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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » You should all be telling Jihadist Jokes right now (Page 1)

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Author Topic: You should all be telling Jihadist Jokes right now
Darth_Mauve
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As we sit here there are many young people being fed pro-terror propaganda. They are being told on slick, fancy social media that being a Jihadist is manly, and noble, pious and brave.

That is of course wrong.

The Western media responds to this propaganda by describing Jihadists as frightening, dangerous monsters.

Most kids I know, in that 13-25 year range, love frightening, dangerous monsters. Who is the favorite DC Superhero? Batman. Why? because he is more of a frightening, dangerous monster than Superman. Who is the most popular Marvel hero? Deadpool. Yeah, he surpassed Wolverine, who was a frightening, dangerous, monstrous hero, by Deadpool being even more frightening, dangerous, and monstrous.

Who is the most iconic Star Wars character, Luke or Darth Vader? Evil is sexy, so calling Jihadists evil really doesn't damage their recruiting effort.

What would hurt their recruiting effort? What is the one thing that serious, suicidal Jihadists can't stand--to be laughed at. If you are going to die for a cause, you imagine how people will run away screaming, how your name will be whispered in awe--not how you will be the butt of every comedian in the world. No one wants to die a laughingstock.

In order to defeat the Jihadists Propaganda machine, and to fight the narrative of Honor, Manliness, Nobility, and Piety of Jihad, we need to show their Pettiness, their lack of manliness, their ignoble low sides, and their satanic side.

We can do this by creating jokes, and passing them around.

Yet me must do this as surgically as a drone strike. We can't make Islamic Jokes, or Persian Jokes, or Syrian Jokes. This is not about faith or nationality or skin color. Its all about the stupidity of the Jihadist movement.

Make the heroes of the jokes Imams, and other Muslims. Make the butts of the jokes ISIS, Al Queda, Boka Haram, and Taliban members.

For example:

A young Egyptian engineer, a 70 year old Imam and an ISIS general were taking a plane across Syria when the pilot announced over the phone, "Attention. The Syrian Airlines in its infinite efficiency forgot to fuel up or gas tanks. We will be running out of fuel in a few minutes. Following the lead of our glorious president who makes sure he's safe and rich no matter what disasters fall his country, the co-pilot and I are taking two of the 4 working parachutes. We will let you fight over the others. One of you will die horribly, but it won't be us so we don't care. Thank you for flying Air Assad."

Immediately the ISIS general jumped up, pulled out a gun and grabbed the pack off the young engineers back. "I am a member of the Grand Islamic Republic. I am the most beloved of Allah's children. He won't let me die, so I claim this parachute. It is Allah's will that I take this. If you disagree I will kill you as a heretic." With that he put on the pack and jumped out of the airplane.

The old Imam turned to the young engineer and said, "My friend. I have lived a long full life, and look forward to meeting Allah. Take the last parachute and...."

The engineer laughed. "Don't worry about the parachutes. The most beloved of Allah just jumped out of the airplane wearing my backpack."

OK. We could use some better examples.

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scifibum
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How are you going to make sure they know you are making fun of them?
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theamazeeaz
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I know that joke with Hillary, Donald Trump and a boy scout with a backpack.
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Darth_Mauve
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Sci--If you have to explain the joke, twice, because they are too dumb to understand it--they are a Jihadist.
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kmbboots
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A jihadist has been having trouble in the bedroom. His wife finally insists he go to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he has to stop masturbating. "But why?", asks the jihadist. "So I can examine you", replies the doctor.
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Darth_Mauve
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An Al-Qaeda recruit is sent on a mission. They need a TV to watch their favorite show--Gilligan's Island.

This terrorist walks into an appliance store and yells, "I wish to buy this television!". The salesman yells back, "We do not do business with Al-Qaeda scum. Leave at once."

The Al-Qaeda agent is scared and leaves. He must buy that television. His captain says, "you look to much like a terrorist. Go in disguise." The next day the terrorist shaves his beard, puts on a 3 piece suit and well polished shoes and returns to the store.

"I am here to buy this television" he proclaims.

The salesman gathers the manager and they both throw him out yelling, "We do not do business with terrorists."

Returning in defeat, the Al-Qaeda captain volunteers to help. "You must look less like a terrorist. Dress like a woman." The captain then hands him a burka, dress, various bits of lingerie, and bright red shoes with 3 inch heels. What the captain was doing with all of that we leave to your imagination. He did enjoy teaching the terrorist how to dress, walk, and look like a woman.

The Al-Qaeda agent returns to the store dressed as a woman. "I'd like to buy this TV" he says in a falsetto voice.

This time the salesman, manager and store owner picked up a few nearby tools to beat him with. Before they beat him into submission the terrorist asks, "But how did you know I was Al-Qaeda."

The store owner smiled. "That TV you've been wanting to buy for the last 3 days? Its a Microwave oven."

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Stone_Wolf_
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How many jihadists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who needs a lightbulb when you live huddled in a cave?
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GaalDornick
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80,000 jihadists meet in a cave for a "Jihadists Are Not Ignorant" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world it's not true that only ignorant and stupid people become jihadists. Can I have a volunteer?"

A jihadist works his way through the crowd and steps up to the leader.

The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 jihadists start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we are live broadcasting on the internet here uh, I guess we can give him another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the jihadist starts crying and the 80,000 jihadists begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the cave pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 jihadists jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

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Darth_Mauve
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I don't want to do the whole dirty joke, but the punch line is, "and the Jihadist captain smiles and says $20, same as in town."
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PanaceaSanans
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"Don't die a virgin. Terrorists are up there waiting for you."
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Stone_Wolf_
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I don't think that one works PS.
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Stone_Wolf_
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If you die a virgin, don't worry, you and 72 of your buddies can always do a jihadist in the butt in heaven.
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Mucus
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth_Mauve:
Yet me must do this as surgically as a drone strike.

"But I don't know any jokes about weddings ..."
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PanaceaSanans
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quote:
Originally posted by Stone_Wolf_:
I don't think that one works PS.

Does too. It's just more subtle. [Big Grin]
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Darth_Mauve
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Why did BocaHaram kidnap all those girls? To give the goats a night off. It didn't work.
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TomDavidson
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*cringe* I don't like this thread.
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Elcheeko75
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I also find this cringeworthy. What I trust Jon Stewart to do well, I don't trust random joke telling guy to handle.
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Heisenberg
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Honest question - are you guys not liking the thread because the jokes are crappy, or some other reason?
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Elcheeko75
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My problem is not that the jokes are crappy. Which they are. As well as most of them being rip offs of jokes about Oklahoma State grads. My problem is that attempting to solve problems that arise from massive misunderstandings between cultures by appealing to an adolescent sense of humor is at best counterproductive and at worst massively counterproductive. "Evil is the new cool" is an oversimplification and I would posit that jihadists' biggest recruiting tools are in fact choking poverty and the never ending river of anti- Muslim xenophobia that is the American media. Do you really think ridicule is going to diminish either of those things?
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kmbboots
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Very well put.
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ElJay
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I also find it cringeworthy, both for the reason Elcheeko states and because it basically just seems like an excuse to recycle all the offensive jokes you can't use anymore because it's no longer acceptable to make Irish/Italian/Black/Asian/Blonde/Whatever jokes in public. So hey, everyone's against jihadists, right? So we can still insult THEM.
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Heisenberg
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Jihadists are ****ing deplorable. Are you suggesting that it's not okay to make fun of/mock/look down on them?

I don't know. I would say that it's a good thing that these jokes are being recycled to people that deserve them.

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Heisenberg
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Put another way, they're varelse. Do what needs to be done.

It obviously complicates things that they're hiding out among people are AREN'T sociopathic animals, but that doesn't change that the jihadists themselves are unforgivable.

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GaalDornick
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I think the critics here are taking this thread a bit too seriously. I could be mistaken, but I interpreted the OP's justification for this thread as being written with his tongue somewhat planted in his cheek. I don't think anyone expects this to diminish ISIS' recruiting propaganda.

Also, I absolutely recycled my joke and didn't expect anyone to think otherwise.

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kmbboots
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Mine was absolutely recycled. It is the only joke I ever tell. I usually just use a generic name instead of "jihadist".
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Heisenberg
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I also want to take exception to the idea that this is all just a "misunderstanding between cultures."

The hell with that. These people will put gays to death, they will besiege different religious sects on mountaintops, they will enforce female circumcision, they will say that democracy is anathema because it gives the possibility that their specific religious laws won't be the laws of the land. They enslave women as sexual slaves.

This is not a *misunderstanding.* Their views can not coexist with our culture. The people who truly and irrevocably believe this can not coexist with us, and we would be lesser people if we *allowed* them to coexist with us. They are truly varelse.

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Stone_Wolf_
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I stand by my decision to participate.

We should dishoner this act of cowardice.

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TomDavidson
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If I am convinced that someone is literally a deadly enemy who must be destroyed to preserve the lives of those I love, I will not mock him before destroying him. If I believe he can be destroyed through mockery, I do not believe he is literally a deadly enemy.
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Stone_Wolf_
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Says the man who mistrusts all cops...you have some strange beliefs there Tom
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Heisenberg
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That's fair enough, Tom. I respect that, and I respect your disagreement on the subject of mockery being a useful tool. Living in the UK and being in/around Muslim communities, I'm not sure that the point that jihadists are in some point made around the points of honor and martyrdom don't hold merit, but that's anecdotal, so I guess it doesn't really count.

I'm curious if you agree with ElJay that this is just a "cultural misunderstanding. "

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ElJay
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You keep putting words in quotes that I never said, and have nothing to do with what I did say. You do seem to enjoy arguing points that no one's making, though, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
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Heisenberg
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You know what? On reviewing the posts, you're correct. I mixed up what you were saying and what Elcheeko75 was saying.

I apologize.

Perhaps next time you can try to correct me instead of making broad swathe attacks on my character.

PS - Elcheeko75, that was a bizarre argument to make. Consider anything I said to ElJay to have been said to you, instead.

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Heisenberg
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quote:
Originally posted by ElJay:
I also find it cringeworthy, both for the reason Elcheeko states and because it basically just seems like an excuse to recycle all the offensive jokes you can't use anymore because it's no longer acceptable to make Irish/Italian/Black/Asian/Blonde/Whatever jokes in public. So hey, everyone's against jihadists, right? So we can still insult THEM.

In direct response to this, however, I am curious as to the point that you are trying to make.

Are the jokes themselves despicable enough that they should be retired forever due to their past?

Are the jihadists themselves not deserving of mockery and shaming? These people, with all of the evil that they have wilfully and gleefully down, who are looking to do more?

Is it a third option? Please, enlighten me.

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Samprimary
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a jihadist walks into this thread
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ElJay
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quote:
Originally posted by Heisenberg:
Perhaps next time you can try to correct me instead of making broad swathe attacks on my character.

Yeah, so, I'm not just talking about in this thread. You were doing it in the election thread here, you were doing it on sake. You are reacting to things no one in the thread is saying. I meant it when I said "points no one is making," Elcheekp75 didn't say what you were arguing against, either.

So I have absolutely no interest in discussing my viewpoints with you, specifically, because you seem incapable of responding to what the people you're talking to are saying instead of either what you've heard on other discussion boards or some made up conversation in your mind.

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Heisenberg
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"My problem is that attempting to solve problems that arise from massive misunderstandings between cultures"

Yeah, he totally NEVER said that. If you want to be forever hostile to me, ElJay, that's cool with me. I laid out the olive branch, both here and elsewhere, and if you want to piss on it because you think I'm a natural born asshole, I'll be damned if I care. Go **** yourself. I'll be who I be.

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ElJay
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"Problems that arise from."

'just a "cultural misunderstanding. "'

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Samprimary
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*explosion*
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Heisenberg
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Look on the list above of what they do.

I genuinely give zero shits about why they do what they do, it's enough that they do it.

Problems that arise from a cultural misunderstanding, a cultural misunderstanding, who gives a shit? They're forcibly cutting the clitoreses of of girls in their territory and selling "heathens" that they've caught in their territories into sexual slavery. As in, "You're this man's possession now, he can **** you as and when he pleases, give your self up to his dick, praise Allah."

There is no *misunderstanding* there. They believe what they believe, we believe what we believe, and they? They are varelse.

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TomDavidson
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The way I look at it, spending energy to identify which people aren't worthy of being considered human enough to be treated like humans misses the point -- which is that the way we treat our enemies says far less about our enemies than it does us.

If we are willing to torture someone because we consider him -- rightly or wrongly -- a terrible threat and a creature undeserving of decency, all that really means is that we're the sort of person willing to torture someone. Any time you need to preface a defense of your actions with "well, this person I'm doing it to is a really terrible person," you should probably stop and rethink.

Note that I'm not suggesting that mockery is a fair equivalent to torture. Everyone who knows me knows that I love mockery. It is both an effective and relatively harmless rhetorical tool and, when done well, a thing of beauty in itself. But it seems to me that when you say "it's okay for me to tell these insulting jokes about jihadis because they deserve to be insulted," you're actually making a much broader statement about your own character than perhaps intended.

[ September 15, 2016, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]

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Elcheeko75
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"this is all just a "misunderstanding between cultures."

"Attempting to solve problems that arise from massive misunderstandings between cultures by appealing to an adolescent sense of humor..."

One of these things I actually wrote. One of them you wrote and then chose to find bizarre and infuriating and worthy of a three post rant. Do you honestly not see the distinction between those two statements? At no point did I imply any of the following:

Jihadists are anything but deplorable.
Jihadists are deserving of sympathy.
That we should somehow find a way to coexist with jihadists.

It's called a straw man.

I'm not going to bother responding to your specific points because they have almost nothing to do with what I said.
If you would care to discuss what was actually said in my post or in the posts I was responding to, I'll be happy to participate.

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Heisenberg
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I don't care to respond, thanks. There is no excuse. If you care to go forth on how your mystical cultural misunderstanding either A) Excuses their crimes or B) Villainizes making jokes about shitheads, then, go ahead.


My problem is that attempting to solve problems that arise from massive misunderstandings between cultures
Otherwise, by all, means, go ahead. You'll, only be making a sympathizer of monsters out of yourself.

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Heisenberg
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And to honestly answer your question, no.

I don't see the difference.

I couldn't give less of a shit why the monsters do why they do. I care that they do it, and I care that their God is telling them to do it.


There is no misunderstanding. They got it wrong. They ****ed up. Both they and their belief system are MONSTROUS and if it wasn't for the fact that they were dialed into their beliefs enough that they would literally *blow themselves up in order to kill the unbelievers*, I might be more open to opening a dialogue.

Guess what? They're not open. It's Sharia law or **** all of us.

They are religious fanatics. I don't care what "misunderstanding" there was. They're raping women every day. There are some of them blowing them selves up every day. Honest to god, **** them, and be thankful when they group up away from the civilians so we can kill them more then one at a time.

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Elcheeko75
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The difference is that in your imaginary version of what I said, I was somehow justifying all those horrifying things you like to be mad about, when in actuality my whole point was that ridicule of the type that this thread really quickly devolved to makes it easier for jihadists to recruit young people and brainwash them until they're willing to do all these horrifying things that you like to be mad about.
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Mucus
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I would personally submit that the kind of person would commit terrorist acts over the lame jokes here would probably have done it sooner or later.
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Stone_Wolf_
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*Popcorn eating emoticon*
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Darth_Mauve
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Here is what I am trying to do.

Recycle offensive jokes that have a history of hate and prejudice--yes. I want to take them away from jokes about peoples faith, ethnicity, skin color, hair color, sexual orientation, and apparently, college preference, and turn them against people who deserve it, not because of cultural differences--these are not about Muslims or Brown People--but because of decisions that are a direct violent threat against every other culture. Take a Blonde joke targeting people based on the color of the hair they were born with, and turn them against people who choose to murder children.

Save lives--because anyone who joins a Jihadist group is going to die soon. Whether its in the field of battle, or in prison, or as part of a guided munition sent out to murder others. If these jokes take hold and become a meme, a narrative, a warning that only losers join ISIS,etc. then maybe a few less people will join up. Maybe just one less.

This will not stop the Jihadist, but it is as much as I can do to battle them. So joke up and spread the jokes, spread the narrative, spread the idea not that Jihadists are monsters. Spread the idea that Jihadists are the most pathetic of losers.

These are not jokes against a culture or its people. These are jokes against a wrong decision and the heretical, self-indulgent, anti-Islamic, stupid people who continue to make that decision.

This is a direct attack on the recruitment efforts of organizations willing to sacrifice the lives of those they fool into joining, and the lives of innocents, children, elderly, and defenseless, just to make a point that they are scary.

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Elcheeko75
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I got that from your OP, and as I said in my second post in the thread, I seriously doubt the effectiveness of this ridicule to do the things you say you want it to do (attack and diminish the recruiting efforts of terrorists) and not exacerbate the issue. That's cool. We disagree. My other problem with the thread, and the thing that made me immediately uncomfortable was that, in short order, the jokes went from ripoffs of lame jokes about Aggies, to hitting on some of the same trite generalizations that bigots are right now more than happy to apply to all Muslims. I get your intentions and I acknowledge that you specified that this should be done with surgical precision. I just don't think its possible. I also don't believe that turning scorn towards the monsters is as much as I or anyone can do to battle terrorists.
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Stone_Wolf_
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How would you battle terrorists?
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Elcheeko75
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I'd start by doing whatever I can to counter the perception that everyone in the west hates or mistrusts Muslims.
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