He's okay. As okay as anyone can be, anyway. If you don't want the details, skip down to the next paragraph. I'm only writing them because it helps to get it out. He didn't show up for work and his live-in girlfriend, who works the same job but an early shift, went home assuming he was sick. She found him alive and awake in the shower, but with his wrists cut and a stab wound in his stomach. She called 911 and got him to the hospital pretty quick, meanwhile having to get an ambulance for herself as she had a panic/asthma attack and needed oxygen. He had surgery, as he apparently punctured both sets of intestines and needed 2 quarts of blood, and is now admitted for a few days under observation.
I'm in Philly and this happened in CT, so I'll be taking the week off and going up to visit him and the family on Wednesday. I hope he'll be in a mood to speak to people.
The strange thing is that I saw him only two weeks ago and he seemed perfectly happy. He had just bought a house with his girlfriend, things were going better at work and nothing seemed wrong.
Life isn't perfect, of course. His father, my grandfather, passed away in June. He had been in a home for many years with depression and dementia, and so my mind immediately goes to this potentially being a chemical/genetic thing.
This past week he also, apparently, had expressed worries about money problems and had worked a 7 day week with long hours. But even with that, according to his girlfriend they didn't fight the night before, he ate well and seemed perfectly normal.
And before anyone suggests it, as soon as I get back from visiting I plan on investigating therapy options for myself. Just to be on the safe side, especially as this might be genetic.
If anyone has any knowledge on this sort of thing (preferably the optimistic sort, but I won't shy away from the honest truth), I'd greatly appreciate it.
Not sure the point of writing all this out, except as a personal sort of therapy. But if you could keep my family in your thoughts I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
posted
I'm sorry to hear about that, but I'm glad his girlfriend found him in time and I hope he'll be okay.
Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm really sorry to hear about your father, Javert. I don't have any advice/personal experience to give you, but I do send you, your father, & your family my best wishes and thoughts.
Posts: 2409 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm really sorry Javert. I'm glad he was found in time to get him medical attention and I hope that he and your whole family will be able to get through this difficult time and find the help you will need.
My uncle committed suicide earlier this year and it came as quite a shock to all of us. He had given no indication to anyone that he planned suicide, but we all had suspected for years that he suffered (untreated) from mental illness, so while it was shocking, it wasn't necessarily surprising. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to send me an email.
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Javert, that sucks. I am really sorry to hear that. What is so sad about suicide is how much it hurts everyone around that person who felt like they had nothing left. My friend's father committed suicide shortly before school a few years ago, and then her sister tried the same near the end of that same school year. While it may be easy to say there must be a genetic component to it, it probably isn't a good idea to mention that to the person who has tried suicide. It would lend itself to the feeling that there is nothing you can do and that you will always feel the way that led you to commit suicide. What he likely needs now is the feeling that things can change and that they will get better.
I really hope your father gets better, Javert. Take care.
Posts: 306 | Registered: Jun 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Javert, I'm thinking very supportive thoughts from afar. This is a rough time no matter how quickly he gets better. My daughter attempted suicide in 2005, and the single best thing I did for ME (we did a lot of things for her and the family) was to find a local chapter of NAMI's Family to Family educational class. It was full of information for family members of ill people, and it was full of other family members who had been through what I have gone through.
Tuck this away for a later resource to check out. I know right now things are just too chaotic, but maybe later it could be helpful. I'd really strongly recommend someone look out for your father's girlfriend, too. I still probably have post-traumatic stress from my daughter's experience, and it is likely that she will struggle with that, particularly since she found him.
You and your family are in my thoughts, Javert.
Like most things (diabetes, colon cancer) there is a genetic component to the mental illnesses, but what that means is not that you are doomed to suffer, but that you have to keep a closer eye out for warning signs and get early treatment. The treatments DO work, and the science is getting better. Take it seriously, but don't fixate on it. Your father -- and you -- can have a good life.
That's my $0.11.
Posts: 628 | Registered: Nov 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm terribly sorry Javert, I cannot imagine what that's like. I hope your father finds the assistance he needs.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I see no reason why you should seek out therapy yourself unless you feel it's truly necessary. If it's only to help you cope with you father's actions then it may be a good idea. But I don't think it's healthy to, I guess, "pre-treat" a mental disability you don't have. Questioning your sanity may not be the best course for emotional stability. Of course, speak to his doctors, do the research.
To you and yours, strength.
Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
| IP: Logged |
I am no therapist, and can't offer any concrete suggestions, but I can hopefully point out my own experience.
We had a friend of the family. He was a man's man. He drove bull dozers, laid concrete, repaired rifles, and then went to his job for 20+ years.
He was a good family man, until his wife, who was certifiable, drove him away. He found another wonderful young lady and did very well.
I have never known a stronger more self-supporting individual.
Then one day, as he got older, he got a little sick. The doctor gave him some medicine for his heart.
A week later he tried to kill himself.
It wasn't an illness in him per-se. It was the medication. Perhaps your father was on some new medication that created the depression.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
"But I don't think it's healthy to, I guess, "pre-treat" a mental disability you don't have."
While that might be generally true - meaning it might not be helpful to act as though you are experiencing emotional or mental problems you don't actually have - I don't think it really applies in the case of talking to a therapist. I don't think you can easily/honestly get therapy, or pre-treatment, for problems you don't have. Rather you'd talk about what you're feeling and how you're behaving and what you want out of therapy (or whether you want it at all) and figure it out together.
It's a great idea to seek out some help coping with circumstances if you are having a hard time, but even if you're coping well, I can't think of anything wrong or unhealthy with consulting with a therapist if you want to. For me it would be a question of whether I expected to get enough insight out of the meeting to be worth the monetary cost.
I'm very sorry to hear about your father, Javert. I hope he gets better.
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
That's terrible, Javert! I'm just glad he was found in time. You and your family are in my prayers.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
He spent a few days in the hospital, mainly recovering from losing blood and having both of his intestines stitched back up. Physically, he's going to be fine. Mentally is something we're all going to have to work on.
I took the train up to see him, and I have to say that nothing is scarier than visiting a relative in the hospital. Especially by yourself, which is what I ended up doing.
Anyway, he was transferred to a mental institute (not sure if that's the PC name for such places, but as "institute" is in the title of his specific place, I think it works) on Friday night and I got to see him earlier today, with my sister, grandmother and his girlfriend before coming back to Philly.
He's tired physically, because of the surgery and just starting solid food again after several days, but he's almost back to his old self. Better than his old self, in some ways, because he's opening up a bit. He even made a joke or two, and was able to smile and laugh when I made some (as feeble as they may have been).
This weekend he will be recuperating and on Monday the work begins. My sister had a friend who worked at this particular institution, and she says it was one of the best. The staff seemed really polite and friendly, and none of the patients seemed loud or violent. All in all, good signs for a restful environment. But as I said, Monday is when the real work begins.
I have the phone number for his unit, and I'll be sending mail regularly, which other than submitting my father to the torture of having to read my handwriting will be a good thing for both of us. And I've made sure that my sister, grandmother and his girlfriend will all be looking after each other in addition to going to see and support my dad.
That's all I have for now.
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful support you've given me. It definitely helps, and just writing it out is incredibly therapeutic. If there's anything you want to know about, or anything of interest I may have left out, by all means ask questions. The last thing I want is to keep this in.
posted
Javert, I'm so glad to hear he's better! Thanks for letting us know what's going on. Take care of yourselves and each other!
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Javert, I'm glad that your father is healing well. Did they give you an idea about how long he might be in the mental institute? Are you going to be able to visit him often?
Please take care of yourself too. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Best of luck with his treatment, and I hope things go as well as possible for both you an you dad.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
Well, almost home. He's back staying with my grandmother, as opposed to home with his girlfriend.
The reason for this, and I'm proud they made this decision, is that my grandmother is home all day and his girlfriend still needs to work. He recognizes (along with his doctors) that it isn't good right now for him to be alone.
Not sure what medication he is currently on, but he is and is still meeting with doctors several times a week. Physically he's almost perfect, just has lost a little feeling on two of his fingers on one hand, but he's going to the doctor this week to get that looked at.
All in all, it's almost as if things have become normal again. I hope so, anyway, and better than normal too.
Posts: 3852 | Registered: Feb 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Wow, that's a relief! Hopefully he's safer now in that he knows than when you feel like that, the thing to do is not to act on it, but to tell somebody! There is help. There is healing. I'm just so glad your father made it through all this.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
