posted
Well.. as many of you don't know, and the rest who don't remember- I was having a bit of problem with a certain girl.. here's a link to that thread.. this is a link
But to sum it all up- there was a girl, I fell in love with her, had her and then lost her- one point in time I lost her for a good year.. around the time I posted the last thread asking for advice- and the majority of it said to move on, and I was doing things wrong or something..
well- she left her boyfriend, and now her and I are, well, sorta together, but without the title, cause we both think the title is stupid...
I got her back. One problem solved.. along came another problem.. I still love her, but I don't think i'm /in love/ with her- now that we are on good terms again I actually feel more capable of moving on, but I can't hurt her.. but ever since she came back i've felt this new freedom to start new and fresh.. I guess I just wanted to end things on good terms with her before I moved on.. but I think i've already dug too far into our 'not relationship' to stop and go another direction.. I honestly do love her.. I can't bring myself to hurt her- but it also feels wrong to be with her if it's not like that for me...
posted
I made a bit of a mistake when we had our year long break up... A girl kissed me and I didn't pull away- felt so bad and guilty i told her the next day- didn't feel like i deserved her, so we sorta mutually broke up.. but I n ever let myself off the hook in my mind- couldn't move on- i had to fix things with her..though she went off into 2 other relationships..
posted
You have to decide with you mind and heart and every part of you, if you were so in love with this girl for a good reason or not. Those sorts of strong feelings come and go. People in long term relationships report that the feeling of being "in love" is not a reliable indicator of the potential for success of the relationship. Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself.
Are you and she ready for a serious relationship? (If you deliberately aren't calling it that, then this makes me think perhaps one or the other of you don't feel ready to be serious about each other yet.)
Would she make a good life partner? (Does she have the qualities of character and spirit that you would want to team up with?) Ask yourself what character traits matter most to you. Is it a loving heart, for instance? Or responsibility? The ability to take joy in life, to laugh and have fun and enjoy being alive? Someone who takes care of you?
Does she truly love you? Does her face light up when she catches sight of you? Does she think about you all the time? Does she talk about you incessantly to all her friends and family until they wish she would hush? Does she take joy in your triumphs, and feel sorrow for your hurts? Does your happiness seem to matter to her?
Who are you when you are with her? Are you someone better than you are alone? Are you smarter, kinder, more capable and confident? Do you love yourself when you are with her?
While you're asking these questions about her, you can think about the other side, too. Do you truly love her, as evidenced by the same observations, is she a better person when you are with her, etc.
Look at the way she treats her close family members. Look carefully at their relationships. If they are strong and healthy and loving, then that's a good sign. If they aren't, do you understand why and know that things wouldn't be like that between you two?
Good luck. Do what your heart and mind and spirit tell you is right.
posted
Wow aka, you could be an agony aunt - good advice.
Maybe you need to sit down and talk about your feelings for each other.
Why are you back together?
Is it because you're comfortable together and not because you're actually in love with each other?
Why did she split with her other boyfriend and did getting back together with you just feel like the safe thing to do? Or did she split with him because it was you she wanted to be with?
Did you get together with her because you still hadn't gotten over how you split up?
Be honest with each other. It's best to do it now before your relationship gets too serious that you both end up hurting each other more. Maybe you just need to stay really good friends.
I'm no expert on love and relationships as I'm single - so mine didn't work out but I know communication is essential. Maybe she feels the same as you?
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