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i need someone to read my story. it's about 800 words in and even i can see it's going nowhere. i need some advice from a real writer so if anyone wants to help me tell me and i'll send it to you. thanks.
Posts: 136 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
800 words? I'll read it if you send it my way. I can't guarrantee the 'real writer' part, but maybe I can help.
Posts: 39 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
ive sent it to noctivigant. and here are the first few lines of the story for whoever wants them.
Pirate Notra Turkana wasn't accustomed to the lonely life his campaign brought to him but hopefully after today others would feel compelled to fight the cause with him. Notra had found out that Maxal Piuntryl, the Commander of the European Union Fleet, was conspiring with the leader of a secret organization based on Mars, holding blackmail over the Vikings and with complete disregard for the European Unions interests. Now if he could present this information to as many people as possible at once, hopefully he would be able to recruit at least one ship worth of Pirates.
posted
Send it my way. I'll see if I can give you any ideas for where to turn next. Plot twists are my specialty. Controlling them and keeping the plot-bunny population down, not so much my thing... Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2007
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i'm on th wrong computer at the moment but i will snd it to you asap DD. just wondering, what's this idea of long or short sentences being more (suspenseful?) than the other. I was just reading my first thirteen lines from before (it has been changed since in accord with Noctivigants suggestions) and it's quite drainy.
Posts: 136 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Just a thought. You've got quite a bit of information there in those few lines without involving the reader much in the story. Maybe it'd start easier for you if you tried showing that stuff instead of glossing over it.
You could have the pirate doing something lonely, frustrated people do, finds out from a buddy what Maxall's up to, then he and the buddy trying to figure out what to do about it.
I do that. Sometimes it's like the characters will tell me what's gonna happen instead of the other way around and the story is off and running. Of course I haven't read the rest of what you've got there and I could simply be attempting to communicate through my rectal area.
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