Okay, I could see how someone might want to tell you that you are not what they'd come to expect from a young woman who has decided to maintain her virginity. But that's probably only because you're dealing with people are too young (or too stupid) (or both) to realize that people can have fun without being sexually active.
More's their loss as far as I could tell.
So, is this one particular jerk you're dealing with or has your fun-despite-being-a-virgin nature become a general topic of discussion?
Gah!
I think you should worry deeply about the motives of anyone who can't value you as a person unless they know your status vis-a-vis sexual activity.
Or am I reading too much into this?
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Oh, it's been a general concern for this year, actually. In particular, I just had a bad day and blew up at a guy I'm interested in over something he said this morning (which I interpreted in a way completely different from what he meant). But it's been on my mind for a while just because of the reactions of a couple of my friends when the topic came up in conversation.
Posts: 9057 | Registered: Nov 2000
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If it makes you feel any better, it works the opposite way, too. That is, if you're more sexually aggressive/free, whatever, than some people believe a person should be, you'll lose friends over it. My point is that there are tons of people out there who value virginity, and many who don't. Personally, I've found far more women who wait for that special someone, and value their virginity, than don't. But that's just me and, with an eye to what Tom said earlier, YMMV. I think we are more apt to notice the many who don't feel as we do because it effects us much more personally. For me, it was, and is, the opposite.
I say this not to trivialize what you're going through, but because I get the sense that you seem to feel that you are some kind of wild exception to a general rule of licentiousness and are feeling somewhat upset because of it. Geoff responded to this feeling as well, I see, but I think Geoff is somewhat feeding into this perception even though he is counselling you to feel o.k. about your virginity. To repeat, there really are lots of people out there who believe that their virginity is special. You're not alone or an exception to the rule.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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pH, IMHO, if telling these friends to stop being jerks about this doesn't work, then you should just let the friendship fade away.
You are who you are, and either they were attracted to you and your personality, or they wanted somethign from you. If it's the former, they'll be okay with you telling them off, mildly, and move on. If it's the latter, then at least for now the relationship is an obvious waste of time and effort.
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