posted
8.30 am: Wake up. Coffee. Switch on Computer.
8.32 am: Hatrack down for servicing. Website playing soothing music. Experience a slight jolt, but the screen (therefore OSC) tells me not to panic. Follow instructions and don’t panic.
8.35 am: Still not panicking. On second cup of coffee.
8.45 am: Decide to go out and check mail
8.46 am: No mail yet. Hatrack still down. Still not panicking.
9.00 am: Decide to get on with real work. Pull up appropriate file on computer.
9.06 am: Finding work difficult. Keep humming “It’s Not Easy Being Green” for some reason.
9.10 am: Check Hatrack. Just in case. Still down. Slight chest tightness and shortness of breath. Start deep breathing exercises as recommended by doctor.
9.20 am: Finish Deep breathing. Feel much better. Quick glance to see if the ‘rack is back online. Recommence deep breathing.
9.40 am: Check Mail. Still Nothing.
9.45 am: Sit at piano. “Brick”, by Ben Folds Five somehow morphs into “It’s not easy being green” Strange…
10.00 am: Decide to get out of house, away from computer. Walk to post office to ask if the mailman is coming. While there, check at coin operated internet terminal. Hatrack Still offline.
10.02 am: Nice lady in Post office gives me a chair and a glass of water while I get my breath back.
10.10 am: Stop at CD shop. No versions of “It’s not easy…” in stock.
10.30 am: Dymocks booksellers: “What the #$#@ do you mean you don’t have anything new by Orson Scott Card? No, I don’t care if he hasn’t written anything lately…”
10.32 am: No longer permitted to shop at Dymocks.
10.33 am: Walk home humming “It’s not easy…”
11.00 am: Sit back at computer. Open main work file. Type six words. Check Hatrack. Still down 11.03 am: First real signs of panic start to set in.
11.15 am: Sweep up glass. Coax cat back down out of tree. Apologise to old lady next door. Call therapist – no appointments available for three days.
11.30 am: Start to make third cup of coffee for the day. Abandon it in favour of first tequila.
11.52 am: Accidentally log on to craphats.com Purchase a purple felt fedora with orange polka dot band and green feathers.
12.00 pm: Hatrack still down. Check Amazon.com for “It’s Not Easy Being Green” Order the six CD set of “Kermit’s greatest Hits.” For only $186.99 US dollars (postage and handling extra)
12.13 pm. Check mailbox. Nothing.
12.20 pm. Still no mail
12.32 pm. Where the heck is that postman?
12.40 pm. Postman arrives.
12.41 pm: Frank and open exchange of views with mailman on the current state of the Australian Postal Service.
12.43 pm: Retrieve mail from neighbour’s yard. Go inside to treat Rottweiler bites.
12.50 pm: Hatrack still offline. Second Panic attack threatens.
1.00 pm: Talk to Nice Police officers at door. Deny all knowledge of harassing postal workers. Frank and open exchange of views on police harassment and corruption in Australia.
1.05 pm: Call Lawyer re: Court Summons next Tuesday
1.15 pm: Hatrack offline. Log onto Games.com and play scrabble against “venus buttmonkey” V.B. Challenges my final word “QZXVSWP” on a triple word score. Lose game 530 to 36
1.45 pm: Reported to site mods by Venus Buttmonkey. Logged out of Games.com for foreseeable future.
2.00 pm: Okay. Work. Really…
2.03 pm: Check Hatrack. Garn.
3.00 pm: Mother calls. Incoming call drops modem off internet. Frank and open exchange of views on the problems with modern parenting. Told to ‘grow up’
3.06 pm: I’m a teapot. I’m a teapot. I’m a teapot. I’m a teapot…..
3.30 pm: Oprah: My Partner is an internet addict. Full of sad cases – unbelievable. Turn it off…
4.00 pm: Check Hatrack. Still down. Panic attack Number two.
4.10 pm: Remove Cat from ceiling fan. Check pantry for cat sedatives. Give two to cat. Take four myself.
4.15 pm: I’m a teapot again, man…(and I like it…)
4.40 pm: Hatrack still down. Typing posts and responses to self in Microsoft Word.
4.55 pm: email myself all the issues I have with homosexual marriage. Then reply and tell myself that I’m too narrow-minded. Decide that I’m not going to email here anymore, and email myself to announce as much...
5.00 pm: Close work folder for the day.
5.02 pm: Trogdor is my hero. Trogdor is my hero. Trogdor is my hero…
6.00 pm: Dinner preparation. Forgot to buy food. Order Pizza. Pizza delivery man refuses to stop and pick me up a bottle of tequila on the way.
6.03 pm: Frank and open exchange of views on current state of Pizza industry in Australia
6.15 pm: Realise that it’s the middle of the night in America. That’s why they’ve taken the ‘Rack down. Consider emigration.
6.30 pm: recorded message: “The United States consulate is closed for the evening. For all Green Card applications, please call back during business hours…”
6.33 pm: In car. Drive to Consulate. Bang on door.
7.00 pm: Frank and honest exchange of views with large American man in what appears to be a US Marine Corp uniform on the current state of US / Australian relations.
7.02 pm: Unconscious
8.00 pm: Wake up in darkened room. Tied to chair. Light shining in eyes. Asked to explain myself and my affiliations. Mention first name that comes into my head.
8.02 pm: Dumped from back of blacked out van into street. CIA men drive off to look for an “Orson Scott Card” Stagger to nearest internet café.
8.15 pm: Hatrack still down.
9.00 pm: Arrive home. Fall into bed. Strange dreams about Kermit the Frog singing “it’s not easy being green” while delivering mail dressed in a US Marine Corps uniform. Hope for a better day tomorrow…
Posts: 466 | Registered: Sep 2003
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First thing in the morning: Baby falls off couch, landing on base of skull. Can't use limbs and can't stay awake.
Next several hours: ER, during which she recovers and is fine.
2:00: While putting baby down for a nap, my son holds the point of a marker into the carpet letting it bleed out, repeating in about twenty places.
2:10: Upon returning to the living room, I see one blue spot on the carpet, I begin to clean it, thinking it is just a small spot. Spraying the cleaner results in the spreading and further bleeding of the marker, and the cleaner touches a second spot that I hadn't noticed before, which also begins to bleed. A lightbulb goes on in my head. Fear in my heart, I stand back and spray the entire living room carpet with the cleaner, revealing twenty or so bleeding marker spots.
Rest of day: Cleaning marker with peroxide and baking soda, while son is made to sit on a chair and watch me clean in utter boredom. (I would have made HIM clean it up but it wasn't something he could do.)
All in all, very productive.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Out of curiosity, how did you cope when you were away for two weeks a while back? And what did imogen do during all this drama?
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Nope, Kama. We have coin op. terminals everywhere - libraries, airports, all sorts of places. They're pretty expensive, though - usually about $2.00 for 12 minutes or so.
(((PSI))) What a shocker of a day.
quote: Out of curiosity, how did you cope when you were away for two weeks a while back? And what did imogen do during all this drama?
When I was away I made regular and effective use of an internet cafe. And also the computing facilities of the school I was visiting. I also quivered a lot
And Imogen had a worse time of it than me - she had to go to work and THERE WAS NO HATRACK!!! AARGH. I still shudder to think of it...
posted
Yeah, I still think you two had it easy. It was ONE day for you -- two for me. *twitch* Weird time-zone thing, I guess. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Hey hey, me too, don't forget. At work, in Australia, no 'rack. It was horrible. Kept on checking into AIM chat to see if anything was happening.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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