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Okay, okay, I won't keep you in suspense. Today we're doing puns about horror movie/story cliches. So, come into the light and make light of the things that scare us the most. You haven't a ghost of a chance of making it through this smackdown alive. It's a grave responsibility. Hope it's not tomb much for you.
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I'd like to point out that the first known zombie story was written in latin and discovered in a deep crevass by archaeologists, but to do that I'd need a Gorge Rome Arrow.
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Come on Bob, that's the kind of pun we heard when we were all children of the corny. We'll take that last attempt as Signs that you're tired at this time of M.Knight. It's just not the high-quality punmanship that we's cravin'.
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Don't worry Steve: It may not have been the greatest, but only puns about vampires suck.
It reminds me of my old friend Shelley. She was dating a guy named Bram who had a problem with onanism. But that all ended when Bram the stroker decided to marry Shelley. Not sure what that has to do with horror? Those two wrote the book on it!
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I think you're being crypt...ick...what is that?
I decided I'd better come in here and revivify this thread. It's alive with bad puns.
Poe, poe me. I've paid the Price. I've been sitting in the Lee side of this thread ever since. It's for the birds, if you ask me. I just refuse to go Jason after new puns anymore.
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I've been trying to fire off some puns but I seem unable to Lon Chaney with merit. I thought about calling my friends Pete or Lorie, bug I don't want to wake them this early. I did call them once when it was too early and they both complained, "Don't Bore us, Call off"
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How come you finally had time to do a Pun Smackdown, Bob? Did you win The Lottery or something? Or were you just really stoned?
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Oh, man! I am so stuffed. The Landlady just made me a huge breakfast with a lovely almond tea.
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I have to admit that some of my puns are looking a bit ratty. Willard I be able to do better? It's just that Bob and Punwit are taking us to school here. Not to dance around the subject, but they usually Carrie most of the weight in pun threads. The whole situation has me crying to my beer mug, and frankly, stein, I'm not going to take it anymore!
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Well, Enigmatic, I am going to munster up some courage to say that there are others who are spot on in the pun thread as well. Do you think you are so lilly white as to be able to claim who puts in more puns? Every stream has its slow flow, and sure, there are always eddies, but we all row marilyn down the stream.
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We're wolfing down the puns now. Drag you laughing all the way, I hope. I don't know about you all, but I've learned everything I know about horror movies from late night TV. Used to stay up all night watching them on the family's old black & white unit. You can't even get B&W TVs anymore, and even that company has gone out of business. I find myself in a Trans-Sylvania phase of my horror watching.
Dark Shadows are looming.
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I certainly didn't mean to belittle anyone else's contribution by praising Punwit and Bob; it was just to make the gag work. So if I've offended I'd best run and Hyde.
Maybe I just ran out of classy humor. I hear the British have good puns. Are you prepared for a bit of larceny? If reddy, let's Rob Englund of their puns. It'd be their worst nightmare.
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Remember watching scary movies as a kid? You'd have the lights off and be petrified. When the movie was over you had to make sure that one light was always on. This entailed turning on the hall light before turning off the one in the t.v. room and then turning on the bathroom light before turning off the hall light and so forth. The worst thing was if one lamp didn't work. Nothing is so scary as the Silence of the Lamps.
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Back in the days when Ben Franklin was inventing things, he noticed that his friend, Sam Adams, always had a drippy nose. When he invented the first soft paper to blow one's nose, he always asked: "More Tissue, Adams?" and Adams would Lurch towards the Thing.
"Wow, Ben! I really need to share this idea of yours! I am going to show my Cousin It!"
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Bob's such a Punhead, every time this thread sinks too far on the page he'll raise 'er back up.
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While doing a search for scary "Eve's" I happened across a site that I just had to link here. I know this doesn't strictly adhere to the topic but I submit that it qualifies as horrific. Be warned, this Eve is R rated.
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I like that historical one. Ben Franklin is a favorite of mine. I have one of the automatic beer mugs he designed. It was the hit of the our country. Did you know that Franklin wanted to rename the country The Monarch-free, Oligarch-free Nation? Not the U.S.A. but the M.O.N. He was really pushing that in France during his term as ambassador there.
I have one of the French newspaper accounts of the Paris Inventors Convention. It starts off with "Franklin's Stein M.O.N. Star"
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When Stephen Drake was practicing for his last musical, he could not seem to remember even the simplest lines. He only had one, and the words were "La la la." The director hired someone to help him out. They gave him the Drake cue "la."
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Now, I know you love crafting graphically violent murals by splattering soup on the walls, but could you finish already? Ma is still here, but Da gone to the grocery store cuz we went from beyond hungry to nearly starving while you wasted the soup. What do I think of the painting? I give it a B, moving along: In case you'd like to do it again, I took pictures of the last time so we can just put together a flipbook to re-animate it instead, ok? Are you finished? Is your stew art gore done?
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My wife got really mad at me. I was trying to hire a secretary, and one cutey was trying to seduce me. My wife caught her and got so mad she still hasn't forgiven me. I will never forget what I've come to call her "Interview with a Vamp, Ire."
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It was so sad when Jerry Garcia died. I cried hard. The band is still playing togteher, and we went to see them. It was OK, but not great, to spend a night with the living Dead.
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When a mob boss kills off all his underling, what is really the point? All he is then is the Don of the dead.
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Do you know what's worse than a blade-nailed madman from your dreams chasing you around in you pajamas? A blade-nailed madman from your dreams chasing you around while he's wearing a lingere'. Yes, its horrible, the "Night Wear on Elm Street" starring Teddy Kruger.
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I think you were getting a little cyclical there. But it wasn't such a horrorble pun, really. I'm kind of back and forth on it, really.
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I was playing tennis the other day. Boy, I forget how rude some people can be. This guy had broken his Head racket from pounding it on the tennis court, and was screaming so much he could hardly make a sound. But I didn't feel bad at all for that Headless hoarse man.
[ May 17, 2005, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
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Would you folks have anything againSt even keenly written puns? Cujo Stand to let me have a try? Maybe I could Carrie a couple of Shining examples. Don't Misery'd my attempts as being like the Regulators. I know you are probably getting tired and I can just see your Languor leers, just like from a Creased teen. I have tried to be an Apt Pupil and don't mean to be a Pest. Me tarry, that's It.
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I know that part of this pun was previously posted but I think I have a new spin.
Trashy women with bad tempers are repelled by fishy breath. Thats right, you can frustrate those conniving wenches by licking a fish from the family Lepisosteidae. You learned it here, Gar lick repels vamp ire.
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