Aspen turned to his left and noted the concern on Balen’s face. Looking to his right he was amazed at just how much Dauntar’s smirk didn’t surprise him. Noticing Aspen’s uncertainty Dauntar’s eyes briefly flooded with empathy—briefly.

Dauntar always seemed to share his thoughts and as if reading his mind said, “I’ll rally the soldiers that we have here in the city. We need to send a message to Turgoet, he still has contacts in the capital.”

...turning to Aspen he (Dauntar) added, “with your leave of course, My Lord.” Aspen rolled his eyes in mock frustration at the appellation.

I'll try to answer the specific question you've asked. To be honest, I was very distracted by trying to visualize how these characters are arranged and through whose eyes we were seeing from one sentence to the next. I was too confused to think about who's who at this point. You've got me too busy trying to figure out who's where!

Let's see... Aspen is in the middle, Balen is to his left, Dauntar is on Aspen's right... Is this correct? Does it matter? (If not, then why reference their location relative to each other at all?)

We're in Aspen's point-of-view at first... then, mid-paragraph, we seem to shift to Dauntar's POV. Next paragraph, back to Aspen's (I think) -- but then Dauntar speaks...

...and after speaking, he turns to Aspen-- Wait a minute. He turns to Aspen? Wasn't he (Dauntar, right?) looking at Aspen a moment earlier when he noticed his (Aspen's, right?) uncertainty?

Also, can one really be "amazed" at how much something doesn't surprise one? That seems oxymoronic to me.

Isn't this sentence redundant? "Dauntar always seemed to share his thoughts and as if reading his mind said..."

Jumping back a moment, could one's eyes really flood with empathy "briefly" (must have been a flash flood) if he's always sharing another's thoughts? The definition of empathize is "to understand and share the feelings of another," so in effect, you tell me three times that there's an empathetic connection between the two... and yet the empathy was brief.

I get the impression from the fact that you parenthesized one character's name that you're somewhat aware of how confusing this all might be. For me, however, who you're referring to is clarified at the one point where I actually don't need clarification, and at which I've lost interest anyway.

Okay, unsolicited input aside, what I can tell about these three from this fragment is very little. To me, Balen = CONCERNED GUY ON LEFT, Dauntar = COCKY BRUTE WHO DEFERS PERFUNCTORILY BUT REALLY THINKS HE SHOULD BE RUNNING THE SHOW HIMSELF, and Aspen = I'M REALLY NOT SURE. (Does it mean anything that he (Aspen) is in the middle? Is that a metaphor for his (Apsen's) attitude/character/thoughts/anything?)

Make of this feedback what you will. I understand that this is not the first thirteen lines, so maybe by the time a reader gets to this point, all will be clear. For me, however, it is the first thirteen lines, and I'm feeling way too lost to try to find the fourteenth.

KMB