posted
What about gorgeously pretty people that can hold the attention of everyone in the room just by walking through the door in jeans and a t-shirt? That's hardly fair - showing to people what they can't have.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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Yeah it is. Women have the power to trigger men's sex drive. The extent to which they tend to do this is based on something they have no control over: how they were born to look, and something they do have control over: their clothes, words, and actions. Women have used men's sex drive since day one to get what they want. It is nothing new. I think there is an extent to which it is appropriate, and I think there is a point where it crosses the line.
I have seen women here on Hatrack tease men by talking about things they know will make them think of sex. It is pretty similar to dressing scantily, and in my opinion, in poor taste. Again--MY opinion.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Then EVERYTHING'S about sex. Anne was trying to decide between the brown modest dress and the pretty blue modest dress. If you can't even choose a flattering color without getting condemned for wantonly trying to activate sex drives, then it's the problem on the part of the men that they haven't figured out how to get their thoughts under control.
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posted
I used to be mad at the nature of men's sex drive. I'm not anymore. Especially since I can't deny my own motives to be found sexy. I just expect them to deal with it as best they can.
But for all BtL's protestations that men have control over their sex drive (and they do) I do think that the statement "everything is about sex" is not that far off the mark.
I think women of the planet earth would receive a great education if they could live a week, a day, an hour, inside the brain of a man. Oh, and vica versa too.
I do think you are overreacting about the chosing a color=being wantonly judged though. I don't know where this is coming from. As I said, if a woman looks like DA BOMB in a burlap sack, that is not her fault and no one should be judging her.
That being said, Kat, I am sure you look like DA BOMB in a burlap sack. Unfortunately, I don't.
Kat, seriously, you are a total and complete babe. I wouldn't be surprised if people got upset at you wearing an outfit that they would have been fine with someone else wearing.
On that note, I hated the double standard in our house growing up. I was somewhat tall, and my sister wasn't. My Mom let her wear shorter skirts than me. Not just to adjust to her height, but because I looked sexier in a short skirt while she looked "cute". I didn't think that was fair that she could wear a skirt above her knees and I couldn't.
posted
You're very sweet, thank you. And I know that you're lovely.
I don't really know what I look like in a burlap sack, but what I look like is rarely the reason I get attention. I figure I'm pretty enough that if he likes me for the other reasons, what I look like won't be a deal breaker, but if he doesn't, my looks aren't going to persuade him to. I like that.
I have accepted that sexual tension is just part of life - and it isn't all on the part of men. The better looking=better treatment equation happens with both sexes.
I do have to wonder about everything being about sex, though. I have a couple of friends that I am not quite sure if they are aware that I'm a girl. They know OTHER PEOPLE are girls, but as far as I can tell, there is no indication that they know that I am.
quote: The better looking=better treatment equation happens with both sexes.
Yeah, I was just thinking about how it goes both ways. Not just with a guy's cuteness, but with what he wears. It doesn't work quite as well with the "skimpy" or quite in the same way, but if a guy wears a nice button-up in a flattering color that sets off his eyes... wow. More likely to get smiles from the girl he's talking to. Oh, and a good cologne can add just the right touch.... Mmmmmm.
And let's not even talk about a man in uniform....
Kat: I find it hard to believe that those friends you speak of are not very much aware of our femininity or sex appeal. But I do think that some men don't show it.
posted
...which connects to all sorts of "cool, he can protect me" buttons I think often float around in our brains.
I have this thing for loafers, jeans, and a gray t-shirt or navy blue polo shirt. I have no idea why, but I just love that. That's probably connected to sex in some way, but I have decided not to think about that.
posted
Kama: Whether or not I think there is something wrong with teasing is a highly subjective question. Especially since there are so many levels of teasing. For instance, I am not against flirting. And flirting almost always involves teasing. But there is some teasing that (for me) crosses the line. It is not something I would do, and I don't like others doing it. It's about as subjective as the people who dislike me talking about religion so much.
Trevor: OK. Interesting.
AJ: I know I missed the height of the age, but I have seen flashes of the former glory and can get an idea of what it was all about. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote: I don't think flirting necessarily involves teasing at all.
I think in my case it does
Heh, in fact, the only person I never teased, and actually never flirted with, was my boyfriend. No wonder it didn't last Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
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quote: On that note, I hated the double standard in our house growing up. I was somewhat tall, and my sister wasn't. My Mom let her wear shorter skirts than me. Not just to adjust to her height, but because I looked sexier in a short skirt while she looked "cute". I didn't think that was fair that she could wear a skirt above her knees and I couldn't.
Wow, connection. In high school my female youth minister took me aside one day and asked me politely not to wear the "short" skirts to church anymore because it was distracting the boys. I told her I'd be happy to wear something longer but I didn't have anything else, and no one was going to be buying me something. So, she took me to Twice as Nice and bought me some gently used "long" skirts and dresses (FYI, long=knee length. It was summer in Tucson, after all.) I wore the longest one to church the next Sunday, and she was upset. She said, "Why do you think we bought the new clothes for you? What you're wearing is not acceptable and I don't want you to come back in it."
Well, I wasn't nearly so polite back then and I said to her, "Lady, YOU bought this for me, remember? This is the longest thing we got. I cannot help it if I have long legs. Twelve inches between [name of a shorter girl in youth group]'s crotch and the end of her skirt is the same as twelve inches between my crotch and skirt. I can't help it if I have more leg leftover afterwards."
The youth minister must have talked to my aunt later because she ended up buying me a floor-length skirt. I really hated that double standard, as shorter girls were wearing little hoochie shorts and no one cared because their legs were not much to look at, them being barely teenagers and having knobby little knees. I could have worn jeans but I really hate wearing pants to church. But, I realized that the reason I don't like wearing pants is because I want to be dressed respectfully at church, and showing enough leg to make boys drool isn't very respectful, whether it was my intention or not. So I sweated the summer out in a floor-length black skirt that looked terrible on me because "floor-length" on me equates to shin-length and that's never in style.
I contemplated adding a link to me wearing the dress I'm talking about, but I don't think I want my pic available to look at while reading about the body parts I mentioned.
Edit: I think this is part of the reason I'm reluctant to talk to the girls in my church about their dress. Gentle reminders can quickly turn into heart-crushing, as it did for me.
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