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Author Topic: Poetry by Me!
Phanto
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[ November 03, 2004, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
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Sara Sasse
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Vigorous and lively. Good sense of movement.

Something about the cadence toward the end seems off (hollow? deflated?), but I don't know enough of the mechanics of poetry to accurately assess that. Tom D does.

I like it.

(autumn)
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Phanto
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Thanks ^^. This is perhaps the first poem I have ever written that is any good, so now I'm like all excited and motivated and thinking about maybe writing more ^^.
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Sara Sasse
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You really sparked my interest with this one.

I like the way lines 3 and 4 seem to pile up on each other. Illustrative.

Very good! [Smile] Now write more.
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Phanto
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Yes, Ma'am!

The question is can I? That poem flowed out of me like rain from a cloud, but am I now drained dry? We shall see [Wink] . ^^
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MEC
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What happened here?
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eslaine
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Is this the poetry version of Malevich's "White on White"?
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advice for robots
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Interesting. I sense a great silence in this peace, almost as if you have nothing whatsoever to say.

Silence itself is very rhetorical. Don't discount its effects.
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Phanto
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I had to edit it for a specific reason. I guess I can repost it if I know one thing -- can text posted in this forum be found by search engines and whatnot?
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aspectre
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yep
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Raia
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*wants to read it*

Where'd it go? [Frown]
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Sara Sasse
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Y'all missed a really good one.
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Phanto
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Alright, I'll just write another one to replace this one. May take a couple of days or weeks or months or years or lifetimes to come up with anything as good. Eh, make it two days. In two days I'll have a blistering work that will make ya'll cry. So you'll just have to wait until then.

Sorry [Frown] . You'll just have to wait! [Wink]

[ November 04, 2004, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
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MEC
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NO, I want something so great it takes two lifetimes!

[Evil Laugh]
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Vv009vV
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quote:
*wants to read it*

Where'd it go?
i hope you're kidding.
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Raia
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Um, I wasn't. I really did want to read it!
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