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The young man ripped the duct tape off, ripping off a strip of hair with it. And much skin. Now, with blood dripping down, he muttered, "What the..." He sat down and sobbed.
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Realizing that a fellow creature was injured, the talking sheep and spider decided to team up to help the young man. The sheep removed a small piece of wool from his fluffy exterior while the spider wove a small rectangle of web. Combining the two, they constructed a home-made bandaid which they then gave to the boy to put on his wound.
However, this was no ordinary piece of wool-and-web, as both had originated from magical talking creatures. Putting on the bandaid, the young man suddenly felt an energy rising within him unlike any he had experienced before.
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Before he realized what was happening, he'd grabbed his shovel from behind the house and started digging a hole in the ground for a new privy, just like his grandmother had been nagging him to do for months. Pretty soon, he was covered in sweat and dirt.
In other words, he was filthy. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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It was getting dark, and the filthy boy went to wash up, forgetting to cover the newly dug latrine hole.
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Right about then, a raven flew overhead, crying, "Save me!" For, of course, it was not really a raven, but the dutiful daughter of a humble miller who had been enchanted by an evil sorcerer.
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"That's IT! All I wanted was a few magic beans, and now we have raving ravens, a neat-freak sheep, and spiders who know first aid! There's wizardry afoot here..." granny muttered darkly.
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Granny, noticing the granny bobbleheads for the first time, yelled, "Get away from me, ye evil incarnate objects! Get away from me!" Her eyes glowed a dull red.
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Not the red of a ruby, you know, nor of blood, not even scarlet or carnelian. It was just kind of a dull... red.
"Granny's a Goa'ould!" cried the shocked Stargate fan in the audience.
Granny quickly silenced him with a blast from the hand-weapon-thingy she wore (which her grandson thought was just a ring, obviously). She glared at the other spectators. "And don't any of the rest of you mention that. Goa'ould don't exist in this fantasy world. I'm just doing a cross-over to make extra money."
Richard Dean Anderson ran into the scene, waved, and ran off into the distance. The fans fainted in amazement and pleasure and weren't heard from for the rest of the story.
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From the side lines, voices were heard chattering. Amanda Tapping, who usually plays the role of Samantha Carter in Stargate SG-1, whispered to Michael Shanks, "But Goa-ould's eyes glow a bright white. Is this a mutant form? Or a cousin? Or... Something altogether different?"
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Michael Shanks says to Kurt, "No, no, I don't think so. I watched the show not long ago, and they were definitely white. The acting by that character who played Ra was way over the top, but the eyes definitely glowed white."
Kurt looked back at Michael, scowled, and said, "You wanna make something of this? I mean, my son was named Tyler. Then you guys screw up and call him Charlie. Do you really want to make an issue of this?"
Amanda and Michael look at each other, and say, in unison, "We can take him." They draw their zats and fire.
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Granny waved her bejewelled hands at the critic, sending him flying againtst the stone wall of her home with great force, and knocking him unconscious in the process. "Damned critics. Should just shut up and leave me alone." She sniffed, and walked into the shed. "Ah, the stew is almost ready," she said, and took a taste. "Hmm. A little more salt and a tidge of cumin and a squeeze of lime ought to do the trick. Oh, and some coriander. Definitely have to have coriander." She wandered out to her kitchen garden, grabbed a few sprigs of the herb, and returned to her kitchen to chop them up, then tossed them into the stew with the other ingredients.
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The enterprising coyote discovers a discarded anvil by the side of a small cottage. A lightbulb appears over the coyote's head, replaced by a cloud-shaped vision of a Rube Goldberg contraption, employing an anvil. The coyote tiptoes away, carrying the anvil between his knees.
WHOOSH!
A pair of white orbs blinks in the darkness at the bottom of an uncovered latrine hole.
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How is it that I am always being dragged into these impossible situations? It reminds me of the time that my good friend Pancho Villa sent me to kidnap the Sevilla family...he said I should go around to the back door...
*smells sheeps*
Mmmmm...the sheep, it will go nicely with a bit of cilantro.
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Yet unbeknownst to Granny, this was no ordinary cilantro. No, this cilantro was deeply evil. It had been created by the same dark forces behind artificial sweeteners. This was the herb that bites back.
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Unbeknownst to the herb, this was no ordinary granny.
The old Rastafarian puts on a Bob Marley record, and the house is soon filled with the pungent odor of kali weed.
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La Chupacabra found a spoon, and took a taste of the Rogan Josh stew. He spit it out on the floor, and muttered, "Damn these humans. They never put enough salt in." He rummaged through the cupboards, found the salt bin, and added a cup of salt to the stew. He stirred it around, took another taste, and nodded. "Much better." Then he heard a creak of the floorboards behind him, was hit on the head, and collapsed to the floor in unconsciousness.
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*pulls a wee spiderling out of his wallet, drops it on the table **ker-plunk** and coaxes it to run out of sight*
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"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms. First one was slimy, Second one was grimy, Third and fourth RETURNED!"
The sound of fake retching fades off into the night.
Cristopher Judge wanders over to Amanda Tapping and Michael Shanks and asks, "Hey! How come no one invited me? And where's Rick? Too big-time to hang out?"
Amanda Tapping says, "He was here! He just didn't have time to hang around waiting for you. We left a voicemail! Don't you ever check that thing?"
Christopher Judge looks vague. "Where is my cell phone, anyway?"
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Upon conclusion of the retching scene Granny, got on the Interweb and bought a one-way plane ticket to Miami. "I'm getting out of this dump once and for all," she said, "I'm not taking any more of this wacky magic."
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Meanwhile, a dilapidated bus lurches through the night, rip-roaring across the pre-dawn desert scenery...
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"What, again?" asked Michael Shanks. "Is this the season ender already? We're always saving the world in some big, I don't know, over the top episode at the end of the season."
Amanda Tapping interrupted. "You're right. The first year, there was your alternate universe thing where the Goa'ould ships were on their way."
"Yeah. And there were the replicators, uh, how many times?"
"Replicators. Yup. And there were, oh, who cares! Let's kill those suckers!"
Amanda Tapping grabbed a zat and started shooting at everyone - characters, boom guys, cameramen. She made no distinction but shot them all.
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Straight into the arms of an actual Goa'ould. You know the kind - the ones with the glowing white eyes. Fortunately, Michael had a zat in his hands, and he shot the Goa'ould with it. Unfortunately, the Goa'ould had his hand on Michael Shanks.
Which meant that Michael Shanks was struck down by his own zat.
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The hurricaine over, Granny emerged from the guava-smelling hut where she had sheltered and returned home.
Unfortunately for her, the SG-1 fans had taken over, and decided to have a convention and serve Rogan Josh for refreshements.
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