Three thin grey shadows mellowed on the creamy curves of desert sand. The exaggeratedly elongated shadows formed the union of my father, mother, and older sister. My own slight nine-year old shadow lay hooked to my feet some way behind the others. My insomnious body trudged on reluctantly as the meager shreds of sunlight filtered through the clouds, barely lit up the coming day.

It's hard for me to judge this as a college app material. How hifalutin is the college, and are you planning a creative writing major, or English, or something else? At my college, we'd be happy at your apparently flawless grasp of mechanics, and your ability to think in metaphor, and to put emotion in.

If this were pop fiction, though, I'd say it's sort of tough going. I had to work to get through the descriptions to what you were showing. (Maybe this is a plus in college apps?)

Oops. Now I get it. Thing is, you're writing a nonfiction bio as if it were creative fiction. I don't know your admissions board, but I wouldn't. I'd do plain, expository writing, without an attempt to be artistic -- like a newspaper article or column. Facts, and everything reaching to the appropriate conclusion, which is that you'd be a good student at Georgetown.

But from a technical standpoint, the repetition of "shadow" in each of the first three sentences doesn't work for me, and nor did "insomnious", and nor did the idea of "spitting" a look.
And I think you should use "lighting" rather than "lit" at the end of the first paragraph, unless you hive it off separately.

My impression of this is that you are simply trying too hard to write it and give it "color" and as a result you are tripping over your own prose. Write it simply. Less is more:

"My insomnious body trudged on reluctantly as the meager shreds of sunlight filtered through the clouds, barely lit up the coming day."

How about:

There are times it is to your benefit to swim against the current, and other times it's best to go with the flow. Go with the accepted format. Save the creative nonfiction in your writing for your creative writing class.

As for your narrative, the only thing that I didn't like was all the adjectives. Too thick to wade through while I was trying to see what the point of it all was.

Good luck! Georgetown University is a tough school to get into, as I understand it.

The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either autobiographical or creative, which you feel best describes you. (limit 3700 characters)

The reason I say that is because you start out talking about how there is no trace of you left in the world and I don't think that that topic is big and significant enough as far as dealing with what the college wants to know about you. I do think you should include it, just maybe not as a start. Plus, it doesn't flow as well into the background of your life.

What it looks like you want to do here is introduce a scene that tells a bit about you in present tense. Then you want to do a little self-analysis. I think its a good idea. However, I think the guys on here may have scared your emotion off a bit too much. There are some parts where I still feel like I can reach in and understand you while in other parts I feel like its a bland history.