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The old man lived in the hut at the end of the road. He had been there for many years. His wife had long ago died, his children grown and left. He was alone with the cow.
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It's never that simple, is it? Oh, no, for Fate had far more in store for him, and especially for the cow.
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But never fear, dear readers, because there are more cows coming. For in this land, cows roam freely, grazing where they may.
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They seek him here, They seek him there. Those cowhands seek him everywhere. Is he chewing grass? Or is he seeking garbage? That demned elusive Brown Holstein.
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The spider shrugged off its saddle and began to spin a web, hoping to catch the next cow to come wandering down the road.
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Alas, he spun his web in a sheep pasture and all he caught were sheep. He hated eating sheep. Eating sheep was like sucking your dinner through a cotton ball.
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The spider could see the sheep were suffering, bound by his webs, but being an evil spider, he saw no point in releasing them. Instead, he pushed them over a cliff.
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But as the web-bound sheep fell, they caught on the branch of a large tree growing on an outcropping on the side of the cliff, much to the surprise of a young man walking along the road at the bottom of the cliff, who alerted by much overhead bleating was much surprised to look up and see what was essentially a sack of sheep hanging from a tree limb on the side of the cliff.
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The young man, who lived in a remote village, believed the sheep were magic. He cut them down from the tree and herded them to his home.
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Arriving at home, the young man called out "Grandmother! Grandmother! Come see what I have brought!"
Upon seeing the sheep the grandmother exclaimed, "You stupid, STUPID boy! I send you out to buy magic beans and what do you bring back? SHEEP!"
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The young man shook his head. "No, I got the beans, too. These sheep were free." And he handed her the small bag of beans, along with the change.
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His grandmother grabbed the bag of beans from his filty hands. She quickly opened the bag, shrugged, and said, "Ah, but I'm starving, so we'll have to eat them instead. Into the stew they go!"
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"Wait!" the young man cried. "The sheep are magic too. Let's feed the magic beans to the magic sheep and see what happens."
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More was at motion than the Grandmother and the young man knew. For, as you see, magic beans and magic sheep are each a rare entity. The combination of the both would result in something truly spectacular.
But the choice now lay before the Grandmother. Would she listen to the young man and let the sheep consume her magic beans? Or, in her hungry state, would her stomach be the final resting place for the sheep?
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Or would she add some Rogan Josh to the mix to flavor her stew? Piquant, with a tad of lime. Grandmaw's mouth was watering already at the thought.
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Unforunately, she hadn't any rice left, and what is Rogan Josh without a good rice ? So she let the sheep eat the magic beans.
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But we all know that sheep is really good as a Rogan Josh, so she was merely intent on fattening up her sheep before it became stew.
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Because grandma had pappadums and naan and parotha in her freezer, and that would go with Rogan Josh even better than rice.
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Rogan' Josh came home a few minutes later and carelessly tossed his mud-caked boots into the corner.
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Grandma poked her head in her freezer, which was a magic freezer, and asked for cheese naan. She took out the package and began to heat up the stove.
Meanwhile, she instructed her grandson to kill the sheep, the one that had been fed the magic beans. Then she took her Rogan Josh and added it to the pot already simmering over the fire.
Edit to add: Dangit, Tom, I was typing when you posted that. I don't wanna change what I wrote! I don't! Don't wanna! You can't make me! I don't do it!!!!!
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I don't know about the sheep, but if I have to be eaten, with cheese naan is the best way I can be.
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Her grandson took his knife and sharpened it on the nearest rock. Having never been taught how to properly sharpen a knife, he succeeded in gouging the blade, making it duller than before. He stood over the sheep and brought the blade up to the neck of the sheep.
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Rogan' Josh noticed Grandma with a bottle of Rogan Josh. He had feared this day for many moons. He was going to be replaced by a condiment.
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Meanwhile, the sheep that the grandson was about to slaughter said, "Wow, that is one dull knife. I don't think that's even going to get through my wool, let alone cut through the arteries in my neck and drain the blood out of me effectively. I've watched the shepherd sharpen knives hundreds of times. Mind if I give you some pointers? Hey, I don't have to say Baaaa-a-a-a anymore. That's weird."
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Then he looked at Rogan Josh and said, "Wow! All these years, I thought it was Rogan Gosh! Huh, learn something new every day! Someone had better tell Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni."
Because he was distracted, he failed to notice the giant anvil falling from the sky.
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But the giant anvil wasn't falling. Barely visible from the ground, except for those with exceptional sight, there was a tiny butterfly carrying the anvil with its little legs. Rogan Josh looked up, just as the butterfly muttered something about china and hurricanes and let the anvil go right over the sheep's poor little head.
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It just so happened that the magical sheep looked up at the very instant the anvil was dropped. Some may attribute this to pure luck, but then not many people have had magical beans before.
The sheep estimated the altitude of the anvil, and factoring the rotation of earth calculated that by the time the anvil reached the surface, it would not be landing on him - it was to fall on Rogan Josh!
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Rogan Josh looked up, bewildered -- and the anvil came crashing down through the roof, ripping the bottle out of Granny's astonished hands and smashing it into a million pieces.
For a moment, silence.
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Then the spider: "Hey, guys, has anyone seen a bag of sheep? I'm pretty sure I left it hanging around here somewhere. Hey! Smells like Rogan Josh. You guys celebrating something?"
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