Tran watched the mist swirl from the wet tree bark as Myla swam tiredly through the cloud-shrouded sky. Tran had been walking for miles and was exhausted. He squinted his eyes, peering as far forward as he could into the fog, then wearily shifted Arden’s weight across his shoulders. He slogged on through the thick leaves and bracken underfoot. A tree loomed up directly in front of Tran. He corrected his course a bit to go around it and then stopped. The S-curve of the trunk andthe unusual knob on one side struck a chord of recognition. Tran gratefully slid Arden from his shoulders to the ground between the old tree’s roots. He stepped to the back of the tree and began to thrust his hands into the forest of nettles and twigs that had sprung up behind the tree.

Within the first few lines I was puzzled as to why Tran would be watching fog coming from some tree bark, wouldn't he be watching his step and if the cloud was so thick, and why is he carrying Arden? Also too, you refer to Myla "swimming," through some fog. Do you mean Myla is flying?

All in all it reads like an interesting start to a well thought out world though, it just needs some tweaks to get the balance right between description and action.

You should immediately establish that Tran is walking, which helps avoid the impression that he is an arboreal creature resting in the tree with the wet bark. You should also find a way to specify that Myla is a moon (or the local star, if that's the case). And you should mention Arden's relationship to Tran, and possibly why Tran is carrying him[?].

I would regard the above suggestions as a bare minimum of POV information that is simply necessary. My preference would be for a good deal more. For instance, when you mention the "S-curve of the trunk...struck a chord of recognition" I would prefer that you immediately say what Tran recognized it as rather than withholding that POV information for later, but that's just a personal feeling.

Tran squinted his eyes, peering as far forward as he could into the fog which rose from the forest floor. Then he wearily shifted Arden’s wounded body across his shoulders and took a few steps forward. A tree loomed up in front of Tran. He corrected his course a bit to go around it and then stopped. He thought he recognized the S-curve of the trunk and the unusual knob on one side.

Tran slid Arden from his shoulders to the ground between the old tree’s roots. He stepped to the back of the tree and began to thrust his hands into the forest of nettles there.

After a moment of searching, Tran gave a wrench and a solid panel came away in his hands. He stuck his head in the opening and surveyed the little wooden hut hidden in the thicket of nettles.

And welcome, I am a new member too and I think yours is only the third critique I have written.

As I said, you might change your request to having the first chapter read too. I'm really busy at the moment so I couldn't do any editing this week, but if nobody responds to your request between now and a week from now, email me at jas23per@hotmail.com and we'll talk about some possibilities for me reviewing the first few thousand words or so.

Regarding your question to me: no, I don't think you ought to have to shoehorn in every available bit of info into the first 13! What I *do* think is that as soon as I have opportunity to wonder about something MC knows, I want you to tell me. I hate feeling confused about what s/he knows.

Let me make commentary (including wild speculations) on your text to show what I mean. I'm not trying to write your story, just to show how quickly I want info when I'm a reader.
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Tran, lordling of Poobah Manor, had been in the Wild Wood many times before; but never before fleeing for his life. [I now know who he is, why he's here, and whether he's familiar with his surroundings. I also know why I'd want to read: Tran's in danger.] Tran squinted his eyes, peering as far forward as he could into the fog which rose from the forest floor. Then he wearily shifted the wounded body of Arden, his half-elf wife who'd taken an arrow in Poobah Manor's defense, and took a few steps forward. [I don't have to wonder who Arden is or why he's carrying her; I know.] He was close to where he'd hidden the magic toy hut the wizard Fooey had made to jump and land on Poobah's enemies. [I know exactly what he's looking for now.] He thought he recognized ...

So I still don't know a lot; but everything you brought up, I understand. That's what I want as a reader.
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Survivor, I didn't think wbriggs was making fun of me, but thanks for the clarification. I was just honestly requesting more information. I thought maybe having all of that information in the first 13 lines was a cardinal rule of writing someone had forgotten to tell me. I really do appreciate all the critique and advice.

Everyone, please let me know what you think of the rewrite and if it now provides enough info to get you interested.

Tran had to find the hut. He knew it was hidden somewhere close. It was the only place that would afford he, a traitor to the vicious Ruka race, safety. It would also provide Arden, the leader of the Morg resistance and a thorn in the Ruka's hide for years, a place to heal after her many brutal weeks in the Ruka death camp.

Tran squinted his eyes, peering as far forward as he could into the fog which rose from the forest floor. Then he wearily shifted Arden’s wounded body across his shoulders and took a few steps forward. A tree loomed up in front of Tran. He corrected his course a bit to go around it and then stopped. He thought he recognized the S-curve of the trunk and the unusual knob on one side.

[This message has been edited by Angfla (edited March 17, 2006).]

I think you are heading in the right direction with this opening now.

Good job.

Solid, engaging POV helps the reader feel connected to a character right from the outset. Vacuous, shallow POV leaves us asking what the hell is going on. On the other hand, over expositive writing that violates POV in the interest of force feeding us information makes us wonder why the hell we should care.

Tran had to find the hut. It was he and Arden’s only chance to escape the Ruka soldiers, which Tran knew were close, just a day or two behind. They would not let Tran’s act of treachery go unpunished.

He heard Arden groan and gritted his teeth. He was sure she would die from what the Ruka had done to her those weeks in the death camp. He cursed the Ruka, cursed the bad luck that had brought Arden into his life, cursed the decision he had made to help her escape. How could he have been foolish enough to believe that he could snatch the leader of the Morg resistance from under the Ruka’s very noses and live?

It's okay, your physical setting is very basic, just a mist shrouded forest. "Tran stumbled over the uneven forest floor, a wearying task between the ground-hugging fog and Arden's dead weight." Then you can talk about how he needs to find the hut and all. Of course, my opening line makes certain implications that you might find unsuitable to the story you're telling. For one thing, I imply that Arden is both totally unconscious and fairly heavy...she might be feverish or much too light to be a physical burden. I also imply that Tran is physically tired and moving fairly slowly, but you seem to suggest that in your previous versions.

Physical surroundings aren't always very important, but you usually need to mention them just so that the reader can see the context in which the character's mental activity is taking place. If they're not important, just mention that the POV doesn't care. But you still should mention them. After all, knowing what kind of surroundings would be considered uninteresting by that character is a juicy tidbit of character info.