I've completely changed the beginning of my story based on the good advice of a few good folks here. The following is a fragment from the first chapter. The part I'm most interested in getting a response on is where Jay is reading a note left at his apartment. Mary is the mysterious woman. And through his travels he will meet several women who look just like her...he will eventually meet and marry Mary.
I made the changes based on some good advice, earlier in the chapter she complains about his dreams and his lack of commitment.
Did you ever come to a place in your life when you just knew you were at a crossroad? Time stood still as I sat there trying to figure out what I should do. I was ready to do something because until now…I had done nothing I could be proud of.
Who was I kidding? This was the opportunity of a lifetime and I knew it. I was afraid….maybe even terrified. I was only eighteen. It’s not fair that one should decide his who life in a moment and at such a young age.
It would mean that I could no longer live in this time line. I could only visit long enough to receive instructions and bring back what I had found.
For the rest of my life, with the exception of those short periods of time, I would live my life in the past.
They call us gofers. I guess because we go-for information. Mary called me a gofer. Somehow this job and the dreams of this mysterious woman were connected.
When I entered the bedroom a note was laying on the bed.
[I’m going home to stay with my mother. I know you don’t want to marry me. I’m tired of wasting my time - Judy. PS, don’t try to call me.]
I checked the closets. All her stuff was gone. I guess I should have seen this coming.
[This message has been edited by Judas (edited May 07, 2005).]
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