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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The Official Family Guy Quote Thread!

   
Author Topic: The Official Family Guy Quote Thread!
odouls268
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I know there are good quotes from the show floating around, but I think it's time for it's own thread.

"What are they paying you?! I'll double it! I'll give you anything you want! Money! Women! ...Men?"
-Stewie

"Is it possible [Lois] is a whore? You know, just on weekends, to pay for her dialysis? As in my fantasy? You know what, let's start over: Hi, I'm Quagmire!"
-Quagmire

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BannaOj
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"Good thing Osama Bin Laden doesn't know show tunes"

(not an exact quote paraphrased to the best of memory please feel free to correct it)

AJ

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odouls268
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"oh i wanna get it! i gotta get it!"
-Osama

[Razz]

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Koga
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Curses! why couldn't this thread have been here last night, I know there was a good quote, but I can't remember it now. You are all against me aren't you.

(I believe the quote involves broccoli)

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Koga
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I'm cheeting and linking to a page of quotes.
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odouls268
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"So broccoli? Mother says youre good for me eh? Well, Im afraid im NOT GOOD FOR YOU!!"
-Stewie

"Well then, my mission is clear: The broccoli must die."
-Stewie

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odouls268
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im not cheating. and i refuse to use that link. if i need inspiration, ill go to the dvd collection. [Big Grin]
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Book
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Stewie: Well, Olivia, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Peter: C'mon, let's go drink till we can't feel feelings anymore.

Joe: This van has the latest in crime stopping technology. Watch! (flips a swich)
(arms descend and handcuff Peter)
Van: Suspect! Suspect! You have the right to remain silent!
Peter: Haha, sweet.
Cleveland: Let me try!
Joe: Cleveland, DON'T!
Van: MINORITY SUSPECT! MINORITY SUSPECT! (arms descend and proceed to severely beat Cleveland) Watch out, he's got a gun! (Arm descends and places gun next to Cleveland.)

Woman: Help! My daughter is trapped in the well!
Fireman: We can't reach her! We'd use that long-armed guy, but he's helping an old woman tickle a midget in a tree.
(Cuts to man with very long arms tickling a midget in a tree.)
Midget: Tee hee! Tee hee!

Peter: Aw, here comes my favorite event! "Catch the greased deaf guy!"
Greased Deaf Guy: (in a silly, high pitched, wavery voice as people try to catch him) Yo nevah nunna cath me! Yo wathing yo tahm! Go do thomthing elth! Thee yall nexth yeew!

Peter: Hey, don't talk to me a physical fitness! I was in Richard Simmons' Sweatin to Books on Tape.
(cuts to people jazzercising)
Voice: The Red Sox were in town, but I didn't care. Because it was Tuesday, and I was on my way to see Morrie. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself anymore, but his indominable spirit-

(Lois at the gynecologists')
Doctor: Hello, my name is Brian, I'll be your doctor today. (leans in towards Lois' you-know-what and says in an echo-like voice) HELLO HELLO hello.... Hahahaha! Just kidding.

(later at the gynecologists)
Doctor: Don't worry about her. She wanted Pine Fresh but I gave her New Car Smell.

TV Announcer: ROLLING COURAGE: The Joe Swanson Story, Friday at 8 on ABC, followed by Dharma and Gred. (whispers) But you don't have to watch that!

[ December 12, 2003, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: Book ]

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odouls268
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Quagmire:"The statue of liberty! Oh no! What do we do?!"
Peter: "Boys, boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot."
Quagmire: "That's just crazy enough to work!"
CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG

"Kids, daddy only drank so the statue of liberty would take her clothes off."
-Peter
Peter: "Well, I feel kinda bad, I told Lois I wouldn't drink."
Quagmire: "Aww, dont feel bad Peter"
Peter: "Gee I never though of it like that."

Quagmire: "Hey Peter let's play drink the beer!"
Peter: CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG
Quagmire: "You win!"
Peter: "Alright! WHat do i win?!"
Quagmire: "Another beer!"
Peter: "Oh I'm going for the high score."
Quagmire: "Actually, Charlie's got the high score."
Charlie: (urinating into grandfather clock) "Hey man, your clock wont flush."

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Synesthesia
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Greg-Get off the couch, Dharma.
Dharma-No
Greg- You're such a free spirit.

Greg-Get off the couch, Dharma
Dharma-No, sillyhead, why don't you come up.
*greg climbs up*

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MaydayDesiax
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"GIGGDY-GIGGDY-GIGGDY-GIGGDY-GIGGDY!"--Quagmire

"What the deuce?"--Stewie

"Yes, that's my crack-addicted baby who's deadbeat father won't pay child support."--Meg [paraphrase for bad memory]

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odouls268
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"For heaven's sake shake me! Shame me like a british nanny!"
-Stewie

"But dad, I heard if you use tanning beds, you could get something called melanoma."
"Aww, that's just fancy talk for sexy-fied"
-Chris and Peter

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