One thing I'm curious about is to what degree the unhelpfulness of individuals in a city is outweighed by the greater number of people. If 95% of people are jerks, but there's 100 people on every street, that may be better in some ways than an area where 100% of people are nice but you only have a 50% chance of running into anyone at all.
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Well, it's a good question, but I don't think the percentages worked that way. As in the 50% cut-off I highlighted was the chance of anyone helping (versus no one helping).
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Well, my numbers were made up. I doubt suburban areas are going to have a 100% help rate-per-person either.
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On second thought my mistake was rather in being too polite; by sheer reflex I accepted the beginning of the interaction instead of saying "No, I'm busy". An earlier cutoff would have been the correct action.
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@ Shanna, I'm sure most of them decided to move into the city once they decided it was time to get out of the 'burbs.
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: On second thought my mistake was rather in being too polite; by sheer reflex I accepted the beginning of the interaction instead of saying "No, I'm busy".
This is also unnecessarily brusque and curt. Many people would interpret it as rudeness.
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I am with ElJay on this. That sounds to me like a lead up to a request for money. I think that would justify a change in willingness to listen to the guy's pitch. I do think that a, "Sorry, I really don't have time", as you headed away would have been nicer than just walking away.
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It sounds like a clash of cultures, is all. It would never occur to me that there was anything untoward about asking a perfect stranger for directions. Nor would I ever consider it an imposition for someone to ask me for them. If I was in a hurry, I might say, "Sorry, but I'm really in a hurry," but I'd probably feel bad about it.
In Israel, you can be riding on the bus, and the person next to you might start asking you about the book you're reading. A total stranger, totally out of the blue. It took me a while to get used to that, because it doesn't happen a lot here in Chicago, but it's totally normal in Israel. At least in Jerusalem.
Obviously, the cultural norm in Norway differs from the cultural norm here in the US.
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: So this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, can I ax you a question, if you don't mind?"
"Yes," I say. "But make it snappy."
"Oh, sorry, my bad. So I'm wanting to go to Tripoint"
and I cut him dead - right-about-turn and walk away. It was clear that he couldn't make it snappy if his life depended on it. But it was still a bit rude. I can't help but wonder if maybe I'd have been a bit more patient with a white guy.
Apart from that, what is with Americans and thinking they can just talk to any random person in the street, who is going along and minding his own business? It's annoying and rude.
Hahahahaha!
I love the casual admittance of racism in this post! This = brilliant.
You're not right. Normal people don't react like this. Just letting you know.
Posts: 3564 | Registered: Sep 2001
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You know, I think it's funny that I only live a couple hundred miles from Houston, and I really have no idea what the people there are like. I don't think I've ever spent more than a couple of hours in Houston propper.
Posts: 1321 | Registered: Jun 2006
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"Sorry, I'm busy," would definitely not be considered rude by me. I might be irritated in the moment depending on how urgent my particular need was, though. Even, "No, I'm busy," wouldn't be considered rude, though the chances of my being irritated in the moment would be a bit greater. Personally, I would be more likely to say, "Sorry man, I'm too busy," and have said something along those lines in such situations too.
quote:I love the casual admittance of racism in this post! This = brilliant.
Wait, did he casually admit racism? He wondered if he would. That sounds like a question to me, jebus. I know you're fond of a good zinger, but surely you can tell the difference between a declarative and interrogative sentence.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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quote:Originally posted by DDDaysh: You know, I think it's funny that I only live a couple hundred miles from Houston, and I really have no idea what the people there are like. I don't think I've ever spent more than a couple of hours in Houston propper.
That's ok, you're not missing much. Posts: 2223 | Registered: Mar 2008
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I really see nothing wrong with the way KoM handled it. In general i will help people out, but we have some pretty aggressive pan-handlers in the last few places i've lived. If you don't give them a "sorry no money" or "i can't help you" as soon as they try to get your attention they will do things like follow you, block your vehicle, come up to your window, try to keep your door open, try to inhibit your walking, etc. Honestly its like getting softcore mugged, sometimes it goes to actually mugged.
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It happens that my mother-in-law and I were softcore mugged once, similar to the way you described. A bum came up to our car as she was opening the driver's side door and got right in her way, then held out a cup of what looked like very hot coffee. He proceeded to tell her he really needed money, and she ended up giving him a five out of fear that he would dump the coffee on her if she didn't acquiesce. "Mugged by coffee" sounds pretty sad; I still wonder if that would have held up in court as assault.
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I guess I'm different from most people in that if someone tried to pull that sort of a stunt on me, it would go very, very poorly for them. Last time I was aggressively panhandled by someone who wouldn't back off when I told them to, I told them they had seconds to get out of range before I held them down and waited for the cops.
But yes, it would hold up in court as a form of assault. Many anti-aggression policies specifically about curbing panhandler aggression ensure an easy criminal conviction.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Lisa: In Israel, you can be riding on the bus, and the person next to you might start asking you about the book you're reading. A total stranger, totally out of the blue. It took me a while to get used to that, because it doesn't happen a lot here in Chicago, but it's totally normal in Israel. At least in Jerusalem.
That happens to me all the time in DC. And I'm torn--on the one hand, I like chatting with people and I really like talking about books. On the other hand, I've had guys use "What are you reading?" as an attempted pick-up line. The last guy to do that took our few sentences of conversation as invitation to grope me while telling me in lengthy detail how much I'd enjoy having sex with him. The bus was packed like a sardine can, I literally couldn't move, and no one was willing to intervene.
Maybe the same thing would have happened even if I'd ignored his initial conversational overture and just kept my eyes fixed on my book. I don't know. I do know I'm a bit more cautious now about engaging in conversation with strangers, and any red flag (like, for instance, lying about having read the book) will make me walk away without stopping to say, "Sorry, I have to go."
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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Sadly, this is why I avoid panhandlers and always say "No, thank you" to most people when they try to stop me on the street. The metro stations are better - people are generally asking for directions. But on the street sidewalk? They either want money, straight up, or they want you to join their cause, which means money every month. It's always about money or wanting something from me.
And it has happened enough times that when I didn't produce it, I got hassled, that I don't stop anymore. It's easy to be confident about responding to implied threats when you're unlikely to be chosen as a target. As a well-dressed female on the street, my bitchy aloofness is sheer self defense. Everybody wants something, and they get mean when they don't get it. I won't even allow the conversation to start anymore.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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It seems like many of you are under the impression that a stranger is somehow deserving of your time, and that by approaching you on the street, they are able to socially obligate you to conversing.
I'm generally very polite to people, and I frequently give tourists directions, but my time is MY time, to do with as I please. If I'm busy and a stranger approaches me and I say, "Sorry, no time." that's not rude, that's beig assertive with my time.
I side with KoM being in the right. Abrupt, but well within his personal perrogative to stipulate exactly how much of his time be is willing to offer a stranger.
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