It's by the ever-talented mollyringwraith over on Livejournal. Her LotR parodies as well as her HP:HBP parody are all fantastic. Check them out if you haven't yet. This one doesn't disappoint. Here's a spoilery snippet:
quote:RON: Happy seventeenth, Harry. Time you learned some anatomy, nudge nudge, wink wink. He gives HARRY a book about charming the pants off young witches. HARRY: Thanks. Whooo, those are some nice illustrations! RON: (and I quote) You'll be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either. READERS: Well, that's good. Seventeen-year-old boys really do think with their wands too much. GINNY: Psst. Come into my room a sec, Harry. HARRY: Okay. GINNY: Here's your gift. My tongue, for the next half hour. HARRY: Sweet! Remind me to break up with you more often! ROWLING tells us they kiss in a way they've never kissed before, which makes you wonder what exactly they were doing in all those precious stolen moments on the Hogwarts grounds that Harry keeps reminiscing about. Playing Scrabble, evidently. Unfortunately HARRY now only gets to enjoy this gift for about ten seconds, for then RON flings open the door. RON: Till I'm getting some, no one gets any! HARRY: Hermione? Work on that, will you? HERMIONE: (cringing) Right. Sorry. At dinner, SCRIMGEOUR shows up. SCRIMGEOUR: Dumbledore left Ron a magic anti-flashlight. The question I ask you is: why?? RON: Dunno. SCRIMGEOUR: Very well. He left Hermione a book of fairy tales. The question I ask you is: why?? HERMIONE: Dunno. SCRIMGEOUR: A likely story. He left Harry a Snitch, and a sword that I'm not giving you. The question I-- HARRY: I. Don't. Bloody. Know. SCRIMGEOUR: Wankers. I'm leaving. SNITCH: Psst. I open at the close! HARRY, HERMIONE, and RON: Well, how very bleeding useful.
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I actually did write it down on my master 'dead list' that I was keeping. I totally understand that question.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Oh, yay! Reading this will be my reward for meeting my work goals tomorrow. Now I need to set some work goals for tomorrow.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:HARRY: Hey, um, it isn't true. She's like a sister to me. Our love is only a sibling-like love. Always has been. Never will be otherwise. I want to make this perfectly clear. We are now on record about the sibling-only nature of our love. Everyone got that? HARRY/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: (sulking) Meanie.
quote: HARRY and RON return to the tent. RON: Hermione, guess what? I've found my special purpose! It's to flake out and come crawling back. Dumbledore knew all along.
Also, I liked this part
quote:UNCLE VERNON: So we have to leave with some wizard weirdos for our own good? HARRY: Or get tortured by Voldemort. Yeah. UNCLE VERNON: Bye then. (leaves) DUDLEY: (hesitating at door) Kthnxbye. HARRY: Hang on--did you say "Thanks"? DUDLEY: Almost. HARRY: Wow. Just...wow.
The whole thing is funny, though. Please make sure to remind us all when part two is put up.
Posts: 2437 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I'll definitely sound the alarm when part two goes up. I imagine it will be before the end of the week. Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:KREACHER tries to maim himself with numerous household objects. HARRY: Kreacher, I command you to stop smacking your head with the colander. Now go find us the real locket.
quote:WEASLEYS, HARRY, HERMIONE, and READERS are in a state of panic and shock. Making matters worse, GIANT FREAKING SPIDERS have also joined the battle. ROWLING is probably still cackling. HARRY: Suppose I'll check in on Voldemort's mind. Ah-ha. Hey, guys? He's in the Shrieking Shack, waiting to rendezvous with Snape. They run through the chaos of the castle. NEVILLE streaks by, throwing poisonous plants and animals at Death Eaters. MCGONAGALL sends furniture flying. TRELAWNEY does the same with crystal balls and empty vodka bottles. Everyone's shooting to injure and kill--except of course HARRY, who flings spells like Remembering You Had A Dentist Appointment Just Now, Developing An Itch On Your Left Butt Cheek, and Feeling Like You Just Walked Through A Spiderweb At Face Level.
quote:READERS: I think Rowling is out to vandalize every major landmark of the series before this book ends.
I hadn't really thought about it, but she's totally right!
quote:HARRY: I'm really touched, folks. I hope at least some of you don't die. READERS: Me too, but on the other hand, I need a couple more before I get Bingo.
*laughs so hard she cries*
quote:READERS grumble and finish filling out their Character Death cards. SOME READER: Oh! Oooh! Bingo! I got Bingo!!
*laughs so hard she can't breathe*
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I'm not quite through the second part and it is fantastic. Go to her lj page though and look for the entry in April that crossed HP with Buffy, it was entirely fabulous and right on.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Hey, she's into Buffy right now as well. Writing much more coherent analyses of it as well. That's nice to read - I hadn't caught the comparison of Spike and Buffy to Rhett and Scarlett before, but it completely. Considering Gone with the Wind is on my list of top five most personally influential books ever, I'm a little ashamed I didn't catch that.
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
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I think I admire Scarlett more, though. She's a survivor. I know she's terrible, but...she never had a watcher.
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
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True, giving Scarlett a watcher might have helped. Now I may have to go see if there is Spike/Rhett slash, though I'm not sure I want to read it.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:DRACO: Say, you're Potter, are you? Want to join my fabulous and exclusive clique? I sent you a Facebook invitation. HARRY: I'm clicking "Deny." DRACO: Fine. Hate you forever, then. (flounces away)
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