posted
Okay, I'm going to ask a favor of everyone. Every May my school has an event called the variety show. It's basically a talent show without judges or first, second, and third place. So you go up in front of a crowd, (it usually takes place at 7 in the evening, and the choir and band performs as well) perform, and leave. Well, I've decided that this year I'm going to sing a song in the variety show. However, this is going to be extremely hard for me since I'm painfully shy. Which is why I'm making myself do this. But I need you guys to how me accountable and make me do it. The signup isn't until February or March, but I've decided now and I have to keep myself from backing down. Last year I was going to, but I chickened out. So I REALLY need your guys' help. Thank you so much! ((((everyone))))
posted
That's okay, I'll pass....I actually don't know that I sing that well, you'd have to ask Farmgirl, but I decided I don't care if I sing well or not!
I thought someone might say they would've made me sing! I'm glad I didn't mention it then. Although, I don't know that I'd already decided I was going to sing by then.
Plus, I don't have the numbers of any Hatrackers. And long distance costs any arm and two legs.
Actually, I already am a lot better than I used to be. I was really bad when I was younger, and I wouldn't talk to anybody. Period. But now I'm doing better because I make myself talk to people even when I don't want to! I'm cruel to myself.
posted
Well, I've sung one at the church my aunt goes to (I'm still not daring enough to sing at my own) and it turned out okay, although the song was totally wrong for my voice...oh well. And I had two backup singers for during the chorus, although one could not carry a tune in a bucket and the other was too scared to sing, so I ended up singing even louder to cover up the one who could not sing......... Oh well. I don't know if I'm really reserved. Especially if I get really tired or a lot of sugar. And I know my voice is not wonderful. Probably about normal. But the one time I went to the variety show there was a girl there who picked a song WAY too low for her, and she still got tons of applause and cheering, so I figure I'll do okay. (((((to all)))))
quote:The signup isn't until February or March, but I've decided now and I have to keep myself from backing down. Last year I was going to, but I chickened out. So I REALLY need your guys' help. Thank you so much! ((((everyone))))
Woohooo IvyGirl!!!!
I got dragged into performing in the school talent contest my senior year with a couple friends (we did a dance to madonna's "Jimmy Jimmy"). Was scared completely <bleep>less up until we actually hit the stage.... and had an absolute BLAST!
posted
Sing in the shower. Then when you get up to perform visualize yourself in the shower.
Seriously, though, singing well is 95% confidence. There are very few people who are anatomically incapable of singing well. Vocal control is one of the most important human traits whether you believe we were created or evolved.
Frank Sinatra reportedly never performed a song that he hadn't practiced at least 100 times. Often people are praised for being "a quick study", able to sing something by sight or hearing it only once. But I'm a believer in practicing.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Ivygirl has a very nice voice. But she will have to learn to project it before the show, because she sings quietly. And personally I think the song she has picked out is difficult for that type of thing, but whatever makes her happy.
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Hey! I can project just fine when I want to! My brothers always tease me so I don't like to sing loud around them. And since usually Mom is there as well, all she has heard was me sing quiet. But I didn't do that when I sung at the church....
And actually, I don't find the song that difficult, and believe it to the right song to sing. Plus, it's a lot of fun to sing!
posted
Good luck to you... I'm going to read in front of people next month. People I don't know so well so I know how that goes...
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I have never seen anyone get any negative reactions at a church or school variety show (except for teachers, we were pretty tough on our teachers). Just have fun, I'm sure you will do great Posts: 4116 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Seriously, if you are really that shy, you probably have a social phobia and they really do make medicine for that. Or, you could just force yourself to do stuff. But I'm willing to bet that won't work in the long run. Plus research seems to indicate that early treatment of depression, OCD, and social phobias may prevent a progession of symptoms and may actually be more healthy for the brain, especially in an adolescent, whose brain is more fragile than originally thought. Just a thought from an agorophobic who started out with a social phobia and got worse.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
IvyGirl, I think this is great! I'm so excited for you, and I'm proud of you for deciding to do it just because you want to. I'm sure you'll do wonderfully... but if you don't normally project because of your brothers, you really should be sure you practice someplace where you're comfortable projecting a few times before the actual show. Just because you should do it in as close to the same conditions as possible, so you're less nervous.
Make sure you tell us in February or March when you sign up!
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
This sounds really cool! I'm actually really envious because I've never had the courage to do anything like this. I'm scared to sing even in front of my friends.
If you ever want someone to listen to you, just send me your phone number and I have unlimited long distance nights and weekends. I won't be able to tell if you're good or not, though, because I'm completely tone deaf. Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Good advice. Actually, however, out of my three kids, Ivygirl is the least shy, and she is shy! But she is working on it. Her oldest brother probably has social phobia (my younger sister has fought with this phobia for years, so I know what it is) -- he even makes me order for him in McDonalds because he doesn't want to talk to the clerk. But he is really working on it and getting better by forcing himself to do things like that. He just made up his mind one day to try to get better --before that it was really crippling for him.
I don't think any of my kids will ever become extroverts, but I am glad they are trying to learn to be more social. (and I will always wonder what I did wrong in parenting to make them all so painfully shy, when I am the opposite)
I know what you're talking about, I used to be painfully shy as well, and now it's as though there are two Raias... the normal me, and the stage me! (Who only shows up on stage, amazingly enough)
But yeah, you should e-mail me or IM me or something, we can chat! Both e-mail and screen name are in my profile. I would love to talk to you!
quote: I have unlimited long distance nights and weekends.
I just saw this and registered it... blacwolve, I'm e-mailing you my phone number, call me sometimes! I miss you!!
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote: (and I will always wonder what I did wrong in parenting to make them all so painfully shy, when I am the opposite)
Probably nothing. Here's some info from a helpful site.
quote:What Causes Social Phobia?
Research to define causes of social phobia is ongoing.
*Some investigations implicate a small structure in the brain called the amygdala in the symptoms of social phobia. The amygdala is believed to be a central site in the brain that controls fear responses.
*Animal studies are adding to the evidence that suggests social phobia can be inherited. In fact, researchers supported by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) recently identified the site of a gene in mice that affects learned fearfulness.
*One line of research is investigating a biochemical basis for the disorder. Scientists are exploring the idea that heightened sensitivity to disapproval may be physiologically or hormonally based.
*Other researchers are investigating the environment's influence on the development of social phobia. People with social phobia may acquire their fear from observing the behavior and consequences of others, a process called observational learning or social modeling.
Besides meds, cognitive-behavioral therapy is also used. And it's basically what your son is already doing. Exposure therapy and anxiety management are the two major components of CBT and it sounds like your kids are already working on the exposure part. Good luck to them!
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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blacwolve -- you'd be surprised how cheap overseas rates can be for cell phones, sometimes. Look into it.
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I'm sure I wouldn't, I just don't have it on my current plan. Which I got less then a month ago. And share with my mom. Which she pays for.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
It's weird for me - I dislike the thought of getting up in front of people while I'm sitting in the audience and not planning on speaking. But when I'm backstage or on deck or whatever, I'm alright with it. And when I'm actually in front of people, I have a fantastic time. When I'm called upon to give an impromptu speech, these same things happen, just in a much more rapid pace. I can't explain it. But I think overall, I enjoy being in front of people. As far as prepping things go, well... I don't. Much. I write up an outline, read over it once or twice, and run with it - when fresh things pop into my head, I just let them fly. Then again, doing that to a song might not be the best idea in the world
Side Note: I also hate telephones. I hate talking on them, be it to friends or to strangers. Makes ordering pizza difficult, let me tell you.
Try to be confident in what you're doing. You've got a while to practice and get used to performing, but most importantly, just be yourself. And whatever you do, do NOT picture the audience in their underwear. You'll either puke or drool, neither of which is conducive to being on stage.
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
Trevor- It's not weird! It's actually not a bad idea. Usually I have something I concentrate on while I'm singing in front of people, such as a bracelet, hair band, anything to get my mind off the fact that I'm singing in front of people. However, obviously, I won't have anything in front of me when I'm singing, so pretending it's not me might be a good thing.....
posted
My trick was a thought about control. YOu are controling how and when people see you by getting up there and singing. You are in charge, not them. I don't know if this sounds intelligent, but there is a difference.
If you are walking down that hall and trip into a cream pie, then everyone will laugh and point at you, and you are not in control of it. However, if you see a cream pie in the hallway and fake a fall into it, people will still laugh and point at you, but you are the one that made them laugh and point, you are in control.
So getting on a stage with a bunch of people watching you is different than having strangers stare at you. You are controlling thier stares.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
IvyGirl, I have more phobias than anyone I know. I have made a life out of forcing myself to do things I'm scared of. It's the only way I've been able to get a shot, fly on a plane, drive over a bridge, get in an elevator, and sing in front of people. It has never been fun, but it's great to know that you are the kind of person that doesn't let fear stop your life. When you're scared and nervous, think of that. It's more important than being embarrassed onstage. : )
posted
Ivygirl, I did the same thing in high school. I forced myself to sing a capella in front of the whole student body for a talent show. I either won or tied for first, but just knowing I could do it was priceless. You go, girl.
Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Just so you know, some of the people you see in movies and TV, or performing on stange, are very shy, and get stage fright.
I don't like a lot of "new music", but I am sure you have heard of Usher....he gets stage fright so bad that he has a whole toutine in his trailer to ward off anxioity.
Barbra Strisand is painfully shy, and suffers from severe stage fright (too bad it doesn't affect her political views... ).
So hang in there, and I am sure you will do well.
Also, my wife was involved in Rainbow Girls, a group of young girls who pratice all sorts of public speacking, and she strongly recommends that....or something like it anyway. They do all sorts of fund raising events, and public speaking, but they also have summer camps and fun trips too. It is a great orginazation....but if it isn't for you, there are all sorts of groups that do the same things.
Rainbow Girls is affiliated with Masons and Eastern Star, so some people aren't into it, but that is OK. Even a Speech class, or some sort of public speaking club can help if you are into it.
posted
fiazko- That is so cool! I didn't know you did that! That's awesome. And although I won't be singing a capella, that still helps.
Kwea- I don't listen to Usher, but I'm amazed he would get stage fright! And Rainbow Girls sounds really cool, although I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to do something like that. I'll have to look into it though.
(((((((Everyone))))))), thank you all so much for your encouragement and help!
quote: Plus research seems to indicate that early treatment of depression, OCD, and social phobias may prevent a progession of symptoms and may actually be more healthy for the brain, especially in an adolescent, whose brain is more fragile than originally thought.
This sounds odd. Do you have linkage? The anecdotal experience of most folks I know on, say, SSRIs seems to involve needing higher doses or switching to more powerful meds to keep abreast of tolerance. However, I would easily believe that early CBT would be helpful. And I do think phobias run in families- at least the tendency to Anxiety disorder which I believe it is a subset of.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Although I don't think I'm as bad as some of the different symptoms described, I can be pretty bad. Like today I wasn't happy because I had to stand up during a pep assembly because I'm in girls tennis. But we used to have to go down to the floor, but we don't anymore. I very happy about that. So yeah, still a little phobia, but I hope to be mostly over it by the time May rolls around! Thank you everyone!
posted
Sorry to pull this thread back out again, but... Update:
My aunt, who was a voice teacher until she became a mother, has agreed to help me prepare me and help with singing the song. Maybe I can even talk Mom to recording it or something so you guys can hear it when I sing. I don't know how well it would record, but I don't know. Will report more later.
posted
No kidding. And the really funny thing is, as of right now, I'm singing along with my Relient K CD. Which if any of you have ever heard Relient K, you'll know that it can be hard for a girl to sing along!
posted
What kind of song do you think you'll choose? I think a mellow jazz classic would be cool.
And I'm sure you'll do absolutely fine.
My friend and I did this crazy yodeling act last spring, where we sewed costumes and I played guitar and she played accordion. We really weren't very good, but the crowd was a church crowd and they raved about us. Word got out and they wanted us to perform at an even bigger church event. So, we got dressed up and did the same stupid act, only this time my friend got so nervous she messed up every single chord on her accordion and we sounded atrocious. Being quite shameless, we made fun of ourselves and got over it. Just the other day, she was talking to a kid we hadn't known previously, but who was at the performance. He brought up how good she had played and told her that she should get together and play accordion with his brother sometime.
The point? People remember not how well you actually do, but that they saw you, and they appreciate it. I'm sure your act will be fabulous! Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Hmm...."The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"....tempting.
Actually, I'll be singing "Never Alone" by Barlowgirl. It's a kinda rock/pop contemporary Christian song. It's an awesome song, I love it. Although it's in a minor chord. And it's what Mom calls "haunting" because it stays with you forever. Which could be a good thing! That way I'll be able to torture people long after I sing!
posted
Ooh.. good choice. At a recent talent show, a girl sang "Into the West" from Return of the King. It was definitely haunting and stayed with me for days. Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
BTW, Ivygirl, you DO have access to a hatrackers #. Now this particular hatracker has never been accused of being shy but still understands and has experienced trepidation at the thought of public speaking/performing. You could call and sing for him. Whether or not you take advantage of this opportunity I'm quite sure he is highly enthusiastic and supportive of your effort to fight your demons. YOU GO GIRL !!!
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