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He was standing in dung. He didn’t dare look down because Papa bull had caught his eye and wanted to dance. For Tyler this was one of those moments. Ten feet from the beast so close he could smell its musty breath. He had to hold it for a few more second or he couldn’t get what he came for… No, not the perfect National Geographic shot. No, the feel of danger, the kiss of the dark sleep, a tight brush with the other side. “T. are you nuts? That beast is ready to charge get outta there” came whispered in his ear. But Tyler didn’t move, didn’t blink as he absorbed the experience. He was in no real danger. He could never be in danger. Not in the way his assistant in the truck thought. Tyler knew the bull would back off and move away. But what if the impossible happened? What
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited September 06, 2006).]
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The probable reason you have not recieved any comments has to do with your deviation from hatrack format. 13 lines, manuscript. Delete everything after bull and you'll be fine.
Posts: 67 | Registered: Mar 2006
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No, that's not it. Besides, there's an appearance of the word "bull" in the second line
POV, characterization, narrative order, plausibility, milieu, grammar...you just don't give us any reason to believe that there's any point in reading further. By the way, I'm an official unbeliever when it comes to grammar. The only time I ever got kicked off a forum, it was by a professional grammarian. Wasn't kicked off for my grammar, but it had been mentioned
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