posted
Due to, ummm, somewhat odd life circumstances, I wish to honor more then one lady in my life:
My Mother was a wonderful lady. She volunteered at my school, was a Girl Guide leader, and donated her time to many different charities and organizations. She was always around for me when I needed her and she supported my brother’s and I in most everything we did (some exceptions include trying to feed our little brother a banana pepper, deciding to race on lawn mowers around the back yard and many other “unique” ideas…). She guided us and taught us. She nurtured us and shaped us. She was our friend and confident. She passed away in a car accident when I was 12. I still miss her and think about her everyday.
My next “Mother” was my childhood nanny. She was and is a terrific lady. She was my Mother’s best friend. She helped my Mother out with us devil-like children, and was there for us when my Mother couldn’t be. She stayed with my family after my Mother passed away and helped us children through our grief. A disagreement occurred between her and my step-mother a few years back, in which it was decided best that she left (my older brother and I were already moved out and there was no “real” need for her per say). I go out for lunch with her at least once a month. She helped me out and aided me through many years of my life. She was around when I needed guidance the most.
I suppose another “Mother” of mine I’ve just started to get to know these past few months. The beginning of our relationship was very rocky and explosive. I had my first conversation with my stepmother the day before her and my father’s wedding. I was 14 or 15 at the time. I think the way best to describe our past relationship was one particular conversation on the phone- the line that sticks most would have to be “I have no step children”. This past 6 months, however, we’ve both tried to get to know the other better. Although we disagree on most everything, I have to admire this woman’s devotion to what she believes in and how much effort she puts into what she wants out of life. Slowly, but surely we are building a relationship of sorts. I doubt I’ll ever call her “Mom”, but as she is my stepmother.
My next “Mother” is Anne Kate. I’m not very good at describing people (as you can see above), and since we all know her here, I think I’ll leave it short and simple. She’s been here for me (and others) throughout the years. She has given me support when I needed it, given me a kick in the butt when I’ve deserved it, given me advice when I’ve asked for it, and has put up with me when I’ve been my worst. She is a terrific lady.
I just took this opportunity to call my mom and chat with her about how she makes various Korean food. Yey! She's a little distressed over the thought of me cooking Korean food for 10 people this Friday, but she told me how to make the side dishes anyhow =).
I'll share one of them with you all:
Side spinach: Blanch fresh spinach, or thaw and clean frozen spinach. Add sesame oil (1-2 tablespoons per package of spinach), salt to taste, crushed garlic, and finely chopped scallions. Mix together with sesame seeds. Serve as a side to a traditional Korean meal.
posted
I guess I should explain. Sometimes I post in a thread in a completely different emotion than the original thread progression.
I grew up in a household where I spoke to my dad about ten minutes a week, and I never told my parents _anything_ about my life outside schoolwork. Heck, I still almost tell my parents nothing. My mother only realized a couple weeks ago that I've had a guy apartment-mate since September.
I had the usual fights with my parents in middle and high school. Miserable, icky fights. My parents have a totally different moral code (read: conservative Korean background, very similar to many other asian cultures), and so I kept a lot of decisions hidden from them. Like having a boyfriend.
In college, I spoke to my parents about once every few months. I pretty much still follow this rule. And our conversations are relatively short, about 5-10 minutes. Usually because one of us has to ask something of the other (did you get this check? do you know what this bill is for? when are you coming home?). But once in a while, I have a truly good conversation with one of my parents. Usually my mom. Some of the best moments I've had with my mom are discussing Korean food, or playing golf (or miniature golf!). A few of the good moments with my dad are talking about medicine. But sometimes those can lead into fights...
Korean culture isn't my strong point. None of my sibs nor I have tried to really embrace Korean lifestyle. But I'm really making a connection with cooking. Neither my sister nor my brother cook. But I do, and I really enjoy these discussions with my mom about recipes. Brings me back to good memories of my childhood, and really tasty food.
So that's where my post came from. Delight in being able to actually share something with my mother, when so much is still kept from them in an act of self-preservation.
Posts: 1892 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Derrell, I don't think you know what this thread did to me...
As many of you may know (I do rant about this occasionally in the hug thread) my mother and I don't always get along. In fact, there are very often times when our ideas clash and our heads butt.
Recently, it's gotten a lot worse (all this is true about my father too, but this thread isn't dedicated to fathers). My mother and I have shared more arguments than we have moments of love. In fact, the latter have become more and more rare, until I've felt that they stopped altogether.
Derrell, I guess I have a huge dilemma after reading this thread. *cries* Maybe I should give it another shot!
Sorry I got all sappy and sentimental on you! Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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The reason fathers aren't included is that mine was an alcoholic and a jerk. I haven't seen him since i was 10(I think).
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
I would like to the Hatrack Moms who either mommy me or are the big sister to me for life advice. *tackle hugs* Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Derrell, I want to respond to this post, but it will have to be tomorrow. Because there are too many people reading over my shoulder here at home.
But keep the thread alive until then. Perhaps my own account will give Raia more hope for the future -- that very bad relationships can change for the good over time.
posted
(((((Derrell))))) Thanks. And wow, I'm so sorry to hear that... that's really awful, about your father! *hugs* You're very strong, to be able to handle that so well!!
(((((Farmgirl))))) Thank you, I hope so.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Derrell, your original post made me think of the great American writer Wallace Stegner, especially his semiautobiographical novel Big Rock Candy Mountain and its sequel Recapitulation. Those books are, in large part, tributes to Stegner's own mother, who died as a result of breast cancer in the 1920's, and indictments of his father, who trafficked in illegal liquor and was a neglectful and despicable husband and father. I highly recommend both books.
I feel so lucky to have two such wonderful daughters!
My own mom is something special, too. She loved kids and as the years go by, looking back, I think the very most important thing she gave to us was a home that was fun. A lot of unhappy things happened, as I suppose they do in almost every family, but overall we just had a really good time there.
We had great music going all the time. We all took turns on the airwaves, and all of us listened to everyone else's music. In that way, I came to appreciate Bach and Stravinsky and lots of classical stuff like that, that my Dad liked, and he heard our music as well, and came to like most of our bands over the years. I think it's a really good thing for everyone to be exposed to good new (for them) music, so I'm glad it was that way at our house.
She always read to us every day and night. We went as a family to the library every Sunday, and got as many books as we wanted. That was so fun. We all are readaholics, and everyone had a wide variety of interests so we exposed each other to our various interests that way too. Always if we had no money for clothes or toys, we always seemed to have money for books, when we wanted them.
We played games all the time, word games, name games, games in the car driving from one place to another, trivia games, math games, made up role playing games, logic games. I think probably the reason I could ace tests so well was that they seemed to me like a game, and I knew I could get the right answer. It's just a fun thing for me to be asked a question and know the answer. All of us tended to make much better grades than we deserved, from being good at quizzes and tests, from playing all those games.
One other thing that I appreciate so much about her was that she respected our selfness. She thought children were people, deserving of respect. For instance, if someone was watching something on tv, I've seen other people's houses where the father could come and change the channel to something he wanted to see, overruling the kids. In our family you took turns, child or grown, if you were watching something nobody could change the channel on you. If you were listening to a record, someone who wanted to hear something else or play an instrument had to wait until you were done first, or negotiate for airwaves. If you were sitting in a chair, nobody could claim that chair until you had left it free (not just going to get something and coming right back). When we discussed religion or philosophy or cosmology or alien life forms or anything at all (which we did a lot... our house was sort of a threespace hatrack), adults weren't allowed to dismiss what the kids said. What we thought was what we thought. Once when my dad got angry at me for being atheist, my mom interrupted him and said a lot smarter people than him had thought the same thing, throughout history, and so I was entitled to that opinion. That sense of selfness we had from that was incredibly important, I think. It's so much a given that I forget to think about it, even, until I see other people's families in which that isn't true and I realize how lucky we were.
I'm not anything like my mother. I'm much more like my father, in almost every way. Sometimes she gets frustrated at me, we don't communicate, she just can't understand why I'm the way I am or accept me or realize that I'm supposed to be this way. Sometimes I feel like she treats me like a retarded toddler. I realize now that they never stop raising you, even when you're 80 and they're 100. They will always be raising you. But I guess I see that it's a rare privilege to have someone who cares if your table manners are good or if you speak with correct grammar. Someone who thinks you're worth working on. I guess I think everyone needs a mom, and I'm very grateful for mine.
posted
My mother and I are very close; sometimes a little too close. We both have quick tempers, sharp tongues and easily wounded pride, but for the most part, she's very much a friend. She worries about me (over everything from working too much and driving around at night from being online and Hatracking), but only out of concern. It's breaking her heart that I'm going to LSU (three hours away from home), and even moreso that I'm thinking about transfering all the way up to Beloit, and that I want to be a teacher, she's trying to 'show me what the real world's like', although we both know I've made up my mind.
Hey, B, this is what you've got to look forward to! Although she's such a wonderful mother, I wouldn't mind it one bit.
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
(((Raia))) I hope everything works out. It has been pointed out elsewhere in this thread that no matter how old we get, our parents still try to parent us. Maybe that wasn't the best way to explain it,but you get the idea. They will always be your parents, even when you get married and start a family. That's assuming you do start a family.
When you mentioned your grandfather having cancer, it made me think about my mom and what she's going through. Then kat had to tell the story about her mom. I just had to start this thread.
posted
Did you know that he wrote a book called "Mormon Country"? i found it on Amazon while looking for the 2 books you mentioned.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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(((((Derrell))))) Yeah, I did immediately start thinking about my grandfather again after reading your post on this thread. I mean, I had been thinking of him, but now he's foremost on my mind. I'm so scared for him, I can't envision this world without my grandfather. Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Well Raia, if he's anything like my grandmother, he'll be alright. My grandmother went through breast cancer twice. We figure she's gonna outlive us all. I mean she's almost 90. That's one thing that comforts me about my mom's situation. I come from a family of fighters. I do worry about my mom, but I figure it's in God's hands. He knows what'as going to happen, so I'll just take it one day at a time.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Well, my grandfather is one of those 80-year-olds who's convinced he's 45. I mean, he's a complete workaholic, even though he's retired, and he is as active as though he were far younger.
It's funny, when we went to Israel over the summer, my dad (this grandfather is my dad's dad) and my grandfather and another friend of my grandfather's went off to some remote part of Israel, to a huge thorny archaeological site, to try and find (I don't even remember what). My grandfather and his 80-something year old friend were eagerly clambering over thorns and hills, and falling into pits and stuff, refusing to stop, rest, or drink water, while my dad, 43, was panting behind them, trying to keep up.
I thought it was funny, and there are pictures. Basically, my point is that my grandfather is not one to give in easily. He's not one to accept that he's an octogenarian. So, he might be ok longer than people are expecting.
But I still worry.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
It'll be okay raia (((raia))) As far as mothers go....my mother is one of my dearest friends in the world...yes we fight but i could not imagine this world without her... and I've came very close to finding out what that's like several times...my mom is a severe asthmatic and has had several close calls with death due to anaphylactic shock...i hate having to watch her just lying there in a hospital bed it kills me...I love my mom so much
Posts: 68 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
(((((Derrell))))) Thank you so much, I'm gonna start crying again, this thread is so beautiful, and you are so sweet. Thank you so much. We love you too, and wish you the best of luck.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I think I may have derailed my own thread. Is that allowed?
I would like to take a moment to thank all the mothers here on behalf of your children. (And the mothers to be.) I mentioned earlier in this thread that I didn't realize how much my mom meant to me until she got sick.
This thread is intended to be a place where you can share thoughts about your mothers. I realize that some of us have issues with our mothers, but don't we all.
I suppose we could throw fathers in hre somewher, but I would prefer not to. The reason for that has been stated earlier. After all these years, if I saw my father I'd probably have an overwhelming desire to punch him in the face.
posted
Helloooooo! Is anybody out there? *looks for jumper cables to jumpstart thread so it will still be alive when Farmgirl gets to work in the morning.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I am still here, but don't worry about the thread, there are threads that are still alive even though no one has posted on them since October of 2002
Posts: 733 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Hobbes, what does that fact have to do with the topic of my thread? By the way, shouldn't you be sleeping or studying?
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I'll buy that. Now about that studying. By the way would you care to share any thoughts or stories about your mother?
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
I am. But I don't have that much stories about my mother to share. She was simply a wonderful, loving person, and my grieving deprived me from a lot of memories. Read my landmark if you want to know more.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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But now I'm having second thoughts about posting my story. I mean -- it is a great story to share, but it might end up being quite LONG..
And I already wrote a very long post yesterday (it is in my Word program -- I haven't posted it yet) because there is something I really need to ask everyone's advice on -- so now I don't want to post it, and also post a LONG post about my mom in the same day. Does that make sense? It will be like writing a milestone post, but I haven't hit a milestone yet.
So what do you think? Should I post the story today about the transition in my relationship with my mom, and hold off on posting my other post, or post them both, or neither?
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*hugs* You're very strong, to be able to handle that so well!!![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
Thank you, I hope so.
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Hey, B, this is what you've got to look forward to! ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Although she's such a wonderful mother, I wouldn't mind it one bit.
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But thank you anyway.
