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Also I am a foreign National in a completely different country from Dag, I am unaware of any law enforcement agency in the States as having authority in Canada.
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Dag, I get that you disagree with me. I'm fine with it. I'm not basing what I'm saying off of flimsy evidence.
I also think you are hurting Blayne, that many people here are hurting Blayne, because they are letting him get away with not growing up. I'm never going to be okay with that.
edit: Also,
quote:You're logic is faulty. I have seen examples of people in much the same situation as Blayne who didn't leave. Therefore, the mere fact that he didn't leave is not inconsistent with his story.
I'm pretty sure I didn't claim that I was basing this on because he didn't leave.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:I also think you are hurting Blayne, that many people here are hurting Blayne, because they are letting him get away with not growing up. I'm never going to be okay with that.
quote:I also think you are hurting Blayne, that many people here are hurting Blayne, because they are letting him get away with not growing up. I'm never going to be okay with that.
How, exactly, am I hurting Blayne. I haven't even said that I believe him. I've ventured no other opinion than "I've seen people who are being abused act in ways consistent with the way Blayne's acting."
I've said your evidence for disbelieving him seems to be based on some serious misunderstandings of what happens in some cases of low-level periodic abuse. Your attitude is one that causes people to delay reporting abuse even longer than they would otherwise.
What do accomplish by telling Blayne you think he's lying? There are people here urging him to move out. There are people here urging him to be more fiscally responsible. There are people here who have spent considerable time trying to help Blayne.
Are your belligerent attitude and statements that he's lying helping? Suppose you're right? What have you accomplished? Nothing. Do you think you're going to shock him into some sudden realization and fix his life? That's not going to happen.
Suppose you're wrong? You've perpetuated a stubborn myth that if people don't leave it means they aren't suffering minor periodic abuse.
quote:I'm pretty sure I didn't claim that I was basing this on because he didn't leave.
Really? "Blayne shows no urgency in leaving what he claimed was an abusive situation."
This was posted - eventually - in response to a question about what in this thread vindicated your doubt:
quote:You know, people got on my case for openly doubting Blayne's stories of being physically abused by his father. Just saying, is all.
This sentence seems to be an attempt to say "you guys shouldn't have gotten on my case, because there's evidence to support my doubts in this thread." When asked to clarify, you said it was the lack of urgency that provided that evidence.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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And right now, your hurting me, I have been into some really bad situations with my family and your disbelief in them only upsets me. Do you want me to take a picture of my glasses and email it to you so you can see the damage caused to them when I was punched in the face and they went flying across the room? Damage that has yet to be repaired? My eyes keep trying to compensate for it and its straining my vision.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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One thing I haven't noticed you mentioning, Blayne, is plans to buy a car with this substantial lump of money you're getting.
I recall more than one occasion when lack of transportation was a reason given for problems in your life.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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quote:Really? "Blayne shows no urgency in leaving what he claimed was an abusive situation."
This was posted - eventually - in response to a question about what in this thread vindicated your doubt:
Yes, which is not because he didn't leave, but about his attitude. He shows absoluely no urgency. It's not an issue to him.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Fine, substitute "shows no urgency to leave" for leave in my comments if you want. It doesn't change things, and the people I've seen have also expressed no urgency.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Sid Meier: ... your disbelief in them only upsets me ... My eyes keep trying to compensate for it and its straining my vision.
To be precise, his *expression* of his disbelief is upsetting you. His disbelief on its own is not.
Also, against my better judgement as someone that stands to make a tiny fractional profit from your purchase of a HD3870, would it not make more sense to fix your glasses?
Posts: 7593 | Registered: Sep 2006
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I 'show' no urgency to anything in my entire life, there could be an armed robber telling me give him my wallet and I would still would still in mid motion of handing it over stop to look at a funny looking rock on the side walk which just happens to have a butterfly a really cool looking butterfly flying on top of it, and wondering what it would be like if butterflies could talk all the while the armed robber has cocked his gun in impatience and slowly raising it to eye level.
However carrying on, while I show or more accurately display no urgency to anything I still nonetheless recognize what my priorities are, what I should be doing, what I should be doing etc and planning for it and understanding whats important, that I don't show the slightest spec of stress no matter how serious the situation is simply my personality, I've gotten into accidents and rather then being worried I stare blankly at the wound in question wondering when its going to hurt.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote:What do accomplish by telling Blayne you think he's lying?
Do you not see a benefit in letting immature people like Blayne know that people can and will see through them? Blayne's big problem is that he has never grown up. His lies here are the lies of a child who is angry at his parents.
This behavior isn't going to stop when it keeps getting him what he wants and he's getting out of the stage where he's got the security cushion for growing up.
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So people don't take away that abused people should just up and leave and that it is their fault if they don't, I am only talking about the specifics of all the details that go into this case and nothing I've said should be taken as any sort of general principle.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:Fine, substitute "shows no urgency to leave" for leave in my comments if you want. It doesn't change things, and the people I've seen have also expressed no urgency.
If so, I think you and I live in different worlds. The people I have dealt with universally have. It is a source of considerable stress to them.
How closely did you deal with the abused people? Also, what's your training in how to deal with them?
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:Originally posted by Sid Meier: Damage that has yet to be repaired? My eyes keep trying to compensate for it and its straining my vision.
Good thing you're about to have the money for new glasses.
Huh. That never actually occured to me, that is possibly a really good idea.
As for a car, its possible a friend of a friend might give me there used jobby but I lack a drivers licsense of any form of drivers ed at all. It is something that I'll have to work towards during the summer, currently getting A+ Certified is a tad higher priority though.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote:that I don't show the slightest spec of stress no matter how serious the situation
Blayne, how on earth can you say this with a straight face? You show enormous signs of stress here, pretty much every day.
quote:I still nonetheless recognize what my priorities are, what I should be doing,
This is what causes many of us to worry - it doesn't seem as if the priorities you recognize are the ones that would benefit you the most.
In fact, some of the priorities you hold seem to be actually counterproductive.
I think I may have been thinking more of what I displayed more of a physically expressing and assumed that my online typing reflected this, if this is not the case I am surprised. As I am only aware of talking about my situation only a few times. Mostly I think I try to remain positive and forward thinking.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Sid Meier: that I don't show the slightest spec of stress no matter how serious the situation is simply my personality
Blayne, I believe that you conceive of yourself as someone who doesn't ever display stress, but how do you reconcile that with your behavior when, for example, Primal Curve is pushing your buttons?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:Do you not see a benefit in letting immature people like Blayne know that people can and will see through them?
Not based on the evidence you have here.
quote:Blayne's big problem is that he has never grown up. His lies here are the lies of a child who is angry at his parents.
Even if that's true, any lying he may or may not be doing is a symptom of that lack of growing up. You're not coming close to addressing the actual issue, even if your assessment is accurate.
quote:If so, I think you and I live in different worlds. The people I have dealt with universally have. It is a source of considerable stress to them.
Based on an earlier post of yours, it seems as if your experience with them has been in a clinical setting. Were these people who came to the clinical setting voluntarily? If so, they are in a very different situation from someone who is talking to a prosecutor because a third party called the police on their abuser. It's not surprising their sense of awareness about the situation would be greater in the clinical setting.
Moreover, as I stated before, this is not just my opinion. Someone who does this for a living evaluated the evidence available to us (it was some time ago, but certainly after you expressed your doubts) and reached this same conclusion - that Blayne's actions and attitude are not inconsistent with being abused, and that he exhibits certain signs suggestive of having been abused even in posts where he doesn't talk about it.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:I still nonetheless recognize what my priorities are, what I should be doing,
This is what causes many of us to worry - it doesn't seem as if the priorities you recognize are the ones that would benefit you the most.
In fact, some of the priorities you hold seem to be actually counterproductive.
Blayne, you know that this is part of what makes me worried that there are unacknowledged challenges of some sort in your life. We have talked about this before. I am still hoping you will find your way to a formal assessment.
For example, if there had been a history of alcohol exposture during your fetal development, you might have some of the following characteristics:
quote:- Immature social/emotional development: friends are younger, shunned by peers of same age, overly friendly to strangers, no long-term healthy "best friend"
- Poorly developed conscience: conscience development of a 6-year-old, lacks mature altruism, rather self-centered, lies to cover up mistakes
- Lack of consistent impulse control: sometimes can control impulse, sometimes cannot, more likely to control impulse in presence of an authority figure, sometimes there is a gap between thought and action
- Inability to learn from consequences: knows the rules, understands cause and effect, doesn't make the connection at the time of action, or doesn't remember the rules or consequences, or thinks "This time I might not get caught."
- Good expressive language skills: can talk the talk but can't walk the walk, verbal skills much better than writing skills, good articulation masks poor comprehension.
- Artistic: likely to have some unusual talent, even with poor fine motor skills, may be good artist, or excel in music, or be good in mechanics.
- Attention and short-term memory deficits: not always hyperactive, but cannot stay focused, easily distracted by external stimuli, can remember events from past but not rules from yesterday.
- Inappropriate social interactions: stands too close, stares, interrupts, forgets manners, cannot act as a true friend, cannot keep confidences, shares personal information, inappropriate sexual behavior.
- Difficulty managing money: spends paycheck right away, cannot plan or carry through with a monthly budget, cannot distinguish the value of $5,000 vs $500,000, makes extravegant purchases beyond means.
- Poor concept of time: difficulty keeping appointments, lives in the moment, forgets what happened yesterday; cannot plan well for the future.
- Grandiose ideas that they cannot attain: unrealistic life goals, unrealistic self-image, distorted view of themselves and the world.
- Poor judgment: difficulty making wise decisions, lack of common sense, inability to accurately assess risk factors.
- Vulnerability and naiveté: easily influenced or manipulated by others, impressionable, follows unhealthy leaders, cannot easily distinguish truth from lies, trusts without merit, may confess to crimes not committed.
All of the above set the individuals up to fail. They end up making the same mistakes again and again. They are the ones who are easily involved in wrongdoing and the first ones to get caught.
Obviously, I have no idea if this is what is going on, and it would be irresponsible in the extreme for me to assume I could make a diagnosis like that based on just what I know of you through the internet.
However, there are many such lists of constellations of characteristics, and many overlap. Things are consistently troubling and challenging for you in consistent enough ways that I would really like to see someone trained in this area sit down and work through it with you on a formal basis. Whether it is learning difficulties alone, or learning difficulties with something like FASD, or something else entirely -- regardless, for most of these things, there is help and there are additional resources available for people who need them.
---
I like you a lot. I like your warmth and sense of humor, I like your enthusiasm, and I like your abashed and unabashed delight in the world. I want to see you do well.
I hope being this specific again about my concerns isn't harmful overall, and that it doesn't come off as if I don't think you are a fine person. I just worry about you. (I'll drop it again after this, at least until 2009. *grin)
quote:Based on an earlier post of yours, it seems as if your experience with them has been in a clinical setting.
I'm not free to talk much about this. Yes, it was in a clinical setting. Yes, I did recieve training in working with abused. No, I'm not an expert at it nor am I licensed in any capacity for it. That's largely all I'm willing to say.
edit: Honestly Dag, unless you can point me to the things that your expert saw (which obviously should not be done in an online forum), I don't think we're going to come to any agreement. I do take this seriously. I do want to help. And I have confidence that my view is not built on flismy evidence or a mistaken understanding of the things involved.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:Originally posted by Noemon: Blayne, I believe that you conceive of yourself as someone who doesn't ever display stress, but how do you reconcile that with your behavior when, for example, Primal Curve is pushing your buttons?
Especially when said buttons are so big and shiny.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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quote:Im going to also get a second HD3870 and cross fire em'.
I'm debating whether to get a second LCD screen or not. Currently im using a CRT as my second monitor.
I'm fairly certain that you cannot use multiple monitors when SLI/Crossfire is enabled. Note, too, that buying two HD3870s is rather pointless when one 8800GTS G92 is faster and cheaper.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I think the different context might explain much of the difference in our experiences. My judgments on this are all evidentiary in nature - people who have suffered X have done and said Y enough times that I don't find doing and saying Y to be evidence of not X.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: Blayne, you know that this is part of what makes me worried that there are unacknowledged challenges of some sort in your life. We have talked about this before. I am still hoping you will find your way to a formal assessment.
A clarification: I had meant to include your comment about wondering when a wound would hurt here, as well. Altered pain response is also one of the things that can point to a neuroprocessing challenge, and it is on several of those overlapping lists of characteristics that I pointed out.
I meant to include that above, but I posted too soon. Just consider this an addendum.
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Edited to add: Oh! And congratulations on wending your way through the student loan process successfully! Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: Oh! And congratulations on wending your way through the student loan process successfully!
Seconded!
How's it going with the A+ certification, by the way? When I got mine, years and years ago, it was an absurdly easy pair of tests to pass, but I've heard that they've made them more involved since then.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I havent started or applied yet, I am still figuring out the 'how to take it' part, of like where do I need to go, do need to get a manual are there classes.
so far i am not worried about passing it, my mom has this friend who not to be mean to the gal if she can pass it then what am i worrying about.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps Blayne would appreciate it if his personal life was not bandied about like so much Internet fodder?
This may have been discussed or mentioned in other threads, but, to my knowledge, Blayne did not post an invitation in this thread to discuss the intimate aspects of his life.
Curious and interesting as it may be, I don't think it is proper to carry on an open forum discussion of someone's private life.
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Until I need em Ill be putting the part to be paid back money into a whatchamacallit, savings account.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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It scares me, slightly, that you don't appear to be fully aware of what a savings account is called. One might consider doing some research into this.
Posts: 3658 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by BlueWizard: Curious and interesting as it may be, I don't think it is proper to carry on an open forum discussion of someone's private life.
I myself don't find it "curious" or "interesting." I would say I find it concerning, though.
I would rather speak about my concerns openly than behind his back. I would rather not speak about them at all, but when it has been an area of recurrent contention amongst this general group of friends -- for years, over and over and over again, to the extremity of responses it has drawn from Blayne -- I judge it better to speak openly, briefly, and leave that perspective out there than to either ignore the onnnnnnnnngoing (and, I think, at least sometimes underinformed) interpersonal conflicts or to try to address it in a widespread way behind his back.
Your judgement may differ. I am perfectly fine with that, and I am comfortable with where my judgement has led me.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by BlueWizard: Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps Blayne would appreciate it if his personal life was not bandied about like so much Internet fodder?
Blue Wizard inadvertently wins the thread.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Human: It scares me, slightly, that you don't appear to be fully aware of what a savings account is called. One might consider doing some research into this.
Thats why when i go to the bank I'll be asking them which kind of account is best for giving me money from interest.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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It is their job. So as long as he knows enough to know which questions to ask, I think he's in the clear.
Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2007
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Better idea: Do research yourself, beforehand. The banks are going to tell you what they want you to do; what's best for THEM. Do your own research first, find out what YOU want, and then find a bank that has that--don't rely on other people to tell you what to do all the time! You have a brain, though it seems to misfire frequently--use it.
Posts: 3658 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Sid Meier: As for a car, its possible a friend of a friend might give me there used jobby but I lack a drivers licsense of any form of drivers ed at all. It is something that I'll have to work towards during the summer, currently getting A+ Certified is a tad higher priority though.
I don't know the details regarding why A+ certification is of immediate importance to you, but you may want to spend some more time considering the immediate benefits of having a driver's license versus the immediate benefits of having A+ certification and how your lack of having a driver's license has made you very dependent on others.
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sid Meier: As for a car, its possible a friend of a friend might give me there used jobby but I lack a drivers licsense of any form of drivers ed at all. It is something that I'll have to work towards during the summer, currently getting A+ Certified is a tad higher priority though.
I don't know the details regarding why A+ certification is of immediate importance to you, but you may want to spend some more time considering the immediate benefits of having a driver's license versus the immediate benefits of having A+ certification and how your lack of having a driver's license has made you very dependent on others.
I'll agree with this. Getting yourself independently mobile should definitely be a priority, will probably take less time than the A+ certification, and will definitely open up many more paths for your future. I'd hate to see you earn your certification and then be completely unable to use it because you can't get to a job.
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I believe Blayne currently lives significantly outside a city, which is why public transportation doesn't work for him. If his school and job are in the city (not sure about this), then it might be better to move into the city and use public transit than buy a car and have to deal with the associated baggage - license, insurance, maintenance.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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That could very well be. Or he could get a motorcyle (and safely and conservatively operate it). Whatever the case, I think being capable of your own mobility is a helluva lot more important than having a bitchinrad machine.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I admit I don't know the entire situation here as I have avoided these discussions, but in my opinion getting a "bitchinrad machine" does not get you out of the house, which seems to be the root of the problem.
Sitting in the virtual dark playing video games, albeit entertaining, is not growth. And there will always be time for that in the future; you have to get your priorities straight, and attack the immediate necessities.
The world does not come to you at your convenience; you have to go outside and reach for it. Getting reliable transportation - be it a car, scooter, skateboard, helicopter... whatever it may be - will open up more opportunities for growth than you apparently realize.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
Actually, he's already noted that the $2000, while still a loan (and will have to repaid at some future date), is specifically earmarked for computer equipment anyways.
While he might be able to get his glasses fixed and justify that as a computer expense, a vehicle or transit passes would be even harder to justify.
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