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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » LOTR Wenches' Tavern (Page 12)

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Author Topic: LOTR Wenches' Tavern
fallow
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*backs dream-car off the trailor, taking care to ease the rear payload onto the pavement*
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fallow
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*drops clutch and vroom-vrooms up the hill*

*squeals to a stop inches away from the rose-garden*

*removes helmet*

*plucks keys from the "f###-me" porche's ignition and tosses them to Skillery*

*wrestles with the padlock on the porche's tow-trailer*

"skill? little help?"

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Telperion the Silver
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*uses incredible tree-strength to pry lock apart*

There you go!

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skillery
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*slides into the Porsche’s driver's seat*

*turns key in ignition*

*hears engine purring like a kitten*

*presses accelerator*

*hears engine growling like a wildcat*

*removes foot from accelerator*

*purring resumes*

*removes key from ignition*

*purring continues*

*scratches head*

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skillery
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*pops rear engine compartment*

*is lept upon by a half-starved bobcat*

"Ummm, Fallow?"

"May I ask you a question?"

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fallow
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thanks Telpy!

*peers into trailer*

*plucks old deflated basketball out and drop-kicks it over the horizon with disgust*

"gah!!!"

*recomposes self and carefully backs Harley down onto the pavement*

*spies Skillery wrestling with cat*

*sighs, gets off bike, walks over and kicks kitty arse over the horizon*

"skillery, sure. can it wait?"

*stomps back to the Harley, clamps helmet down and tears off across the landscape in pursuit of that huffy walking wench with the basket*

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Shan
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*Finds a peaceful nook nestled between a tree with trembling, golden leaves and a gently whipering brook*

*Sighs in delight*

"Ah - peace and quiet. What a delightful thing."

*Leans against the tree and closes her eyes*

"Just a wee sleep and then I'll be off again . . . "

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fallow
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*off-roading across the unfamiliar countryside beyond the wenchy-tavern's rosegarden on an ill-suited vehicle, a singular thought crosses fallow's sun-bedappled thought textures*

"note to self: moto-cross, not harley!"

"riverbed?!"

*in an indescribably hurried sequence of events, Fallow is herkily-jerkily propelled from the gasoline-powered steed, across the aforementioned brook into a tree of uncommon arboreal resilience and shaded delight*

"ouch!"

[ June 17, 2004, 12:53 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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Vána
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*strolls back to the Tavern after a holiday in the woods*

What on Arda is going on here? Why are there motor vehicles??

*is amazingly confused*

You'd better keep those beasts out of my garden!

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Olivetta
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It HAS been a bit strange around here of late. Someone just came in trying to find the "Good Tolkien Wizards" downstairs so they could defeat the "Evil Rowling Wizards" who are apparently also Hobbits of some sort.

Of course, I may be a bit confused. The fellow was most strange.

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skillery
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*moves pieces of spider kite wreckage to a more secluded location*

*cuts fresh willow branches to replace the broken kite spars*

*is relieved to find the sail undamaged*

*remembers having seen a useful item in the Porsche*

*removes the steering wheel from the car*

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Shan
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*blinks drowsily at unfamiliar birdsong*

*falls back to sleep*

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fallow
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*shakes dazed head and removes helmet*

*knocks on wood... err, tree root*

*looks up into the branches of the tree to glare at the angry squirrel derisively chittering away at him*

*stands*

*a well-aimed chestnut glances off Fallow's noggin*

"bonk!"

"Sigh"

*Fallow surveys the cozy locality, nearly dipping into a brook-related reverie when his attention is stolen by the sounds of ... snoring?*

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Jenny Gardener
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Meanwhile, back at the Tavern..

Jenny is harvesting fresh peas in the garden. They are so sweet and fresh straight off the vine! Will any make it indoors for supper?

Also, there are ripe raspberries growing on the edges of the woods. Be careful! They have thorns and poison ivy grows nearby. But Oh! Taste the summer-sweet juice that stains your lips and fingers. I think you'll agree that any degree of scratches and itches are worth this brief hedonistic moment of pleasure...

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Shan
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*awakes mid-snore*

*spies fallow standing over her shaking fist angrily at the squirrel preparing to launch another projectile*

*giggles*

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fallow
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REELing from a head-on collision with a tree, Fallow mistakenly identifies the sound of giggling with his new-found nemesis - the squirrel.

*bonk*

Fallow curses under his breath and attempts to gain a foothold on the tree in pursuit of the irritating rodent when he falls face first into a basket of...

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Shan
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*stinging nettles - collected for herbal remedies relating to women's monthly cycles*
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Jenny Gardener
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Thank you, Shan. Nettles also make a very healthy spring tonic.
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fallow
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*tries to raise paw to scratch face as the poison works it's way into his face*

*recalls convo with dealership proprietor as consciousness fades*

Herb, "Whatcha lookin' for?"

Fallow, "Not sure, really. Just kind of pokin' around."

Herb grins.

*the grin makes a 90 degree turn as Herb's wife emerges from the dealership's ladie's room*

"The boy looks a little raw, Herb." says Nettie.

"I reckon he does. I reckon he does."

[ June 18, 2004, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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Shan
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"My pleasure, Jenny. Any other gathering you'd like me to do?"

*Pauses long enough to crumple some ferns between her hands and dab at fallow's face and arms*

"There, there, fallow - it'll stop stinging soon."

*Sighs*

"At least you have a sense of humor about it all."

*Adjusts straw hat and picks up basket of stinging nettles*

"Jenny? Shall I bring these back now? I can't remember if we need to dry these out before we can use them or if we need to immediately steep them . . . "

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Jenny Gardener
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Let's use 'em fresh. I'm in the mood for fresh today.

*lays out fresh cream and raspberries, pea and lettuce salad, and freshly caught and fried fish*

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Shan
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"Oh, that looks delightful, Jenny! Let me just get fallow tucked in upstairs for yet another restorative nap"

*Tucks fallow in and pats him gently on the head*

*Joins Jenny in a delightful repast*

"Jenny - things seem a little different around here this time - or is it just me?"

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fallow
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*rolls over and buries face in soggy pillow*

*raises head*

"mmrruphle?!"

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fallow
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*fallow raises his head from a tear-streaked silken bosom*

"bonk"

a walnut bounces off Fallow's cranium and plops into the brook

"plop"

*fallow leans back to take a look at the dozing beauty murmuring strange names in her sleep*

[ June 18, 2004, 01:07 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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Jenny Gardener
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Definitely different.

But interesting, definitely interesting.

I'm going to visit Boromir and Faramir. Perhaps they might be interested in a sandwich.

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Telperion the Silver
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*glows with silver light*

Hey! Don't wake her up from her sleep. Gods and angels have rested in my flickering beams.

*glimmers some more*

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skillery
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*smells fried fish*

*leaves work on the kite to see what's cooking in the tavern*

*loads up a salad plate with fresh greens from a basket near the front door*

*makes his way back outdoors, balancing a second plate loaded with fish*

*slides onto a bench at a trestle table, shaded by an ancient willow*

*digs heartily into the salad*

*feels a sudden relief of tension in his midsection*

*feelth hith tongue beginning to thwell*

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Shan
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*Wonders if she is dreaming reality or if reality is dreaming or who the heck is supposed to be asleep anyhow?*

*Wonders if she is awake or not*

*Wonders if it really matters*

*Wonders if Jenny has found Boromir or Faramir yet*

*Debates the wisdom as to whether sandwhiches were a part of Tolkien-land or not*

*Decides that if Harley's, sports cars and talking cats can exist in this current tale, sandwhiches undoubtedly can*

*Is startled out of her meditations by a grumphhl-snore-gasp and realizes that truly she is the one awake and fallow is fast asleep on the plush grass under Telp's shimmering boughs*

*Wonders if she merely imagined Jenny's presence . . . and what is to become of the current incarnation of the wenchly tavern*

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fallow
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*fallow's fingers run through the deep plush carpet of Skillery's taste buds*

"huh?"

*fallow follows the beckoning light as a gagging gaping maw opens over a trestle table*

*does a jig on the tip of Skill's swollen tongue and stares deeply into hound-dog eyes*

"Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth."

*resumes native size on the table*

*is momentarily distracted by the noises emanating from the porsche in the driveway*

*wonders why anyone would choose to make sandwiches in a small sports car?!?*

"thump"

"bonk"

*fallow catches the nut rebounding from his noggin, makes a vulgar gesture at the offending and persistant rodent, and inspects the pea-sized projectile*

"Telpy?! I had no idea!"

*tosses golden nugget into the whispering brook beneath the benevolent boughs and watches it settle*

[ June 18, 2004, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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skillery
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*putheth the nettle thalad athide*

*smells a strange odor and notices a faint green vapor wafting through the trees*

*is reminded of a mysterious clearing in the woods*

*finishes his fish and hurries back to his work on the kite*

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Shan
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Zzzzzzzzzzzz
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fallow
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*wakens from a peaceful slumber at brook's edge to the buzzing of a host of gnats hovering overhead*

*swats at blackfly pestilence*

"murmers a request to Telpion*

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skillery
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*after a good night's rest, notes that the wind is blowing in the general direction of the mysterious clearing*

Ah, the perfect day for spider kiting!

*has rigged a new spider twine retrieval mechanism and steering mechanism to the kite*

*makes a quick trip to the privy*

*fastens the end of the twine to a stout peg in the middle of the Wenches' Meadow*

*stretches a hundred yards of twine across the meadow, checks the soundness of the harness and rigging and then launches into the wind*

*grips the Porsche steering wheel tightly as he feels the exhilaration of flight once again*

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Shan
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*yawns, stretches, blinks and peers through the glistening leaves in shock*

*elbows fallow's snoring form*

"Wake up! Look! Skillery's at it again!"

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fallow
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*wakens, smacks lips, breathes into cupped hand, sniffs, smiles and rolls over*

huh?

*follows wench's line of sight skyward*

*chuckles and puckers*

*turns back to Shan and plants one*

[ June 20, 2004, 02:38 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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skillery
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*spends a glorious afternoon soaring in the sun*

*practices steering the kite by shifting his weight from side to side*

*finds that he can climb and dive by pushing and pulling on the steering wheel*

*keeps an eye on the mysterious clearing, which is some distance downwind*

*waits until the wind shifts direction so as to carry him directly over the mysterious clearing*

*releases the tether and glides with the wind*

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Shan
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*slaps fallow across the face*

"Unhand me, sir! How dare you take such liberties with my person!"

*Is terrified the convent will no longer accept her now that she has been kissed and begins sobbing hysterically*

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fallow
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*nuzzles Shan thru hysterics - keeping a watchful eye on flailing slappy-hands*

"you done, yet?"

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Shan
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*Peeps through her hands at fallow in best Scarlett O'Hara fashion*

*resumes crying*

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fallow
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*sticks fingers in ears and wonders if the rosegarden needs a latenight weeding session*
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Shan
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[Razz]

tend ye rosebuds while ye may . . .

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fallow
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*despondently watches etherial wench gather her basket*

*yanks hair, gesticulates at the moon, considers dropping trou, and commences to sobbing amidst the moonlit thorns of the garden*

[ June 20, 2004, 04:55 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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Shan
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"Silly boy! Come help me with the roses."

"Or rock me to sleep."

*Notes that the neighbor's dog has remained quiet and contemplates the possibility of sttempting to sleep again*

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fallow
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*tosses T-bone to neighbor's dog (if indeed that howling can be attributed to a dog 'round these parts), frenzilliantly weeds rosegarden without aid of nightvision goggles, waxes and polishes the porsche in the driveway, sweeps the tavern's steps, staggers into the tavern making sure not to bang the screen-door... *takes a deep breath*...

*rushs up the steps of the tower to deliver pecks g'night to sleeping wenches (oddly visible in slumber) then back down said steps to...*

*collapse beside the hearth, drawing his cloak tight and squinting through the tavern's windows at the moon*

*wink*

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skillery
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*is alarmed that at the current rate of descent he will come up well short of the target clearing*

*looks frantically for a place to land in the dense forest and finds none*

*spots a huge spider web strung between two towering trees*

*steers the kite in the direction of the web*

*slams into the web, the kite sticking fast*

*anticipates the arrival of the orb weaver at any moment*

*lowers the remaining twine from the spool and prepares to slide to the ground*

*with twilight approaching is not anxious to spend the night on the forest floor*

*remains in the sling, hoping that the orb weaver will not notice the huge kite and its Hobbit cargo*

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Shan
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*Abruptly awakes from bizarre dreams during her snooze under the leafy tree near the babbling brook*

"Gracious! I'll never get to adventuring at this rate."

*Stands up, dusts off skirt, jauntily places straw hat atop her golden curls and sets back off down the road swinging her basket*

"Upon the hearth the fire is red,
Beneath the roof there is a bed;
But not yet weary are our feet,
Still round the corner......."

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skillery
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*wakens at dawn, sore and kinked after a fitful night's sleep in the kite sling*

*takes note of the general direction of the mysterious clearing*

*slides down the kite twine to the forest floor, lamenting the loss of the kite*

*visually lines up a succession of trees in a straight line and heads off in the general direction of the mysterious clearing*

*makes his way cautiously in the permanent twilight cast by the dense canopy overhead*

*notes that the forest floor is baren except for an abundance of a familiar species of mushroom*

Wench Jenny would be in stew heaven.

[ June 21, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]

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skillery
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*fords a small stream*

*notices that there seem to be fewer mushrooms on this side of the stream, and that the ground has been disturbed in places*

Hmmm, somebody's making stew...

*comes across a footpath*

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fallow
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*putters around the tavern*

*gets the nibbles and checks the fridge and cupboards*

"what kind of wenches would have such a barren kitchen?"

*finds a lone sheaf of saltines, departs the kitchen and settles into the watch some TV*

*finds remote and begins clicking through channels*

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skillery
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*follows the footpath, keeping several feet off to one side so as to not leave footprints on the trail*

*notices that the trees seem to be thinning ahead*

*hurries anxiously*

*stops short as the trees give way to a glade*

*sees a rickety old shack in the center of the clearing; a plume of green smoke is rising not from the shack's chimney, but from a strange contraption near the edge of the clearing; an old crone is tromping barefoot in a pool of brilliant blue muck; a large pile of mushrooms lies on the ground next to the pool of muck*

*is nearly overpowered by the stench of the place*

*freezes stock still as the crone raises her head and looks about*

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