Beauty and the Geek

It was with some trepidation that James opened the door at the top of the attic stairs and entered his dad’s workshop. Dad had passed away just one month previously when an experiment he was conducting went wrong. James cautiously walked over to the test bench and peered at the mass of cables and coils. He remembered the lightning bolt it had generated and how his father was thrown across the room. He’d rushed to his father’s side as he lay on the floor, straining to hear what he was murmuring. Dad had become silent and slipped away before the ambulance arrived.

I think I'm confused by what strikes me as an anachronistic description of the lab/workshop. "Conducting an experiment," the cables, and a few other elements make me think of a crazy scientist's/inventor's space in some 50's movie, as in Disney's (?) original "Nutty Professor," or Doc Brown's garage in the 1955 portion of "Back to the Future." Perhaps because of these associations for me, I can't escape what I feel is a comedy element to the setting, when I'm pretty sure that wasn't your intent.

For me, as a reader who doesn't know much about your story at this point, I suppose this would be cleared up either by some reference to time (if it is, in fact, a 1950's setting) or by updating the environment to feel more modern (if it's not set in the 50's).

I can't really suggest what might work better for me as a reader -- just that on my own first reading, I can't escape a feeling that this must have been about 50 years ago.

Also: "lightning bolt" strikes me as a bit out of place. While I believe I know what you mean, I would think a "lightning bolt" is clearly a natural phenomenon, triggered primarily by atmospheric/meteorological circumstances and occuring outdoors. In a workshop setting, I would personally describe it probably as an electrical arc, high-voltage discharge, or something else. Of course, describing it from a child's POV, lightning bolt may indeed make the most sense.

Seem to me that this is a prime example of the writer's challenge in describing his/her vision to a reader who comes to the story with his/her own boatload of memories and associations.

MC probably knows what Dad was up to, or at least a little more detail than "an experiment." Imagine it fully, then tell us what MC knows.

You immediately go into flashback. This suggests you're starting the story in the wrong place. You might start it with finding Dad dead. If your story's going to be funny, you can skip the whole thing in one clause, and not need a flashback: "Ever since Dad had electrocuted himself in another of his quantum resonance jello experiments, James had been reluctant to enter the lab." Done.

From what you said, I can see ways it can be improved, finding the viewpoints of others vital.

Many thanks again, and a re-write will occur soon-ish.

Phil