posted
hey ya'll i just got done recording a song i wrote called "watching headlights fade" plus i have another song on this site too called "i don't care"
it's me playing my guitar and singing check them out here:
posted
Okay, you put them on a public forum, so you want honesty, neh? (If not, it's important to state your desire for a lack of honesty and blind accolades in the first post. FYI.)
Layering was a good choice. It made the songs more interesting. It appears that you have a natural gift for music at a young age, and this is a good thing.
Your lyrics aren't extremely interesting. They're basic, accessible lyrics, but if you're just you and your guitar (and unless you're Tim Reynolds, or summin) you're going to have to distinguish yourself from every other person on the planet with a voice and guitar. A good way to do this is lyrics. Sting used to carry with him a tome of poetry and potential lyrics wherever he went. He'd add to them at random times, and when The Police would come up with a rhythm/melody/skeleton of a song, he'd whip it out and match lyrics to the mood of the music. As the lyrics to Police songs are anything but boring, it obviously worked.
Maybe you do this anyway, but if not I'd suggest this method, or one similar, to add some spice to your lyrics.
Your voice is decent. It doesn't blow me away, but it's pleasant enough. I'd not focus on your voice as a device. Use it to get your lyrics across, and work on the atmosphere you're trying to create in the song before highlighting your vocal qualities. You can hit notes, but your range isn't getting you a part in Phantom of the Opera, so really concentrate on mood. That would be my suggestion.
If you highlighted your guitar playing to the best of your abilities, well, keep practicing. If you were holding back for the sake of the mood of the music (since they were both slow songs), then you may want to jazz them up a bit. Again, atmosphere. David Gilmore could play one note for two minutes and you'd be, like, "Whoa, man. That note ROCKS."
Art can be about proficiency, but for me it's more about communicating a feeling that I may not normally experience in my limited Ralphie world. Sometimes, it's finding something that perfectly communicates something I have already felt, or am feeling right now, but no matter what it is - it's a FEELING. Your music is nice and accessible, in that 'everyone has experienced the headlights leaving' way. But keep working on it, and they're be just as interesting as they are accessible.
Please kindly remember that I know jack about music, and am speaking entirely as someone who would be your demographic in the music world, not a peer.
posted
thank you very much for responding....that was helpful...
you (correctly) assumed that i am trying to get feedback on what anyone likes/ doesn't like so I can continue to improve, so whoever else responds can definitely feel free to say whatever you want about my music...as cruel or kind as you deem necessary
posted
First things first. I applaud your courage putting your early efforts online.
One of my partners is a fine musician, and she and I discussed Headlights as we listened. I'll give you a "John Mayeresque" tone to your song, with the pluses and minuses.
I totally loved the line about her saying "I love you" first, giving you the chance to practice it and get it right next time. Good stuff. I generally agree with Ralphie about emulating Sting. You couldn't ask for a much better role model when it comes to song writing.
Try and hook me with the lyrics. The thing about Jewel in the early days was, "Holy S$@#$@! Did she really write that? She's too young to have written that!" You have the intuition, now just work on the wording.
Again, my heartiest congratulations on posting those songs. Please keep at it, so I can say I knew you when...
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