posted
First and foremost, I apologize for the capitalization. This is an urgent matter to me, if it isn't to you, then that is understandable, and I can see how some people may find this stupid and pointless.
Okay, can anyone help me flirt? I don't know how, I guess I sort of do, but I don't know. If Human reads this he may be able to explain it, I talked to him about my problem, but here's a condensed version.
Me and this girl are dating (but were "just dating" so were not exclusive, and I'm not ehr "boyfriend") This guy is teachign ehr to dance, not a class or anything, but afterschool (today anyways) he was teaching her to dance, so I need to know howto flirt, hahaha, and now the guy is reading what I type over my shoulder, oh well.
Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I'm confused. Some guy is teaching the girl you're casually dating how to dance. You ask for advice on how to flirt. I'm not getting how one relates to the other.
And as for the second part, it's been my experience that when people try to force themselves to learn how to flirt, they just come off creepy. Some guys aren't flirters, and that's fine. I'm not so sure it's something that you can learn, though. You can learn how to talk to women, and how to not be as nervous around them, but that's not the same as learning to flirt.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Well, flirting works differently for everyone. I just ask a simple question and get a pleasent convesation going.
To flirt you just need to be yourself, have confedence that if you try to get this girl then you'll do it. Don't ever give a second thought to the possability that your not good enough for you or that she will reject you. Just have that supreme confedince in yourself and you will rarely if ever fail.
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posted
Steve, I hope that you are not being serious. Because thats the last thing you want to do is to come to blows over what could be a misunderstanding.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Yes! Yes! Violence solves all problems! (Just not necessarily in a favorable way)
Flirting isn't something you really do consciously, I don't think. If you make an effort at it, you do indeed come off creepy. Just be yourself. And if that doesn't work, be someone else.
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posted
Hey, there not any other way that I can explain how I got my last girlfriend while I was a fat piece of lard that made some funny jokes.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Advent 115: Hey, there not any other way that I can explain how I got my last girlfriend while I was a fat piece of lard that made some funny jokes.
Your grammar is atrocious.
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posted
Yeah yeah, tell me something I don't know Steve. And JT, thats just cold man. Thats just cold. *shivers from the frost* Posts: 1941 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
I don't know how to flirt. I have never kissed a girl first. It has never been a problem in my relationships. I am now married.
I used to watch with envy guys who were just naturally flirty. Girls seemed to swoon. At about 21 I looked back at my short dating life and realized I kissed and dated more then any of my brothers.
My wife, while we were dating, got so frustrated that I was ok with not making the first move that she grabbed my hand during a date and asked if she could kiss me. I wasn’t playing hard to get. I just feel awkward. Making the first move takes a degree of flirting that I do not have. I am perfectly fine once the ice has been broken—or the lips have been broken in. At that point I like to snuggle, kiss, touch, and be playful. Until then, I am happy with the company and the knowledge that romantic intimacy will develop on its own time.
I think flirting, tho probably fun while you are doing it, is overrated. I am happy how I am. Don’t sweat it. If you try too hard, you will come off…creepy.
posted
The problem with 'learning' to flirt is that for it to come out right, you need to be confident. When you are just trying to figure things out, it can be tough to be confident.
I've never really put much thought into the 'how' of flirting. Mostly, its just enjoying yourself. Laugh, have a good time, and she will as well. You need to be comfortable with physical contact as well. Not that awkward pretending to stretch so you can put your arm around her that they show in TV shows though. Just put your hand on her back as you walk through a crowded location, or lightly brush against her arm as you chuckle about something funny that one of you said.
All in all, just enjoy yourself.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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If you're worried about this other guy stealing the girl you like, just make it a point to talk to the girl more so she knows you're interested. You already know her, so you don't need to flirt with her.
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Thanks guy, all this has really helped, especially Lem's story. I think I already kind of know how to flirt,k but this girl is just so perfect. I may just be saying that ebcause I'm infatuated with her, or maybe not. She is nice, has an amazing sense of humor, she's ambitious, and she has pretty eyes and a smile that makes my insides got o jelly when I know that I caused her to smile. I just fell in love with her as we were friends.
PS: Yo tengo dies y seis anos
Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Flirting styles are different for everybody. You can't force it.
I was at a bar last night, and this guy was being absolutely obnoxious. I talked to him a little bit because he was friends with a guy my friend had a thing for. He was friendly. I was wearing a skirt, and it was a little chilly, so I put my jacket across my legs. And he said, "Why are you covering up those great legs of yours?"
Then later, he said, "Before I go get us some drinks, come here, I need to tell you something." "What?" (As if it wasn't blatantly obvious where this was going.) "Come here." "No, just tell me." "No, you need to come here. I need to whisper it in your ear." "No. Just tell me." "...will you just kiss me?" "No." "Please?" "No."
Why didn't I tell him I was seeing someone? Why, because he was being so obnoxious and pushy. So when my boyfriend showed up, I got up, walked up to him (my boyfriend, that is), threw my arms around his neck, and gave him a big kiss. Then he went to get drinks for my friend and me, and Will You Just Kiss Me said, "Oh, I see. So THAT'S your type." Then he stormed off.
The point is, if you force flirting, it will probably end badly.
-pH
Edit to add: Your description of her is adorable! Awwwww.
Posts: 9057 | Registered: Nov 2000
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quote: Did she ask for your hand, or did you get up the courage to ask her?
I was already married once. I met someone at BYU. I briefly attended the "Y," but I dropped out so I could go back to Korea and teach English for a year before I got married. The girl at BYU waited for me while I taught in Korea. We married after I got back--tho not in the temple. She left after a year.
After that experience I decided relationships are not EVERYTHING. I became even more ok with taking it slow. By the time I started to date "H," I was not looking for marriage.
She initiated everything--including the proposal. She even took me to buy her ring. Poor girl. I don't like ceremony and I had already done the marriage thing, so while I was happy to be with her, I did not look forward to the marriage process.
HOWEVER, in my defense, she did forget to buy MY ring. The day of our marriage I realized I had no ring. On the way to my wedding I stopped by the mall to buy my ring. hehe. We were made for each other.
We married civilly, 6 months later we married in Japan, 6 months later we married in an LDS temple. I married her 3 times!
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As for flirting, there's a big difference between fling-flirting and relationship-flirting. The styles for each are very different. I hate the former which usually involves pick-up lines, cocky attitude, etc.
If you're any time of respectable guy, just remember this...flirting is all about conveying interest. Its just a way to show you're into someone without coming out and saying it.
Because its subtle, try and think about what you're body language is saying. Sit alittle closer than casual friends would, make eye contact (but don't stare her down), make physical contact like brushing aside a loose hair or putting a hand on her arm whiling laughing at a joke. Verbal communication is also key. Be confident! Ask lots of questions about her interests and be ready to share your own. Don't brag but be passionate about your goals and successes.
Everything beyond the basics is a matter of personal tastes. Some guys will tell jokes, some will be spontaneous, some guys do really well being awkward cause alot of girls like knowing that a guy gets tongue-tied around them.
Flirting is just a display of interest and a test for chemistry. Its the preliminary rounds. Good flirting helps but it doesn't make or break your chances.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
lem, I'm glad that worked out for you and her. I don't think that would work for me at all, but it does confirm my suspicion that whoever initiates the beginning of everything is generally the one who initiates things. Since I don't like initiating things, it never made sense for me to ask anyone out.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Well, my best advice for flirting is to NOT hit on her. Look at pH's example. Girls with any self confidence hate being hit on. We'd rather be talked to.
Guys who hit on girls seem to say, "I have nothing worthwhile to offer you, so I'm just going to lather on the compliments and hope you fall for it and go home with me."
posted
Flirting comes naturally when your in love. Your description of her would be flirting if you told her that, but you probably already knew that. Her dance instructor isn't an issue unless he happens to be teaching her the Tango. But yeah, first rule of Tango class: Don't talk about Tango class.
I suggest you learn a skill. Girls only want guys who have skills.
Posts: 1138 | Registered: Nov 2005
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The best way to flirt is to just be sincerely friendly to women that you like. Rarely does flirting involve saying things like "Your leeps, they are like the ripe strawber-ree. Your teeth glisten like pearls.", Etc. Just be friendly and sincere and relaxed. The more you push, the more she'll go away. So, that means that you shouldn't do things like become infatuated with someone. Ever. Because then you're not relaxed and friendly, then you're desperate and horny and chicks normally don't get into that.
Most flirting is indistinguishable from friendship with the exception that eye contact is made for a little bit longer between the two sexes, so if you're not open to making friends, you're probably going to suck at flirting, imho. What this means, I think, is that you see the good in people,and genuinely enjoy being around people more often than not. Most guys who do well with women have lots of friends and are people persons. Or person peoples. Or something.
So, bottom line to good flirting is just to enjoy people, enjoy women, enjoy what they have to give you, and not force things. A girl doesn't want to do things with you, fine. Go do stuff with your other friends.
Are you catching what I am saying here? Flirting, and by extension getting chicks, is an extension of a healthy social life and a healthy personality. It's having a pleasant chat, not putting every fiber of your being into finding miss right. It's a dip in the pool, not a desperate last ditch effort to save yourself from drowning.
posted
See, everyone says I flirt with everything that moves. I don't realize this. But most of the people I flirt with end up following me around until I give them the "Look, I'm gay" talk, so something must work.
This is what I do, which people call flirting and which I call normal conversation:
1. Be friendly and open. Just be a good conversationalist, and keep give and take proportional. 2. Compliments. See, I don't try to compliment people. I just naturally see good things about people, phrase them well, and say them, because why not tell people if you think well of them? Since they're entirely sincere, very simple, and since--this is important--I don't hang on after the compliment, it's just part of conversation, they're not read as coming on to someone. At least, I think not. 3. Laugh.
Hard for me to delineate all this. I just feel like if I spend time with a person, they should go away feeling better than they did beforehand, which is important seeing as my friends come to me when they're feeling depressed. Make someone happy and you've gone a long way already.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
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I suggest you learn a skill. Girls only want guys who have skills.
That sounds like something Napoleon Dynamite would say. "They like me 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff."
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
To every single woman you see, look them in the eye, smile and say "Hi". Do this every day for two weeks. And I really do mean every single one. Old, young, hot, homely... every single one.
Be confident. After two weeks of saying hi and smiling at complete strangers this shouldn't be too hard.
Make her laugh. You are going to have to figure out what makes her laugh on your own, but find out what tickles her funny-bone and you really can't loose.
Learn to listen. Just listen.
If she already has a significant other, ask her what he is like, what she finds attractive in him, what she dislikes, etc. Knowledge is power.
And finally, if you fail... just keep in mind that there are many more fish in the sea and that not every will be perfect for everyone else. It's a matter of numbers, don't stop till you find the right one.
Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:If she already has a significant other, ask her what he is like, what she finds attractive in him, what she dislikes, etc. Knowledge is power.
If you do this be prepared for her not to answer. If I had a significant other and another guy asked what he was like I would be suspicious, and probably not answer.
Posts: 747 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Hey Alex! How YOU doin'? You must be a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Thanks for the information guys! I think Historian has a good idea. I just think I'm kind of building her up inside my head, like I think I'm not good enough for her and stuff. So I definitely need more work on confidence and being myself. If anyone else has any methods like Historian's that'd be great!
Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Actually, I think you CAN flirt deliberately. It takes boldness and a willingness to get turned down. Here are elements of good flirting:
Eye contact. If you make eye contact, and the pupils enlarge, it communicates subconsciously that there is an attraction. You can't control that part, but you can definitely try to make eye contact.
Smiling. Everyone looks their best with a smile.
Physical Upkeep. Make sure you look your best. Do your hair nicely, wear clean, attractive clothing, brush your teeth, stand up straight, etc. All those things your mom wanted when you took school pictures. Of course, do this on your own personal time.
Speak up. Say something. Anything. Start with "Hi". Make a comment on something she is doing (much better than on her physical appearance, usually). "I see you're reading Ender's Game. I really enjoyed that book. What do you think about it so far?" Or "Can I help you hang that banner for the school dance?"
And most importantly, handle rejection with grace. Sometimes she's having a bad day. Sometimes she's not interested. Sometimes she's interested but waiting to see what kind of person you are.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
I don't think any of those things are exclusive to flirting. Which is why I don't think there's a secret recipe to flirting. If you do all those things normally, then flirting will come easily to you, only you won't call it flirting, you'll call it talking.
If not, then you can work on them, but it takes time to get comfortable being outgoing if it's not in your nature.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Alex Johansen: Thanks for the information guys! I think Historian has a good idea. I just think I'm kind of building her up inside my head, like I think I'm not good enough for her and stuff. So I definitely need more work on confidence and being myself. If anyone else has any methods like Historian's that'd be great!
The saying "hi" thing, does far more than you would know. You might meet some really cool people, or cheer up someone when you didn't even know they were down.
Jenny offered some great tips too. I'd add one more to the Physical Upkeep: Shoes. I can not stress how important this can be.
Above all believe in yourself.
quote:Originally posted by whiskysunrise:
quote:If she already has a significant other, ask her what he is like, what she finds attractive in him, what she dislikes, etc. Knowledge is power.
If you do this be prepared for her not to answer. If I had a significant other and another guy asked what he was like I would be suspicious, and probably not answer.
I understand what you are saying. I really meant for him to use it to see how each person has unique traits in others that attract them.
[ February 10, 2006, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: Historian ]
Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Okay, now I have a question. Say she was sitting on the lap of the guy whos teaching her to dance, and my best friend was there and kina flirting with her too..... Uhhh, I forgot my question, but anyways, what should I do in this situation?
Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I dunno...I mean, you guys aren't "together," so I'm not sure there's really much you could do. Unless you were physically there, in which case she's being really disrespectful.
posted
At some point, when the computer lab is not closing in three minutes, I will type out the things that I notice when a guy is flirting and not being a total creep.
posted
Maybe I have it all wrong, but what I have observed here in this thread doesn't seem to be what I have always thought that "flirting" was about. When I have consciously tried to "flirt," it has been different from casual talking to someone.
I have always done the "humor" thing, rather than the "compliment" thing. When so doing, I have observed the reactions of the other person. After a few decades of it, I think that I have finally got it down. The only problem is that now I am not interested in finding a (another) "special person." If I did, my wife would give me the "Lorena Bobbitt treatment."
I feel that if you can get the other person to laugh somewhat, it might take away the awkwardness of the moment, or as we used to call it back in the day, "break the ice." Someone above posted about cracking jokes and how it worked for them. It has always seemed to work for me, too. Making people laugh about whatever situation that they are currently in will go a long way toward getting you closer to someone, which is what I think that you are trying to accomplish.
Maybe some people here can give you ideas about humor for your prospective situations.
Good luck to you, sir! Let us know how it goes, OK?
Posts: 101 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
More examples from bar escapades probably to come!
Striking up a genuine conversation is good. It can be about anything. Seriously, anything. I've flirted with guys at concerts and started my conversations like, "Man, these guys are taking FOREVER to set up." As long as you're not being creepy, it doesn't matter so much WHAT you say to start the conversation. Eye contact is great. A guy once got me to go up to him and initiate a conversation because he kept glancing over and smiling in my direction. However, this won't work for all girls because a lot of girls don't like to initiate these kinds of things.
A lot of times, I don't notice that a guy is flirting until I realize he's standing a little closer or he's made some kind of physical contact, like touching my arm lightly. I think it's better not to be totally conscious of the flirting, from the girl's perspective, because it means there's less pressure and much less chance of you coming off as sleazy.
And you have to be genuinely interested in her and what she has to say. Don't just nod and, "Uh-huh." Respond to it, even if she's talking about this cute pair of boots she saw at the mall or how her friend is dating a total loser.
quote:I feel that if you can get the other person to laugh somewhat, it might take away the awkwardness of the moment, or as we used to call it back in the day, "break the ice." Someone above posted about cracking jokes and how it worked for them. It has always seemed to work for me, too. Making people laugh about whatever situation that they are currently in will go a long way toward getting you closer to someone, which is what I think that you are trying to accomplish.
Warning: Before you try this, take a moment to ask yourself whether you have a sense of humor. Be honest, because if you DON'T have a sense of humor, this approach will result in way more awkwardness than attraction.
quote:And you have to be genuinely interested in her and what she has to say. Don't just nod and, "Uh-huh." Respond to it, even if she's talking about this cute pair of boots she saw at the mall or how her friend is dating a total loser.
This goes MILES. If you can accurately summarize what a girl has been saying to you, followed by a question enticing more information, you win. Period.
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She even took me to buy her ring. Poor girl. I don't like ceremony and I had already done the marriage thing, so while I was happy to be with her, I did not look forward to the marriage process.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I don't think that would work for me at all, but it does confirm my suspicion that whoever initiates the beginning of everything is generally the one who initiates things. Since I don't like initiating things, it never made sense for me to ask anyone out.
