posted
So this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, can I ax you a question, if you don't mind?"
"Yes," I say. "But make it snappy."
"Oh, sorry, my bad. So I'm wanting to go to Tripoint"
and I cut him dead - right-about-turn and walk away. It was clear that he couldn't make it snappy if his life depended on it. But it was still a bit rude. I can't help but wonder if maybe I'd have been a bit more patient with a white guy.
Apart from that, what is with Americans and thinking they can just talk to any random person in the street, who is going along and minding his own business? It's annoying and rude.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: Apart from that, what is with Americans and thinking they can just talk to any random person in the street, who is going along and minding his own business? It's annoying and rude.
Is it really annoying and rude? I don't physically stop people who look like they are in a hurry, but I'll ask directions from people around me, chat idly with people waiting for a bus or an an elevator, and make conversation when something interesting happens.
Posts: 1711 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I've been surrounded by Americans for my entire life and have only very rarely been approached by random strangers in the street... almost all of them hobos.
Maybe I smell bad.
Posts: 450 | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: So this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, can I ax you a question, if you don't mind?"
"Yes," I say. "But make it snappy."
That's pretty rude right there. You should have just said you didn't have time to answer his question instead of saying "but make it snappy." Are you an adult?
Posts: 668 | Registered: Aug 2010
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quote:Apart from that, what is with Americans and thinking they can just talk to any random person in the street, who is going along and minding his own business? It's annoying and rude.
I'm with White Whale here. I won't stop someone who has an unfriendly or preoccupied look about them. But if someone is standing idly, or with me in line or something, I have no problem with striking up a conversation to kill time, or with asking a random person a question if I'm unfamiliar with something.
I don't think it's rude at all, unless their actual actions are rude once the ice is broken, but the pure act of talking to a stranger? No.
Is it a European thing to not talk to strangers and be closed off? I know there are jokes about British people anyway being stuffy, but I always thought it was just a cultural stereotype.
PS. Nice use of Ebonics.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
KOM: It's pretty common courtesy to be able to ask a random person for directions if you are in an unfamiliar location. It's also expected that if you don't know the way you just say so.
It was pretty rude, so perhaps next time you will provide direction without giving anybody any guff yes?
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Is it a European thing to not talk to strangers and be closed off?
It's a Norwegian thing at least. Think about how you feel about telemarketers - that's what this is to them.
I also remember something about using "please" when asking for something to be awkward, but I'm fuzzy on that. Maybe KoM knows what I'm talking about.
Posts: 3275 | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: So this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, can I ax you a question, if you don't mind?"
"Yes," I say. "But make it snappy."
That's pretty rude right there. You should have just said you didn't have time to answer his question instead of saying "but make it snappy." Are you an adult?
Yeah, I think I agree with this. You probably were better off saying something along the lines of "Sorry man I'm in a rush". You didn't do yourself any favors here.
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: Rude + smug about being rude = even ruder!
I'm not smug, I feel kind of bad about it. But sheesh, is nobody in this country capable of asking a simple question without two hours of backstory?
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: Rude + smug about being rude = even ruder!
I'm not smug, I feel kind of bad about it. But sheesh, is nobody in this country capable of asking a simple question without two hours of backstory?
But from your description KOM it sounded like he got to the point after you told him to make it snappy. Where's the backstory?
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:But from your description KOM it sounded like he got to the point after you told him to make it snappy.
No, it sounds like he started with an assertion. Some preparatory information prior to the question. If you say you're in a hurry and the first thing that comes out is not, in fact, a question, then who knows how long until he actually gets to the point.
I have similar frustration with inefficient communications, but I'm conditioned by culture to not just turn around and walk away.
Posts: 3275 | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Is it a European thing to not talk to strangers and be closed off?
It's a Norwegian thing at least. Think about how you feel about telemarketers - that's what this is to them. :)
See, but I'm always pretty kind to telemerketers (not that I'm about to listen to the sales pitch, I just try to keep in mind that they're just doing their job and would probably not harass people on the phone if they could find a job that didn't require them to harass people on the phone).
KoM, I do think it was a bit rude, but I just think you should acknowledge that you are not a person who does well chatting with strangers and try not to let people start conversations. It's not rude at all to say, "Nope, sorry, I'm busy." But to expect them to live up to your definition of "snappy," well, most people are going to fail miserably there.
Posts: 368 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for directions. I enjoy striking up conversations with strangers. I enjoy strangers striking up conversations with me. I accept that most people aren't going to feel like having a huge, lengthy dialog with a random guy they just met, and that's fine. But the notion that trying in the first place is wrong? How exactly are people supposed to make friends then?
But I DO think that if people have the right to go up and talk to you on the street, you have the right to walk away. I think what makes you seem particularly rude there is that you DID stop and give him the impression you were going to listen, and then suddenly turned and left. Saying "make it snappy" wasn't the best way to put it. Depending on your tone, it may read more as a joke than an actual "I will literally walk away if you give me the impression that you will talk longer than 30 seconds to ask your question." If that's what you mean, then maybe say something more like "I don't have a lot of time." Dunno.
In any case, if you find yourself changing your mind like that, at least give a reason "I'm sorry, I really am in a rush and I need to get going." It's the turning and walking away without warning that feels particularly rude.
Posts: 4136 | Registered: Aug 2008
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: Rude + smug about being rude = even ruder!
I'm not smug, I feel kind of bad about it. But sheesh, is nobody in this country capable of asking a simple question without two hours of backstory?
That was two hours of backstory?
I'll admit I was taking out on this guy some frustration at other people giving me the two hours of backstory. I kind of got the feeling that this was going to take a while, though, which the actual words don't convey.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
I'm not the most social of creatures, but I would have answered someone's question. You crossed the boundary into rudeness by not waiting for the guy to actually ask the question. Patience, young grasshopper. Some people take forever to gag out a sentence/question. j/k Posts: 1813 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: I'll admit I was taking out on this guy some frustration at other people giving me the two hours of backstory. I kind of got the feeling that this was going to take a while, though, which the actual words don't convey.
So you pull a bait and switch? If I saw someone do that, I'd frankly just assume it meant that they were either an asshole or were just generally socially stunted to the extent where they get uncomfortable just being talked to by strangers.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: I'll admit I was taking out on this guy some frustration at other people giving me the two hours of backstory. I kind of got the feeling that this was going to take a while, though, which the actual words don't convey.
So you pull a bait and switch? If I saw someone do that, I'd frankly just assume it meant that they were either an asshole or were just generally socially stunted to the extent where they get uncomfortable just being talked to by strangers.
I agree. I live in an area where strangers walking up to me is a daily occurrence. Even with the ones that are obviously insane and/or on hard drugs, I still manage to tell them before I walk away. Just abruptly walking away, especially after talking to them, seems very awkward to me.
Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2005
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I can't tell if that was supposed to be Ebonics or an Asian accent.
Anyway, I'm not sure why you walked away. "Oh, sorry, my bad. So I'm wanting to go to Tripoint" seems like it'd lead directly into "and I got lost on the way, so can you give me directions?" Nothing that would take up more than a few seconds of your time.
Posts: 241 | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
I think, depending on tone, it might have been the introduction to a story.
I assume most people who walk up to me and request my attention are going to ask me for money. Someone who wants to get somewhere especially.
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
Too bad I'm not a fan of small towns. I find them boring and often lacking in diversity. But in my experience with large cities, people in NYC and DC behave very differently than those in Austin or New Orleans. I do hear nice things about Seattle (but I can't survive in temperatures below 20 degrees F) and Houston is sadly lacking in manners, so I'm not saying all of the South is sweet and that the North is evil.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
NYC had a reputation for being mean and inhospitable, but I've found that on any given street corner, there's enough people that if you say "excuse me, I'm looking for this place" you'll get a friendly person to help you out.
I actually met several French people when I was in LA who had been traveling the country, and said that NY (and America in general) was one of the friendliest places they'd been.
Posts: 4136 | Registered: Aug 2008
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posted
People ask me for directions all the time, for some reason. Perhaps I look like I know where I'm going. It's honestly never occurred to me not to try to help if I might know the answer. Seriously, you have time to spend writing on an internet forum, but have no time to help out real-life people?
Last Friday an old woman asked me directions (in Spanish, because this is Spain) for the metro station, and while I took a second to think where she should go, she said 'Oh, no. You're not even Spanish, are you?' Which was kind of rude, since, if she thought I was a foreign tourist and might not understand the language, what was she doing asking me directions? Anyway, I said 'No, I'm not Spanish', gave her the directions and embarrassed her a little bit.
If you don't help people (even annoying people), next time you're lost or in trouble, perhaps no-one will help you either.
Posts: 1528 | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
Too bad I'm not a fan of small towns. I find them boring and often lacking in diversity. But in my experience with large cities, people in NYC and DC behave very differently than those in Austin or New Orleans. I do hear nice things about Seattle (but I can't survive in temperatures below 20 degrees F) and Houston is sadly lacking in manners, so I'm not saying all of the South is sweet and that the North is evil.
Until two years ago, my only real exposure to the south was visits to family in Houston, and after years of stereotypes about the magic of southern hospitality, I was shocked at how rude people were. I spend most of my times in the suburbs of Detroit, and people around here are pretty friendly. Most every one says please and thank you, we hold doors open for each other, say hello to strangers when out for a walk, wave when a car stops to let a pedestrian by, etc.
But I have to say, I've never felt warm fuzzies like I felt when I visited Charleston two years ago. The sheer number of smiling, polite, friendly faces and people left me both bewildered and very, very happy. A couple stops in small-town Kentucky on the same trip yielded some pretty nice people too, but wow, as far as I'm concerned, Charleston is the nicest place in the world, and has more than blotted out the bad feelings that Houston engendered in me towards the south as a whole.
I don't ever see myself living in a big city. I'm not saying I wouldn't but neither would I live in a small town, per se. I live in a medium sized suburb that isn't really diverse at all, but the community as a whole is extremely diverse, and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone of a different race or religion around here. It's a perfect mix of busy downtown nightlife and quiet unhurried days. I need my quiet time.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
As word would have it, I live in one of the happiest, friendliest urban centers in the entire world. The coasts are fine too; the worst attitudes I've experienced in the country are in Dallas and Detroit.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Samprimary: As word would have it, I live in one of the happiest, friendliest urban centers in the entire world. The coasts are fine too; the worst attitudes I've experienced in the country are in Dallas and Detroit.
You live in Charleston?
And where in Detroit were you? Inside the actual city limits is a mixed bag, but I wouldn't speak highly of it to others. The suburbs are as nice a place as any.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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Charleston is nice. My bro lives there, and we go down to visit occasionally.
I was surprised at how kind everyone in Boston and Philly are, especially Boston. It's not that they were just polite-- they were actively KIND. They are definitely different worlds from Northern VA; here, no one really gives my family of seven more than a second glance. In Philly/Pennsylvania, we were openly gawked and commented upon. NICE comments, mind you; but the attention was interesting.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
In KoM's defense, depending on how far away Tripoint is from where he was asked the question, the guy very likely was going to ask for money, not directions. The way that usually goes around here is "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?" And when you say yes, launching into a long story about how they were just trying to get to X, where X is a suburb at least 15 miles away, but Y happened which is preventing them and they just need $2 in order to get around it. There's a patter to it, and you can tell from the first sentence if it's going to be an actual question ("How do I get to Tripoint?") or if it's the start of a story that will end with a request for money.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Is it a European thing to not talk to strangers and be closed off?
Not in my experience. I've travelled tens of thousands of kilometers by bicycle all over Europe, including much of Scandanavia. I've asked hundreds of random strangers for directions and only very very rarely have people responded with anything but polite helpfulness. If anything, my experience is that people (particularly older people) try to be way too helpful, giving more information than you could possible remember.
"Go straight down this street and you'll come to an intersection with white house on one corner with several big dog. The people who live there raise show dogs .(blah blah blah) . . . . At that intersection you go straight then .(insert half a dozen different directions) . . . . . Oh but I know a better way. At the intersection with the dogs turn right (insert 3 minute discription of route). From that point there should be signs pointing to X. So (full repeat of previous discription)." Then they want to chat a bit about where we are from, how long we've been cycling, where we are going before they repeat the entire set of instructions.
No I'd have to say that in my experience northern Europeans are very talkative, as long as you aren't trying to convert them to your religion or sell them something. My biggest dilemma is trying to decide at what point it isn't rude to cut them off and proceed on our way. When you stop someone to ask for directions, it seems rude not to hear them out but there has to be some sort of limit.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
Too bad I'm not a fan of small towns. I find them boring and often lacking in diversity. But in my experience with large cities, people in NYC and DC behave very differently than those in Austin or New Orleans. I do hear nice things about Seattle (but I can't survive in temperatures below 20 degrees F) and Houston is sadly lacking in manners, so I'm not saying all of the South is sweet and that the North is evil.
Happens all the time in Chicago.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:And where in Detroit were you? Inside the actual city limits is a mixed bag, but I wouldn't speak highly of it to others. The suburbs are as nice a place as any.
I'd say the same of Dallas.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
Too bad I'm not a fan of small towns. I find them boring and often lacking in diversity. But in my experience with large cities, people in NYC and DC behave very differently than those in Austin or New Orleans. I do hear nice things about Seattle (but I can't survive in temperatures below 20 degrees F) and Houston is sadly lacking in manners, so I'm not saying all of the South is sweet and that the North is evil.
Until two years ago, my only real exposure to the south was visits to family in Houston, and after years of stereotypes about the magic of southern hospitality, I was shocked at how rude people were. I spend most of my times in the suburbs of Detroit, and people around here are pretty friendly. Most every one says please and thank you, we hold doors open for each other, say hello to strangers when out for a walk, wave when a car stops to let a pedestrian by, etc.
But I have to say, I've never felt warm fuzzies like I felt when I visited Charleston two years ago. The sheer number of smiling, polite, friendly faces and people left me both bewildered and very, very happy. A couple stops in small-town Kentucky on the same trip yielded some pretty nice people too, but wow, as far as I'm concerned, Charleston is the nicest place in the world, and has more than blotted out the bad feelings that Houston engendered in me towards the south as a whole.
I don't ever see myself living in a big city. I'm not saying I wouldn't but neither would I live in a small town, per se. I live in a medium sized suburb that isn't really diverse at all, but the community as a whole is extremely diverse, and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone of a different race or religion around here. It's a perfect mix of busy downtown nightlife and quiet unhurried days. I need my quiet time.
The thing about Houston is that a lot of hipsters live there. Hipsters are pretty snobby people in general.
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I'm really not going to call Detroit a 'mixed bag.' It's just absolutely not a good city. I'm sure the suburbs may be better, they usually are. But in terms of the cities themselves (where I prefer to dwell), places like Dallas, Detroit, Cleveland, and even Miami are just mean.
This is mean on a national standard though. For all the guff the U.S. gets for its cities, the United States can be remarkably polite and helpful in everyday interactions. It's related to a phenomenon of low cultural 'power distance' that fosters high and positive interactivity between strangers.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Shanna: Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Not in my experience. They just wait until you leave to say it.
The South is just as rude, but only half as honest about it.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
This might be helpful, although it does a ranking based on losing a letter, pretending to be blind, or hurt instead of asking for directions.
In the US, places like Detroit and Housten do surprisngly well while places like LA and New York do really poorly. There doesn't seem to be much of a south-north trend, rather a pretty stereotypical population density trend and a violent crime rate.
Going globally though, this is much more of a mixed bag:
quote:There were other notable trends, although each had its exceptions. Helping rates tended to be high in countries with low economic productivity (low gross domestic product per capita—that is, less purchasing power for each citizen), in cities with a slow pace of life (as measured by pedestrian walking speeds) and in cultures that emphasize the value of social harmony. This city "personality" is consistent with the simpático hypothesis. People in communities where social obligations take priority over individual achievement tend to be less economically productive, but they show more willingness to assist others. This trend did not, however, hold for all of the cities in our study.
So places like Mexico City and Shanghai do surprisingly (to me) well in the global survey while New York remains near the bottom. Looks like they limited it to a population range in the global survey, so no Canada either.
Some other interesting observations, some experiments in particular cities couldn't be run due to cultural differences like worries about terrorism, unique scams, and people being too civil in Tokyo (and some unknown factor in Hong Kong).
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2010
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posted
One good point for optimists, overall in the majority of cities, it looks like you are more likely to be helped than not. Eyeballing it, there are only a handful of cities that fall below 50% (LA, New York, Singapore, and Kuala Lumpur).
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Yet another reason why I'll never move out of the South. Its rude to not smile and say "hello" to anyone within a five foot radius.
Yes, but this is true of small towns all over the U.S., it's not exclusive to the south. I live in northern Kansas, and it's damn near impossible to walk by anyone on a sidewalk or a hallway without acknowledging their presence.
Too bad I'm not a fan of small towns. I find them boring and often lacking in diversity. But in my experience with large cities, people in NYC and DC behave very differently than those in Austin or New Orleans. I do hear nice things about Seattle (but I can't survive in temperatures below 20 degrees F) and Houston is sadly lacking in manners, so I'm not saying all of the South is sweet and that the North is evil.
Until two years ago, my only real exposure to the south was visits to family in Houston, and after years of stereotypes about the magic of southern hospitality, I was shocked at how rude people were. I spend most of my times in the suburbs of Detroit, and people around here are pretty friendly. Most every one says please and thank you, we hold doors open for each other, say hello to strangers when out for a walk, wave when a car stops to let a pedestrian by, etc.
But I have to say, I've never felt warm fuzzies like I felt when I visited Charleston two years ago. The sheer number of smiling, polite, friendly faces and people left me both bewildered and very, very happy. A couple stops in small-town Kentucky on the same trip yielded some pretty nice people too, but wow, as far as I'm concerned, Charleston is the nicest place in the world, and has more than blotted out the bad feelings that Houston engendered in me towards the south as a whole.
I don't ever see myself living in a big city. I'm not saying I wouldn't but neither would I live in a small town, per se. I live in a medium sized suburb that isn't really diverse at all, but the community as a whole is extremely diverse, and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone of a different race or religion around here. It's a perfect mix of busy downtown nightlife and quiet unhurried days. I need my quiet time.
The thing about Houston is that a lot of hipsters live there. Hipsters are pretty snobby people in general.
Hipsters live in Houston now?? Weird. My experiences with Houston had led me to believe that very few people actually LIVE there, but rather commute from the ever-expanding suburbs. It always gave off this "capitalist mecca" vibe with all of its banks and oil companies. Its hardly the kind of artistic, diverse environment that I've always associated with hipsters. Of course, its likely that many of them grew up repressed in the suburbs and just never took the initiative to leave.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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