posted
Is it innapropriate to discuss your personal life with the head of your division?
The head of my division comes by once a week or so and tries to chat with the employees about something other than work. He's been here for five years, loves the Boy Scouts and instituted all the cookie day and birthday celebrations and warm and fuzzy things to make people happy. He's also LDS, and it's a source of no small distress to him that I'm not married. He just came by and asked me about my V-Day plans, and I told him in general and non-specific terms.
It definitely had a reporting-to-Dad kind of feel, which makes sense because he has a daughter of his own in her twenties. Still, weird - maybe because I DON'T report to my dad about my personal life when he asks.
Do y'all think that was weird at all?
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
It's a fine line. It's inappropriate if you think it is, basically, at which point you could probably shut him down with a polite but firm "I'm sorry, X, but I really prefer not to discuss my personal life at work." If you want it to be gentler you could tack a "I know you have the best intentions, but" on at the beginning.
If it doesn't really bother you but just feels a little weird, I'd say go with it. He obviously wants to show he cares, and no harm no foul. (That is if it doesn't bother you. Totally how you feel about it.)
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
It's good that he cares, but what's it to him if you are not married? Perhaps that does cross the line a bit... I guess in the workplace people are suppose to leave the personal at home or something....
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Sounds fairly guileless to me, just knowing lots of men who fit that description. It doesn't sound like he means any harm by it. Maybe he does have a daughter in the same situation and he's practicing on you. If it makes you uncomfortable at all, though, definitely tell him. He'll respect that.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I think "Let me know how it turns out" falls into that category. I'm also sure he means no harm, but it's still inappropriate.
Posts: 6213 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Or you could call him at home at 2 am Sunday morning. "Hi! Um... is there anything in the petty cash I could use for, you know... bail? What? No, no reason..."
[ February 11, 2005, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
You I find the idea of "no personal info at work" particularly bizarre. Sure, there are people that I tell less to than others, but the culture of my work is that socialisation is almost mandatory. My boss and my admin manager keep an eye out for my girlfriend when I'm away on work travel, the three of us have become the confidante of a gay guy, etc etc...
My work and my personal life are almost inextricably blurred.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
I guess I find the idea that work and personal life should always be separate is over emphasized. Why should it be crossing the boundary to express concern or interest in someone you interact with on a daily basis?
I would say that the position of the boundary is up to you. IF his interest is threatening or irritating just let him know that. You can do that without being rude by just letting personal comments die a silent death. If he continues to intrude, then I would make a more forceful declaration.
posted
Side note about V-Day: That letter I sent you was supposed to arrive on V-Day but then I got nervous and sent it early. So you can say that counts as an (albeit werid) card.
posted
Maybe you should just tell him that as much as you don't mind him being a surrogate father (use those words, it will probably make him feel good), you feel it may impinge on your professional relationship, and ask if he can try to scale it back a bit. Even if it's not at that point yet, it sounds as if it will be soon. I'm sure he won't mind and will appreciate your honesty.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
When people ask me questions I consider too personal, but I don't want to confront them about it, I find that is an excellent time to use humour. Example:
quote:Customer: Hey, how much you get paid? Me: Oh they don't pay me here. Every two weeks they send me a half-eaten bag of airline peanuts and a stick of deodorant.
If a question bothers you, dodge it. When my mother used to ask my older brother "what are you doing this evening?" he would reply, "Oh, you know. Find some booze. Get laid. The usual." While my brother isn't the sort to do either of the things mentioned above, the answer had the simultaneous effect of interjecting a bit of humour into the conversation and delivering a subtle but unmistakable "none of your business." I know that isn't "addressing the issue" but if he doesn't take the hint, you can move to the solutions that are more direct, and more likely to cause embarassment.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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