. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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I want to be able to do pull ups. It's kind of distant for me, but that's a goal that I have. There's also a mountain nearby that looks like it would be really cool to see the top of.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I think it would actually be good for you to teach regular ed for a year or two. You'll gain a lot more respect for the people around you by doing so. I have had the same experience. As some people know I spent the first three months of this school year teaching 11/12 grade special ed math. I don't have a high school certificate or special ed certificate. It was a desperation job and I hated it. Every moment of it was actually turture but I am so glad I had the experience(at least now that I'm in my dream position as an 8th grade reading teacher) I have gained an enormous amount of respect for the teachers who spend their entire day, week, year and career with these students. And I have a better understanding of the diversities of students. Even in a regular ed room it has been beneficial and I am a better teacher because of it.
So, If you don't get to it right away be patient and open minded. I spent three years in three different building and four different positions but I've finaly found a home and I plan on staying here for a good long while.
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Jenny, I'm not sure I can share, but thank you for asking. It's happened a few times, but there are only two times that I did anything with my ambition besides bury it to avoid the pain of failing. One turned out perfect - it is everything I'd hoped for, and I'm so happy. The other didn't, but it's not over yet. The story hasn't ended.
And I'm thinking about revisiting some of the old dreams I buried.
So, the first one. How did I get there? Years of work, and half a dozen or so crying-jag breakdowns, a handful of miracles, and me occasionally ramming my car into other cars on the highway out of frustration. This was the one dream I was absolutely certain that the work would be worth it. Being naturally lazy, I needed that.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I would really like to become a tai chi instructor. And a biochemist. But I think biochemistry will have to wait until my kids are in school. Maybe.
I like writing, but I get sidetracked rather easy.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I don't think it's much of a story, Jenny... but right now I'm reading Illusion of Life to try to pick up tips on character animation, and Maya Fundamentals 4.5 to learn to use the software. In January I'm hoping Cornell will pay for me to take the Advanced Computer Animation course that will be offered, which I've been asked to take. I'm also about to apply to the Vancouver Film School to start in mid-2005 (after I've earned enough to take a year off of working) where I'll take both acting fundamentals and computer animation and modeling, and leave with a demo reel to submit with job applications.
After that, we'll see. But at least I have something to work towards!
Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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quote:It IS rewarding to teach regular ed. I'm just not as good at it.
You aren't as good at it, so you can't be as good at it, so you don't like it? Is that the line of reasoning?
It sounds like you are a lot like the regular ed. students you get frustrated with, doesn't it? I mean, I remember plenty of people who didn't like math because they weren't good at it, and therefore never wanted to work at it, and therefore never could become good at it, and therefore could never like it. They just wanted to skip it as quickly as possible to get to whatever they were good at - sports, music, english, whatever. But if they had tried it more then they would have better at it and would have liked it more. It seems to be the same with you, only it's teaching regular students rather than math.
So maybe you could take the advice you give to your students when facing something they aren't quite as good at. The only WRONG answer is not to try.
And maybe recognizing how you are similar to those regular students in this way, maybe that could help you relate to them a little bit more somehow. After all, they probably REALLY can't wait until they get to recess where they can play soccer or whatever - something they are actually good at, rather than difficult schoolwork.
quote:It sounds like you are a lot like the regular ed. students you get frustrated with, doesn't it? I mean, I remember plenty of people who didn't like math because they weren't good at it, and therefore never wanted to work at it, and therefore never could become good at it, and therefore could never like it. They just wanted to skip it as quickly as possible to get to whatever they were good at - sports, music, english, whatever. But if they had tried it more then they would have better at it and would have liked it more. It seems to be the same with you, only it's teaching regular students rather than math.
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Thanks, Tres. And Irami. You guys are very good at keeping me from thinking too much of myself. I never realize just how selfish and prideful I am until I post at Hatrack, read over what I wrote a day later, and notice what sorts of replies I get. *wry grin*
I hate it when it suddenly becomes obvious how lazy I am.
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Ayelar, you go for it! Don't EVER EVER stop reaching for your dreams!
Kat, you too!
I admire all people of passion and desire who want to make something beautiful happen in the world!!!!
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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And you'll be a darned good one, too! You, my dear mack, are going to change the world in the little ways that really count in the long run. Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Then there are the dreams we don't know we have, like seeing Saddam Hussein with a really full beard.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:I never realize just how selfish and prideful I am until I post at Hatrack,
Me, I never realized what an idiot I am sometimes - how occasionally oversensitive I am - until I post at Hatrack.
I wish I'd had Hatrack as a teenager, actually. I think I should have. That would have been wonderful.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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My ambition has led me to apply for 2 masters-level classes and a new long-term temp job for the Spring Semester. I am an idiot. Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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I remembered another reason I want to teach G/T:
For the first time in my life, what I want is very very clear. I know what I want, and am willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
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