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Now that you're here, I want to hear the strangest Biblical stories or parables you can think of. I'm talking about little-known stories like Onan. Go forth, and seek the strange and unusual.
(I only made the Topic what it is so that those who know the Bible very well would get riled up and come in here. I apologize if I offended you.)
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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The part after Sodom and Gomarrah's burning always annoys me. And the story about the boys getting eaten by bears as well. But the best story was about this boy with a long name who became a king, that story rocks. We had a couple of bible stories books. there were about 13 volumes but we just had the first two but my aunt had them all which is why I know a lot of bible stories.
posted
Ooo! I like that story too. See, Elisha was walking along when these boys shouted, go up thou bald head, go up. And he prayed and then bears came and ate them. Then there was the story of the never ending supply of oil and the one about the young soldier that had leprosy and had to dip into the Jordan to cure it.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Yeah, Elisha and the bears is a weird one. So's Jesus and the fig tree (and the exorcism into pigs, for that matter.) The whole bit with Lot -- from the angel rape to the daughter-pimping to the slaughter to the pillar of salt to the drunken daddy seducing -- is downright lurid. The part where Elijah pours a bunch of water -- during a drought -- on a bonfire and has God ignite it in a challenge vs. the priests of Baal is pretty memorable, especially since he then has them hacked to bits. And so on...
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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My favorite is the woman who puts a tent peg through a guy's head. Who says women never do anything in the Bible? Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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The one where the Levite in Gibeah gives his daughter and his guest's concubine up for rape instead of him. That's a rather odd one. My pastor was going throug that book and got to that passage.
Made an intresting sermon.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Aug 2003
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A horrible one is Jephthah in Judges 11 who promised God that if he wins against the Ammonites he will sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house when he comes home victorious. Then he wins and the first thing to come great him is his only daughter. NEVER make promise you don't want to keep. (He did keep it though, I'm not sure what I think about that.)
I also think, "Mene, Mene, Tekel, Parsin" to myself a lot when I watch the news or hear about the stupid things people are doing. That's the hand writing on the wall from Daniel 5, which is not really that obscure.
BTW, this may be a stupid question, but I can't figure out how to change my password, can someone help me? (But, I also don't want to derail this thread, that would be rude to HRE, and I find him very entertaining. He crackes me up. )
Posts: 48 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Looking at your profile, I see you are from Upstate NY flower .
I lived the first 22 years of my life in the Syracuse area, and graduated from Oswego State last May.
Where are you from?
Oh and to answer your Q, click on the profile link in the upper righthand corner. Then there is a password field with circles in it. Delete that field and enter your new one, and hit the submit button.
[ March 12, 2004, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Ghost of Xavier ]
Posts: 80 | Registered: Dec 2001
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I like the guy in Acts who fell asleep during a sermon and fell off a balcony to his death. Fortunately, Paul was in a good mood and raised him back.
Bet the guy never fell asleep in Church again, though...
quote:And I'm from Rochester. But my office has a branch in Syracuse and I'm there a lot. All I can say is "You're a 315er "
I have some friends who live in Rochester, and have been there quite a few times.
And I must say, now I am an 858er (San Diego), so should point out that it is currently in the 70's ever day . I haven't seen snow all winter. After growing up in upstate NY (and especially Oswego), you can imagine how amazing that is to me .
Posts: 80 | Registered: Dec 2001
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What about King Saul, who ultimately lost the throne of Israel because he showed mercy -- albeit briefly -- to a defeated tribe, only to be rebuked and humiliated as the prophet Samuel brought in the man he'd spared and hacked him to pieces in front of the throne?
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I like the letter that John wrote to his widowed sister in-law and her children. Wonder how she got to be a widow.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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delicate flower and Taalcon, cool examples! I don't remember either of those. (Thanks also for the advice on how to change password--I needed that.)
I think some of Ezekiels visions were really trippin'.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I like the story of the assasin killing a very fat man in Judges 3. He was so fat that the dagger, hilt and all was swallowed up into the fat "and the dirt came out" Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:A horrible one is Jephthah in Judges 11 who promised God that if he wins against the Ammonites he will sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house when he comes home victorious. Then he wins and the first thing to come great him is his only daughter. NEVER make promise you don't want to keep. (He did keep it though, I'm not sure what I think about that.)
Have you ever read "The Oresteia" by Aeschylus? A very similar occurance of father sacrifices daughter.
Posts: 2207 | Registered: Oct 2003
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That reminds me that scholars have found that Isaac was either under 12 or over 20 when Abraham was commanded to put him on the alter and kill him.
Because, of course, if Isaac had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice.
I am recalling all the sacrament meetings when my brother Eric and I used to read the intro to The Song of Solomon, where, in italics, there's a little official Church blurb that SofS is NOT inspired doctrine. Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2004
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They weren't supposed to kill every man woman and child. They were supposed to rape the virgins and keep them for themselves.
Then there's the part about the penalty for rape being that the rapist has to take his victim as a wife. That sure is fair to her, right?
Posts: 3735 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Then there's the part where Jesus tells his followers to steal a donkey, and if someone asks what they're doing, they're supposed to say "my master has need of it."
That should get them off the hook.
Posts: 3735 | Registered: Mar 2002
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There seems to be a thundercloud of sorts hovering over my head at the moment.
Is there anything funny in the Bible, outside of Onan and SofS?
I remember my Sunday School teacher in third grade asking us if we had any questions about the Bible, and I asked her to explain a particualr verse in SofS, which I did not understand at my age.
After months of telling me that the Bible was the inspired and directed by God himself, and that no part could be left out of reckoning simply because it was "uncool," she said to me, "That book is not important. Don't bother with it. Next question."
I think that might be the reason I am the way I am today.
And mr_porteiro_head, of course dirt came out. Thats what fat men are made of, afterall.
[ March 13, 2004, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: HRE ]
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
There are lots of funny parts in the Bible, depending on how you look at it. The fig tree thing is hysterical, for example, as is the whole thing with David and the thousand foreskins. And, of course, if you're a fan of the Song of Solomon, the compliment "your hair is as a flock of wild goats" is always amusing.
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