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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » I may need surgery again :( - I did, but I'm home now (Page 1)

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Author Topic: I may need surgery again :( - I did, but I'm home now
Belle
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After hearing of newfoundlogic's loss, I feel very bad even posting about my own experiences right now, but I wanted to keep you guys in the loop on what's going on with me.

I had a terrible time with this round of chemo, I've been very sick and the fatigue has been terrible, Wes said last night he tried to wake me and was on the verge of taking me to the hospital because I was not responding.

Well, yesterday I told the nurses how bad I felt and that my port didn't feel right, so they injected some saline and I had some burning from it. That precipitated a trip down to radiology in the hospital where they injected some dye and checked my port. Turns out it's occluded, and will most likely have to be replaced, which is another surgical procedure.

Don't know when it's going to happen, we're waiting for the surgeon to call us. At any rate, I'm very down and depressed because I feel so bad and it just seems like nothing is going right. I broke down and cried in the chemo room and all the other patients were so good to me I cried even more. One of them said "Honey, you fall down we pick you up, that's what we do for each other here."

I hate being so dependent on other people, I couldn't even drive myself home from the hospital yesterday. They gave me something for the nausea and I was dizzy and sleepy and knew it wasn't safe for me to drive so Wes had to cancel the job he was working on and come get me, then arrange to get my van picked up later. Losing my independence, not even being able to drive myself somewhere is very frustrating.

I'm trying hard to hold on to the positives, especially in the wake of hearing the news about newfoundlogic. I know I have it so much better than so many people, but it's still so hard right now.

Thanks for (once again) letting me whine.

[ January 31, 2006, 01:33 PM: Message edited by: Belle ]

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Uprooted
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Thanks for sharing. I was thinking about you earlier and sorry to hear it's so hard right now. I don't normally do hugs but . . .(((Belle)))
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smitty
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[Frown] Sorry Belle. Praying for you!!
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Farmgirl
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Can I ask you some questions, Belle?

How many more rounds of Chemo are they going to have you go through? Is there an end-date you can look forward to?

If they thought they got it all through the first surgery, then what are your options about foregoing chemo altogether? I mean, if at this stage this is just preventative, could it be put off until you are feeling stronger again?

I'm still praying for you, and for your family. I sure hope you get to feeling better and stronger.

Farmgirl

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ketchupqueen
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(((hugs))) I will pray for you, too. I'm sorry. [Frown] I hope things look up soon.
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quidscribis
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(I posted a response to this, I swear I did! *sigh* I guess it's time to try sleep again.)

Belle, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks. I'll pray for you, too.

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BannaOj
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*hugs*

AJ

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Noemon
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((Belle)) I wish that all of the wonderful non-chemo cancer treatments I keep reading are on the horizon would hurry up and become available to you.

I'm glad that you have such supportive people around you, Belle. I know that you'd be there for one of them if they were hurting, and I'm glad they're there for you, even if you aren't completely comfortable with it.

And I know that it doesn't fix things to hear this, but this will pass. You're going through something pretty horrible right now, but you will emerge on the other side of this, and this will be nothing but an awful memory.

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Joldo
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Belle, dear, we'll be praying for you. (((Belle)))
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Synesthesia
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*tissue* *hug*

I'm sorry...

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Megan
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(((Belle)))

I'm sorry you have to go through with this. Don't ever feel like you're whining; everyone here is thinking about you and wishing you well.

*hugs*

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Belle
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Farmgirl, those are all good questions. This was my fourth treatment round, I'm supposed to have 12. Yes, it's somewhat preventative in my case, but the doctor really thinks I need to complete the chemo because my cancer was stage 2B, just shy of being stage 3 - stage 3 being lymph node involvement. My cancer had penetrated all the way through the bowel wall, which is a sign of a more advanced cancer. Frankly, it's unusual for there to even be a stage 2B colon cancer, most of the time when it penetrates the wall it's already spread.

So, chemo is important because of the staging. The chemo I'm going through is supposed to cut my recurrence risk in half, and considering my age, we need to do all we can to prevent recurrence if possible. Colon cancer has a pretty high recurrence rate, and a pretty high fatality rate as well.

I need to make it through all 12 treatments. I will do it, it will be hard but I'll make it. I just have days like today that I feel really, really low. It will get better.

My church has a sign up sheet for people who will take me back and forth to chemo, so I guess I'll take advantage of that and let them drive me.

Through it all I'm trying to hold onto the fact that it could be much, much worse. I do have family support, church support, good friends, people I can vent to like you guys, excellent insurance, and a pretty good prognosis. I need to be focusing on those things, and not on the negatives.

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Farmgirl
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Thanks for that post. That makes things more clear, and it is obvious that you can remind yourself that this will be worth it in the long run.

Please do take advantage of church help and others. That is what church, community and friendship is all about. I know you have done things for others in the past, now it is their chance to serve, and your turn to receive. That is the cycle of good will.

I know when my kids were very very young and I had just been thrust into the role of a single parent, I hated taking any kind of charity or help from others or from church. But then one kind lady said to me, "This is your time to receive -- your time to serve will come later when your children are older"

And she was right, and I have. I have never forgotten the kindness, and I realize it is my turn to pass it along with service now.

Let them help you. It helps them grow, as well.

(((Belle)))

Farmgirl

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The Pixiest
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(((Belle)))

I can't tell you how much I admire your strength.

Pix

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Dagonee
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((Belle))

I'm sorry you have to go through more surgery.

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Olivet
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*hugs*

I was just talking with somebody who remarked about how sometimes you keep facing the same sorts of situations until you learn how to deal with them. It got me to thinking about some of the things I have the hardest time dealing with, and how... well anyway, I'll just tell you what somebody told me once.

"Why is it okay for YOU to help those in need, to offer prayer and comfort to people in pain but it's NOT okay for people to help you when you need it? Either you don't think you're worthy or you think the Helper is somehow morally superior to the Helpee, because the helpee isn't strong or stubborn enough to help themselves. Both idears are stupid, and you ain't stupid." ---From a loving but no-nonsense relative (slightly paraphrased). [Wink]

We love you, baby. Let people show their caring for you, and accept it as graciously as you are able. You'll need more before it's over. [Group Hug]

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romanylass
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(((Belle)))

Lean on us and others, we all want to help you.

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Elizabeth
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""Why is it okay for YOU to help those in need, to offer prayer and comfort to people in pain but it's NOT okay for people to help you when you need it? Either you don't think you're worthy or you think the Helper is somehow morally superior to the Helpee, because the helpee isn't strong or stubborn enough to help themselves. Both idears are stupid, and you ain't stupid." ---From a loving but no-nonsense relative (slightly paraphrased)."

Banna, I miss grandma's letters! Any new ones?

Belle, whichever of Banna's relatives said this is right on the money.

I remember reading something about Yankees(not the NY Yankees, Icarus), who will halp their neighbors, but abhor even the idea of asking for help.

It is OK to need. Let people love you!

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Sterling
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Belle, if it makes you feel even the slightest bit better, complain away. You've earned it, and I think we're all ears.

(((Belle)))

Speedy remission and recovery.

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Derrell
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(((Belle))) Best wishes for a successful surgery and a cancer free future.
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Narnia
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Farmgirl is like the wise sage on the mountain. Well said.

(((Belle))) Lean dearheart. Lean all you want to. I think of you often and pray for you too. I know you're going to get through this.

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Lagomorph
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Belle, Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. The news of Newfoundlogic's death has made me worry more about you and wonder more how you are doing.

I know its hard to loose your independence. Try to remember that independence is only an illusion any way. We are all interdependent. At some times in our lives we are able to give more to others than we take in return. But at some points in our lives every single one of us needs to take more than we give. This is part of being human. Its part of God's plan. Its how we learn to truly love one another. The part you are playing right now is every bit as the part you play when you are the one giving.

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The Rabbit
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Sorry about the confusion, that last post was from me.
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ctm
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"Be cognizant of your own limitations, and accept them. And don't be afraid to ask for help, because you will need it at times."

My brother said that to me when I was in the middle of my divorce ordeal, closely followed by my foot surgery ordeal.

I was amazed at the help people offered, and further amazed at how it actuallly deepened my friendships with them.

I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. Don't worry about whining. Yes, things could be worse, but they could be better, and as a wise friend once said, misery isn't a contest.

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Tante Shvester
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Oh honey! You know what I hate most about life? Sometimes it really stinks. But, G'd willing, it will get better. The stinking parts are rough, though. You deserve a treat.

Want a popsicle?

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Mrs.M
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Belle, you're not whining. You have every reason to be screaming and moaning and I think you're being remarakably restrained and brave. Losing your independence is awful - I found that out when I was on bedrest. Try to remember that this won't be forever, even though it probably feels like that now.

I think you need some shoe therapy.

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Altįriėl of Dorthonion
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Dear Belle,
Please cling to life as hard as you can, I wouldn't bear another loss in our Hatrack family. I'll pray for you as hard as I can, please, please keep your will to live burning.

AoD

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Shan
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(((Belle)))

Hang in there, sweetie. Let others help -- they need to as much as you need it.

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Space Opera
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((Belle)) I wish that was a real hug!

Don't forget, as so many others have already posted, that there will be a time when it's your time to pick someone up. Let people help you - remember, they're doing it because they LOVE you.

You're in my thoughts. [Kiss]

space opera

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Ela
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Hang in there, Belle, we are rooting for you.

[Group Hug]

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Icarus
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(((Belle)))
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Amanecer
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(((Belle))) I wish you a safe and quick recovery.
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Dragon
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(((((Belle)))))

Keep finding the positives!

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JennaDean
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I keep reading your story, and wanting to say something encouraging, but everyone else says it all so well and I can never think of anything good to say. But I've always thought that saying nothing much was better than saying nothing at all. So, here I am.

I'm thinking about you and praying and "rooting" for you, too. (((Belle)))

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Beanny
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Ouch! I haven't got much to say, but as many of my family members had cancer (it runs in the genes...), I have two piences of advice:

A) Think positive! The doctors gave my grandma a few months, and she held on pretty fine for several years.

B) It's a fact, that when you're sick in the winter you get all sad and depressed, much more than in other seasons. Which is why, whenever you feel that you're just sick of fighting, say to yourself: "ah, it's beacuse of the weather, get a grip of yourself and keep on!"

I'm crossing my fingers for you.

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mimsies
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((((Belle))))

Hang in there.

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accio
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Bell,

You know we are always here to listen to you. Vent all you want.
You won the half of the battle already with your positive attitude. [Wink]
(((hugs))

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Lyrhawn
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(((Belle)))

Beanny's right, think positive! The same thing happened with my grandmother, in that she lived for years longer than the doctors gave her.

Take comfort in the people around you. They want to help, and they need yours as well. You may think of yourself as needy, but really you're helping them by letting them help you. Cancer makes everyone feel powerless, not just the people who have it. Family and friends want to do something, they want something they can fight, and in lieu of that, they want to do everything they can to help the person directly battling it. Let them help, for your sake, and for theirs. Against cancer, you can never have too many soldiers on the battlefield.

(that's probably stuff you already know, but other than a hug and wellwishing, it's all I have to offer. I pray (which I rarely do) you'll recover as quickly as possible, and that this will soon be but a distant memory for you)

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KarlEd
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Belle, I feel for you. I haven't posted much in your threads because I'm having a hard time dealing with issues my mom is having now. (The doctors are tossing around the word "lymphoma" but haven't gone so far as to offer a diagnosis yet.) newfoundlogic's news has me a little shaken, too, because of that.

Anyway, I want to add my voice to the chorus. Please get better and don't feel bad that you need support right now. You've given it yourself when you've been able and will surely be giving it for years to come after all this. (((Belle)))

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Valentine014
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I had a dream about you last night, Belle (well you looked like Farmgirl actually, but I knew it was you). Both of us had to have surgery and we were on the same floor. You came out of it cancer-free. I just thought I'd share that with you.
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Farmgirl
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quote:
(well you looked like Farmgirl actually, but I knew it was you).
[ROFL] [ROFL]

(poor Belle! And as if she didn't already have it bad enough!)

Farmgirl

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sarcasticmuppet
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quote:
I broke down and cried in the chemo room and all the other patients were so good to me I cried even more. One of them said "Honey, you fall down we pick you up, that's what we do for each other here."
She's got the right idea. I'm glad you don't have to go through this alone. (((((Belle and family and friends and church and people at the hospital and everyone else who helps her out in any way)))))
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Newfoundlogic 's Dad
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Belle:

You shouldn't have felt hesitant about posting because of Steven. I only hope you get the same hope and ideas that Steven got from this forum. I know that you were one of those who encouraged him and we are in your debt.

This forum was part of his support system that enable him to have a positive attitude throughout his ordeal. Your struggle will be long and difficult but you will beat your disease. I see you have to undergo a lot of treatments but it will be worth it. Not only is your situation very cureable but with your positive mental attitude, and support of family, friends, and church members your ultimate cure is a definite.

Don't be influenced a bit in your outlook by Steven's death. When diagnosed he was stage 4 in a rare cancer with very few survivors. Even then he became cancer-free and it didn't kill him.

The only thing I ask is that you and whoever is around you vigorously monitor your symptoms when your counts are low. On the thread I started Wed I summarized what killed Steven, which you may want to look at, when you are able.

Our best wishes.

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Belle
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Thank you Newfoundlogic's Dad, that was very sweet of you. Once again, I want to reiterate my sadness at your loss.

The surgeon called, and we are going back in on Tuesday to remove the old port and put in a new one.

Right now I'm fighting pain, just intense, excruciating pain. The nurses theorized that the meds that were supposed to go into my veins backed up in to the tissues in my chest and it's hurting until it all gets absorbed. It's really, really bad, I'm on prescription pain meds and still not able to escape from it.

On top of that, Abigail has strep throat and I had to take her to the doctor today, the pediatrician was more concerned about me than her, I think. He's a good guy, we've known him forever, and he made me promise to go home and sleep and let my mom and husband do all the caretaking of the little sick one.

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pooka
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(((Belle))) don't feel bad about talking about your troubles.

I used to work at a port manufacturer. What type do you have, or do you know?

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beverly
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Best of luck with this most recent hurdle. You are in my prayers. [Frown]

quote:
He's a good guy, we've known him forever, and he made me promise to go home and sleep and let my mom and husband do all the caretaking of the little sick one.
I second this advice. Hope you can get the healing rest you need.
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MyrddinFyre
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(((Belle)))
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BannaOj
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First: (((Belle)))

Second: Elizabeth, that wasn't my grandmother, it was Olivet's relation.

I have gotten a few doozies from Grandma, but I'm coping better and not getting as upset, and overall they've gotten milder. She's going a bit downhill physically, which means she's not feeling well enough to write as many letters, which in its own way is kinda sad.

AJ

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Anna
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I'll be thinking about you harder Tuesday, Belle. *hugs*
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imogen
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((Belle))

I hope your pain gets better.

And please, do look after yourself. I know you are - but do so doubly much. 'Kay? [Smile]

My best wishes are with you. *hugs*

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