posted
Ok I'll admit there is a possablity that it's as you say and has nothing to do with the parents. But see the info we have doesn't point to that and for some strange reason thats the conclusion you jumped to and seem unwilling to waver from. AS for the two of them at her parents by a fire, maybe her parents were out and since hes off to collage, couldn't very well ask who ever he was staying with to leave so he could have that time.
Aslo I see at no point was she appalled at haveing to pay her pony upkeep were the problem is, from the way I understand it to be said is they bought it for her knowinig they would have to pay for the upkeep, but now that things are going in a way they don't like, it's all up to her. Btu this is all my opinion ands you can do with it as you please, and I will do with your's as I please(which is think it means you have some problems to deal with to make you see the worst in a situatuation, and for the most part ignore it). Cause as I've been told opinions are like @@@holes everyone has one, wheter we like it or not.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Wow. I haven't been here in a long time....to be honest, I feel uncomfortable talking about my situation sometimes. But there was an incident today that made my girlfriend very upset, so I got the urge to check this thread I had forgotten about....I have a lot to say. Um, where to begin.
Firstly, not much has changed. About a week ago, we almost broke up. It was late at night, and though she really didn't want to, my girlfriend told me she was tired of her parents hating her and being disappointed in her, and that it would never be okay until we stopped dating. So she said she had no choice. Then only two hours later, she called me crying, recounting for me how her mom came in to see what was the matter, and when my girlfriend told her how she cried and went through so much pain to make her mom happy, her mom just said "Oh, that's all? Well good, I'm glad you got rid of him." And then left to go to bed. So basically....she pleaded for me to take her back, telling me that I loved her and did things for her that her mom would never do.
Um so we're together right now, to my great happiness. Though today, her mom saw her IMing me online, and told her that if she didn't break up with me again, she'd "make" her. Even threatened to send her to boarding school to get her "fixed." I know a lot of people tend to assume that teenage angst is behind most problems and complains....but I pray that more people will listen with open hearts and minds. It's not always common drama behind the tears. My girlfriend and I both share the experience of having our concerns dismissed by adults who believed we didn't know any better.
Um...one more thing I think. I...GUESS...I can see where one or two of you might have gotten the impression that I'm being dishonest or am the bad factor in my girlfriend's life...I blame myself for being vague sometimes, in the interests of being confidential. And i'm simply embarrassed being so open sometimes.
But....It really did hurt to read some of the stuff I did just now. I mean...rape? We've never done anything illegal, except stay out past her curfew one time. And I love my lady so much, I'd never do something to harm her. All I want is to protect her from the people and things I think are hurting her most in life. And I listen to what she says, I try my best not to presume upon what I THINK is damaging in her life. So yeah, I'm still a little bit shocked. But this is after all an online forum, and you really don't know me. I can't expect anyone to trust or think I'm a good person without meeting me, but I really appreciate those who do. I promise I give that same good faith to all of you in full.
But I don't want to end this on a bad note. The two of us are trying our best...right now she's pretty depressed though. Said she's "got nearly no hope left". But I won't give up on this; I care so much about her....I might stop talking about this though.
I need to find someone, a counselor maybe, who can really help us take steps to deal with this. The advice and support here has been great, I can always count on Hatrackers to listen with sincerity, and I hope I've been able to do the same for all of you. But at this rate, she's still got to live in that house for a year. And we've decided it's almost certain that even when I'm not in the equation, her family hurts her.
Thanks everyone. I wish everyone the happiest Posts: 349 | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
May I, again, suggest a teen crisis line? They will have local resources to help your girlfriend.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't know how to judge the seriousness of the situation, or what's really going on with you two. But I will offer this piece of advice. If you really love this girl, you would want to her safety and health and happiness to be the most important thing ever. Above your own happiness and personal wants. If this girl is really having this kind of abuse, you need to do what's best for her. Including getting her out of that situation. Even if it means your relationship is jepordized or compromised or put on hold or whatever. You need to get someone in authority to help this girl out, get her out of that enviornment, do whatever you can. Even if it's not the best thing for you. This girl is going to have problems for years to come and she needs to get out of that house as soon as possible.
Do what's best for HER. Not you, or the both of you.
Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I wasn't a regular here when this topic first started so I'm just now seeing it. I'm appalled to see where it has gone. Even if you are a stress factor in your girlfriend's life, the accusations were completely out of line.
I'm sorry you and she are in such a tough situation.
It's hard to judge the seriousness of a situation over the internet. I know that a lot of teenagers have trouble with their parents. I did. Sometimes I thought they hated me and they didn't always have the most encouraging things to say to me. It got pretty heated sometimes. I actually felt pretty hopeless and got depressed -- even suicidal. I did come to understand (I wish they had done more to help me understand sooner) that they cared -- they just weren't always good at showing that.
Sixteen going on seventeen is pretty young (probably doesn't seem that way to you ) and most people change a LOT in their late teens and early twenties. You may not even recognize her at the end of it all, personality-wise.
Sometimes parents don't know how to deal with teenagers. Scratch that -- a LOT of times parents don't know how to deal with teenagers. It's a confusing transition time in a person's life and parents don't always know when to lay down the law and when to let go and let their children make their own mistakes. Even well-meaning parents can say hurtful things -- either out of frustration or thinking that they can scare or bully their children into listening.
It is clear that some of the things your girlfriend's parents have said are out of line. The cussing is out of line. The threats to put her pony to sleep are out of line. (They bought it -- they need to take care of it.) The total lack of compassion for her feelings when she temporarily broke up with you was out of line.
Having suffered from depression in my life, I can totally understand and sympathize with her if she is feeling that way right now. It can be very serious. If she feels that way, it doesn't matter what her parents intend or what they are trying to do (and for all I know they really are just hateful people), she needs help. When depression is in your life, you are at risk for all kinds of problems -- even suicide (I pray she's not there). It really isn't a good time to be making serious decisions. It's a time to get help and get healed. If you can convince her to seek out that help, it will be the best thing you can do for her.
Like I said, it is hard to judge the seriousness of these situations over the net. I don't know how depressed your girlfriend is or what kind of situation she may be in. There is help to be had, even for teens who can't trust their parents. That is why the teen crisis lines are there. Good luck to both of you.
Posts: 2392 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm sorry to see it's still bad, Saephon. If she's anything like me, your girlfriend's probably afraid to say anything to anyone with vague, teen drama worries. Encourage her to keep a journal of the things her parents do and say. That way she has something she can point to when she does go to a counselor or pastor or family member.
Just having someone assure her she isn't crazy or overreacting will probably go a long way to making her feel better.
Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Let me rephrase that. You guys need to accept professional help, from real therapists and counselors.
Posts: 763 | Registered: Aug 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I felt the same way about my boyfriend when I was 16... ... ... ... So having thought on this a minute, I'm sad everyone's bias against Survivor has clouded the excellent point that the girl claims therapy made her parents worse.
Anyway, at 18, still dating this guy and we fought over religion a lot, I decided to go to a therapist to see if they knew how people could be happy without the religion of their upbringing. Something I recorded at the time was my boyfriend being disappointed that I would go outside the relationship for help. I'd forgotten about that. It screams "creepy" to me now, but in fairness he was only 19 and I was his first girlfriend.
As my therapist worked on me seeing trust of myself as good, I wound up breaking up with him. He was involved in some illegal drug use, which I wasn't going to be okay with even if I weren't Mormon.
Anyway, I just wanted to fill in my dots a little bit.
posted
Certainly it's valid. But productive? That might sound like a strange question, coming from me...but what will be gained by pursuing it?
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
It depends what you mean by productive. Personally, I'd say that the reliability of the person giving advice makes a difference when deciding whether or not to follow that advice.
Posts: 2437 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I agree. Evidence calling into question the advice-giver's authority on the subject is already out there now.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
