posted
I was at the store with my wife picking up something to fill our need for junk after eating at a local Crab Shack and passing on the five-dollar-a-piece chocolate cake. The baby was happy and we had a surprisingly hard time choosing which cake to buy. It was a very good night after a very rough day (14 hours) at work. We walked out to the parking lot with our moist chocolate cake with chocolate chips, covered in chocolate frosting (we bought a can of cream cheese frosting just because it’s the best thing ever dreamt of). People were smiling at Tanner as usual and he would always smile back. He’s doing really well with not letting that whole “Cutest Baby in the World” title get to his head.
I buckled him into his car seat while he watched and insisted on putting his finger between the buckles. Sooner or later he’s going to figure out how to undo the car seat, he’s really intent on figuring the thing out. I jumped in the driver seat and we started out of the parking lot. We got to the edge of the parking lot where it meets with the street, ready to make the right turn into traffic when I saw a man running up from behind us carrying what looked like a beer. He was seriously distraught or mad. My mind raced with what I might have done wrong. Did I leave Tanner? No, I remember people smiling at him through there car windows in the parking lot. Did I unknowingly hit someone/ something? I couldn’t have without noticing, the truck isn’t that big. I replayed the last few moments in the store and in the parking lot and couldn’t remember doing anything wrong. And yet, this man was running towards me and my family. My finger hit the door lock without me making a conscious effort when the man turned slightly and ran to a car parked on the edge of the lot where a woman leaned against her car. He took the beer and literally threw the contents on the woman and ran away! My first reaction was to cut him off and ask him what the hell he was doing. I turned the wheel full left and pulled into traffic without looking. Luckily the minivan coming at us saw the same incident and was prepared to avoid me in the case I reacted that way. He went around me in a way that let me continue on. I brought the car around the corner and cut him off by a dumpster while my wife stumbled for the phone to call the police. He turned away from me and walked briskly toward the woman again! I was terrified, what if I pushed him beyond his obvious reserve for hitting this woman! I pulled a quick U-turn and re-entered the parking lot a very obvious distance from the two of them while the 911 operator answered. The man walked up to the car and forced his way into the driver seat. Instead of hitting her or starting the car, he opened the door again and pushed the car with his foot into another parking spot. I sat in the parking lot with the operator explaining the situation when the two of them got out of the car and walked into the store. The woman was obviously embarrassed and waved for us to go away. But I didn’t, I stayed while the 911 operator got all the information he needed. Apparently there has been a string of attempted abductions in the same parking lot for a few months and the police had very few leads. The operator seemed very nice and very professional. But what got me was his genuine concern for the situation, he seemed connected. I was very happy to have a person like that to explain the situation to, instead of what you hear on the news when they rebroadcast 911 recordings.
I went home and replayed the situation over and over in my head and never could get to a good conclusion about how I felt I handled the situation. My most obvious mistake was my first reaction. In pulling out into traffic without looking I greatly jeopardized the safety of my entire family. If the man in the minivan wasn’t such a good judge of reaction he probably would have hit us. What could I have done better short of pulling the E-Brake and telling my wife to take the driver seat while I go beat the guy to a pulp. Keep in mind I’m in the military and it is against state, federal and military law for me to pass a situation where harm could come to another person, so cutting and running isn’t an option.
Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
With the exception of your traffic mistake it sounds like you handled the situation pretty well.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well, I think reflecting back and saying "I should have..." doesn't help any.
I think you did what you felt you had to do at the time, and it turned out okay. It worked out. Yes, other outcomes COULD have happpened, but don't beat yourself up with them.
posted
I think you did the best you could, considering all the circumstances. Of course, I'm still voting for beating the guy to mush, but that's just me. No need to second guess yourself. Oh, and I don't think I know anyone who would actually "cut and run" - If you are in a position to help and have the ability, there's no good reason not to step in. My husband and I have both done so on more than one occasion - simply for the reason that it is the right thing to do...
Posts: 262 | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Gryphonesse, ever here of Kitty Genovese? I'll bet that more people than you'd think would do nothing (and from the description of the situation, Scott was the only person on the scene to take any kind of action. You *know* other people saw the situation unfold).
Every time I see a situation where someone is in trouble I think of the Kitty Genovese murder, and it spurs me to act.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I guess what gets me the most is how much the whole thing effected me. I grew up in a family that was very quiet. I don’t mean that we kept secrets or didn’t express ourselves. We just weren’t loud. Whenever my parents would have a fight, they’d go off in another room, hash things out, and come out good again. It still drives me nuts when I go visit my wife’s family because they are the exact opposite. I don’t mean that her parents argue in front of everybody, they’re just louder than I’m used to.
I also believe in minding your own business and being polite but not too polite as to be taken advantage of. I can’t stand hearing other people’s conversations when they yell into their cell phones in public. Likewise, I can’t stand other people hearing what I’m saying on the phone whether in public or not. So when I saw this thing yesterday, it was so far to the extreme opposite of what I’m used to that it ate at me all night. It ruined my perfect evening and I never wanted to be involved! I wanted to go home and have cake with my wife and maybe sneak a piece to Tanner. I’ve made a promise to myself to never loose control to the point that I might ruin someone else’s day.
Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
You also have a wife and child - intervening physically until someone is in actual physical danger is reckless and irresponsible.
If he'd started attacking the woman, then physical intervention is necessary. Until he presented a clear and present danger, you did the right thing by calling 911 and keeping an eye on the situation.
Had he been armed, things could have been much worse and depending on the DA, you might find yourself in the fire instead of the frying pan.
quote:Oh, and I don't think I know anyone who would actually "cut and run" - If you are in a position to help and have the ability, there's no good reason not to step in.
Well, I would have cut and run. (this is a not an attack on Scott - I think you did marvelously)
If it were me and I were in my van with my children, I would not have done anything except pull away and call the police and tell them what I saw after I'm well away.
My first responsibility is to the safety of my own children, I'm not going to get involved in a situation that endangers them. What if the guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting into my van because he perceives me as a threat? I'm not taking that chance if my children are with me.
I'm not taking that chance even if I'm alone, because whether or not my children are with me I'm still their mother and my responsibility is to my husband and kids. I would call the authorities, who have training and experience in dealing with such things, but I would not get involved myself.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote: My first responsibility is to the safety of my own children, I'm not going to get involved in a situation that endangers them. What if the guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting into my van because he perceives me as a threat? I'm not taking that chance if my children are with me.
This is what eats at me. I should have been thinking of my own family first and foremost and I put them directly in the line of danger whether willingly or not. I'm not trying to be impossible, the whole thing just sucks. I wonder what happened to the poor lady.
Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
scott, don't second-guess yourself, things turned out okay.
And if I were in the situation, who knows what I really would have done? It's easy for me, sitting behind this keyboard to say I woulnd't have gotten involved, but in the heat of the moment I might have done exactly what you did.
I did once have a somewhat similar situation in which I saw a man being verbally abusive and threatening to hit a woman in a parking lot. I questioned myself, but barely hesitated. I had my twins with me, who were one, and so I got them safely in the car and drove away as fast as possible.
Am I proud to admit that? Not really. I feel like I should have stepped in, tried to protect her, tried to do something. But when I consider it, I remember that my first obligation should right have been get my children away from potential harm. I called my husband and asked him what to do, and he called a friend of his on that local police force who drove by but the couple was gone.
There have been times when it flashes through my mind and I see that look on her face of fear, and I wonder what happened to her. I studied news reports afterwards to determine whether or not she had been murdered, but never found mention of anything fitting her description. Sometimes I still worry about it - should I have offered her sanctuary? Told her she could get in my car and I'd drive her to the police station?
But if I had, what if the man had erupted into violence, and pulled out a gun or something?
There's no way to resolve these "What ifs?" We do the best we can in the situation we are in at the time.
quote: But if I had, what if the man had erupted into violence, and pulled out a gun or something?
That is absolutely true, and that went thru my mind. I had no idea what this man was capable of or what he had as a means of accomplishing that.
Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
