posted
I just found out that the Chamber Singers' (the choir that I'm in, 23 people) first concert is on October 13th. Which happens to be Yom Kippur.
I am really upset by this. I know there are very few Jews on campus, but that doesn't mean that they matter any less, or that they take this any less seriously. Yom Kippur is arguably THE most important day in the Jewish religion. I'm not even religious, but I take this day very seriously. I ALWAYS fast, and, at least for Yom Kippur, am a fully practicing Jew.
Now I don't know what I'll do. I'm the only Jew in the choir, so I don't even have any support in this matter from other choir members. This is in a little over two weeks, so my choir director will totally freak out if I talk to him about this now... especially as he's a dear sweet man who had nothing to do with the date that was set, and will conscience issues for the rest of the semester. But also because it's so soon!
On top of that, being such a small choir means that if I'm missing from that concert, it totally throws the balance and stuff off... we do a lot of a cappella music, and it's really obvious when someone's not there, or when someone's about to pass out from not having eaten all day.
I don't really want to give up on the fasting and the religious side of that day, because it's really important to me... but I don't really see another alternative, and that really makes me mad.
posted
It's their bad. Seriously. Are you sure that no one else would support you, simply because you are 'the only Jew'?
I mean, some people actually DO respect people of faith, even when they do not share it. I think you are going to have to talk to him, but if he's as nice as you say, he should be very understanding.
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posted
You have every right to ask them to change this. You definitely need to talk to your director, I think he would agree that it's an important issue.
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posted
You don't know until you talk with him whether there are any other options. At this point, the only thing I can suggest is talking to your choir director. And depending on how that goes, you might be able to discuss it with the people that do the scheduling. That way, even if the date isn't changed and even if you're still forced to make this difficult decision, perhaps the next Jew to join the choir won't need to. You may not help yourself, but if the scheduling people are made aware of the situation, they will hopefully take Jewish, and other religions, holidays into account in the future.
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posted
I'm e-mailing him about it right now. The problem is, it's so soon... it's in a little over two weeks. It's already printed up in all sorts of places, and it was partly my fault for not noticing this sooner...
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posted
Been there myself, honey. You got to go to your choir director as soon as possible and confess that you hadn't realized that there was a conflict, but that you can absolutely not participate on Yom Kippur.
And in the future, be sure that you make note of the dates of the High Holidays in advance, so that it is not a last minute thing.
I wasn't raised religious. I kind of got religion while I was in college. So my level of observance kept changing. When all I needed to be excused for was the High Holidays, everyone was accommodating and understanding. When I needed more and more holidays off (and there can be a bunch of them in the Autumn), I found that the most understanding of my professors where the non-Jews. I suspect that they were afraid of being anti-Semitic. Jewish professors who were non-observant gave me the hardest time. I suspect that they found my burgeoning observance to be an implicit criticism of their non-observant ways.
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posted
I would still talk to him just so he is aware of the conflict.
I think it should be up to you what you do for the concert. True you maybe should have said something earlier, but it is an important religious day so it is a bit different.
Is there a way that you could rest all day so maybe you would have the energy to sing? Or would singing in the concert conflict in other ways too?
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posted
Raia - go talk to the Office of Spiritual Life as soon as possible. I don't know if it's possible to move the concert, but it's a small campus, and things really can happen - but only if you make it understood exactly how important it is. Spiritual Life will help with this.
Also, talk to your choirmates and the director - while DePauw is really white bread, people are pretty understanding, especially when you have a good reason.
Yeah....go talk to Brad in Spiritual Life tomorrow.
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posted
I can rest all day... but I won't have eaten anything. I could break my fast a little early, and eat right before my concert, but that doesn't alter the fact that I'll have been fasting all day, and will be really weak. I've been known to almost pass out on stage from not having enough water .
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quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: When I needed more and more holidays off (and there can be a bunch of them in the Autumn), I found that the most understanding of my professors where the non-Jews. I suspect that they were afraid of being anti-Semitic. Jewish professors who were non-observant gave me the hardest time. I suspect that they found my burgeoning observance to be an implicit criticism of their non-observant ways.
That hasn't changed unfortunately. And this year (my 4th) is the worst since I've been in college. Every holiday is during the week...
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posted
Jhai - Ok, that's a good idea. Brad is a really nice guy, and maybe he has some influence. I think I'll do that tomorrow.
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quote:Originally posted by Raia: I can rest all day... but I won't have eaten anything. I could break my fast a little early, and eat right before my concert, but that doesn't alter the fact that I'll have been fasting all day, and will be really weak. I've been known to almost pass out on stage from not having enough water .
The worst idea is to attempt singing on stage after fasting all day. This seriously endangers your health (much more than fasting which is already unhealthy). Neither the choir nor Yom Kippur is important enough that you should pass out in order to take part. I cannot think of any Rabbi that would say otherwise. Please take care of yourself above all else.
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posted
Yeah, my mom told me that story when I cried to her over the phone about an hour ago. Thanks, though.
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posted
Awww! (((hugs))) Raia, you have every right to be accomodated in this. Be nice about it, but make it clear that it is an important religious issue, and they will probably bend over backward to accomodate you in any way possible.
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posted
You could consider some modified rules for yourself, water only, or fluids only, or fluids allowed once every four hours, or something. You aren't supposed to make yourself sick, right?
Also if you are going to talk to people tomorrow it would be good to have your plans in place as far as what you would be willing to compromise, or if you simply can't sing that night. Same goes for other holidays. If you can, you need to decide what other holidays you plan to keep this year so you can tell them which days are bad. I would think they would be more accomodating if they see you are being consistent and thoughtful about it.
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posted
Theca: I believe the only conditions that void fasting on Yom Kippur is if you have serious known health issues that would preclude you. I don't know if this is widely accepted or not, however. My wife, for instance, has broken fast early on Yom Kippur due to the fact that she had Crohn's Disease, which is a fairly serious digestive disorder. Even then, she'll make a token effort at fasting.
posted
Well, if Raia is only being religious one day a year, I figured she could tweak the rules a tiny bit more.
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posted
Sometimes when I fast I'm actually energized and feel much better than usual. Of course, other times I get a sick headache. And there's no way for me to know in advance. So that's not helpful in any way, I know.
I do know this. Saying "I'll make an execption this time but please be more careful in the future" doesn't work. The only way they will ever remember is if they have to accomodate you, either by changing the date or by you not singing. Also think not just of your own case but of the precedent this will set. If you do make a stand, you are making it not just for yourself but also for every Jewish choir member in the future. When you think of it that way, it may change the balance of your decision.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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posted
Raia -- I don't want to sound insensitive -- but surely this kind of situation has come up before, as a practicing Jew?
I mean -- I only ask this because I had similar problems when I was growing up due to the church I was in (which, for one thing, observed a strict Sabbath from sunset Friday to sunset Satuday) and other special days.
I had constant "conflicts" with all public school events being on nights I could not attend or perform or participate. I simply did not participate, and they couldn't count me down on it (on my grade) because it was due to religious beliefs. I never attended a Friday night high school football game (or got to march with the band on those nights) and was stripped of my part in the school musical when they found out I could not perform on the Friday night performance -- only the THursday and Saturday ones.
But I just understood there were some things I would have to give up, if I wanted to hold to my beliefs.
Have you never had a school event collide with one of your Jewish holidays before?
posted
Raia, this will not only affect you. You are speaking for every Jewish person who follows you into that choir and the audience members who might otherwise attend your performance but will not because of the holiday. If they can't change it this year, they will surely remember to take this into account next year. There are plenty of Christians who don't particpate in events on Sundays (and events on Sundays is increasing) and people accomodate them; there is no reason why you should be penalyzed.
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posted
This is something to be upset about, but probably not something to be really really upset about. Unless they try to force you to choice between religion and singing, which I seriously doubt they will, the worst that will happen is you can't sing that day. It will throw them off, but people must get sick from time to time and miss concerts at the last minute, no? Stuff like this happens - which is why "the show must go on" is such a popular expression.
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posted
That's different, though... I was doing a show last year, and my cousin died the day of the second performance. And I still did my thing on stage. That's different, because it's not something we could possibly have predicted in advance. It was a tragic, tragic event, but it was completely unexpected. This is a calendar event that should have been taken into consideration in the first place.
I e-mailed the teacher, and he just saw me and said "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry... we need to talk about this," but we haven't gotten a chance to do so yet. I have a lesson now, hopefully we can talk about this later today. I'll keep you guys posted.
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posted
If there are very few Jews on campus, and there are only 23 people in this choir, why would anyone have thought to take it into consideration?
I mean... you probably have performances during the month of Ramadan too. Should that month be off limits just in case someone in your group is a practicing Muslim?
You've given him only two weeks notice. Lets see how well he deals with the problem now.
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posted
I don't think the school was doing wnything wrong, it was a mistake on boht parts...Raia's for not mentioning it, and the schools for not asking first or considering it.
I hope it works out, Raia.
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posted
You *just* found out about your first concert only 2 weeks before it happens? What kind of choir is this?
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posted
You're far more likely to have non-Jews support you in this than Jews. Honestly. When I was in college, non-Jewish professors went out of their way to reschedule tests and quizzes for those of us who couldn't take them on the regular day. The Jewish professors uniformly told us to like it or lump it.
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I will bring this up with the Dean. Obviously it's a very difficult issue and I'm not quite sure how to resolve it. Is it a matter of fasting during daylight hours? Would it be possible to eat at dawn, and again at 7pm? Forgive me for sounding crass. I just dont want to oblige you to break your fast, but at the same time, I cant do without you in the concert!!
Gabriel
(E-mail from choir director to me, earlier today.)
Now I'm even less sure of what to do than I was before.
I guess I have to just disregard Yom Kippur and treat it like any other day. Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Just because he "can't do without you" doesn't mean you "can do" without fasting.
I'm sorry you're in a position like this. It sounds to me like the choir director is sympathetic to your plight, but also really wants you there and may be unable to move the concert (especially if it's only 2 weeks out). It's never fun to have to choose between two things that are important to us. This may be one of those times where you have to decide which thing is more important to you - singing in the concert or fasting for Yom Kippur. Do what is most important to you, all other concerns (like pressure from your director) aside.
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quote: Forgive me for sounding crass. I just dont want to oblige you to break your fast, but at the same time, I cant do without you in the concert!!
Well, he is speaking in hyperbole, obviously. If you were to die or take deathly ill at the last minute, then I doubt they would cancel the show. He would find a way to go on.
It seems to me that the undercurrent of what he is saying that you are an important member of the team, and he is frustrated at having this commotion at the last minute (so to speak). Not that you are Jewish and observant, but that you did not keep track of your commitments in a responsible way.
We all slip up on this, of course. But when, as adults, we fail to live up to our obligations, we have to take the consequences and live with them. (I've done this plenty of times, myself, believe me.)
It seems to me you have multiple options:
1. Choose to be non-observant this Yom Kippur 2. Choose to be not-fully-observant this Yom Kippur, and treat it at least somehow differently than a regular day
(both of the above mean you have chosen to forgo your religious obligations, which -- I take it -- are obligations to you, your community, and G-d)
3. Choose to be observant and not participate in the event (either attending as a spectator or not)
(this means you have chosen to forgo obligations to your choir director, your colleagues, and those attending the event, as well as youself as a performer)
4. Choose to be observant and still try to participate in the event
(which seems to me to be the course which fufills practically none of your obligations and is likeliest to cause the most catastrophic of outcomes for everyone involved, but it is still your choice -- even if I think it is a bad one)
That is, there is no "have to" about this. You are in a quandry of conflicting obligations, and you have to choose. Any choice you make at this point will have fallout, and it is up to you to decide what is the right answer for you. Of course, in the future, you will remember this and try to figure out some systems and strategies for keeping track of your obligations so that you can head off conflicts when they first arise. Perhaps, like me, you will buy a Treo or other electronic organizer.
Tough choices. Your choice to make, though, and your choices as to how to make up for it after if you can, regardless of who it is you end up slighting.
I'm sorry it is so rough. You definitely have my sympathy and empathy. I still mess up this way far more frequently than I should.
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posted
Oh, I guess I misunderstood you earlier. That makes perfect sense to me, and that's pretty much how I've layed it out in my head. My upset comes from not knowing what I should do now.
I realize that them not knowing is almost as much my fault as it is theirs, but that doesn't make me any happier about it. I do acknowledge that, though.
(edit: That was to CT, but I guess it applies to Kettricken as well.)
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote: Shani - I've been mulling this over all day, and have just spoken to Shie about it too. I am ashamed to say that I hadn't really grasped the full significance of the commitment you would normally make, and I am now thinking that my initial response was inappropriate.
The school of music should not have scheduled a concert for this day, and you should not feel obliged in any sense to perform. I will fully support you if you decide that you cannot participate, and even though your presence and contribution will be missed, we CAN manage without you.
I will also place a speculative query with the Dean about moving the concert, but I have to say that I am 99% certain it will not be allowed, since the calenders are already published.
I feel that we must have a face-to-face conversation about this, so please do come and see me before or after choir on Friday if at all possible.
posted
Raia, that last e-mail is really good news. It sounds like your choir director originally responded without thinking. This still puts you in a bit of difficulty because you must choose between commitment to G-d and commitment to your choir, but at least you know that the choir director is understanding.
I strongly recommend that your choose to skip this concert. The choir will be weaker but it will get by. If you choose to reduce your religious observance, you set a precident that you will come to regret.
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posted
You are so lucky to have such an awesome person directing your talent.
I was *really* hoping you weren't going to disregard your observance for the concert but I really didn't want you to miss out.
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