I always knew I was destined for great things. Dude, I'm me, after all. Still, the twists and turns that my life has taken have surprised even me. Zombies? Werewolves and vampires? It's probably the only thing in the known universe I didn't worry about on a regular basis. Go figure.
I've always believed in better living through chemistry, so to speak, but nevertheless, everyone that knew me was shocked when I enrolled at the university. Major? Organic chemistry, natch. See, here's my theory: Designer recreational drugs are making money hand over fist, and I want some. Money, I mean. I stay away from doing my own product. I know too many guys so caught up in the merchandise, that they stopped being businessmen and just became hopeless junkies. I wanted to do it

This opening is being told, not shown, and as a result moves very slowly. There is some information, but little or no hook. There is no conflict.

I was left wondering why the MC should or should not be afraid of vampires, werewolves and zombies. This is never made clear.

“It's probably the only thing …” begs the question: What’s ‘It?’ The monstrous precedents would be plural ‘they’ and context doesn’t quite fit. I don’t think there’s enough of a connection to the next paragraph to answer the question. I went reading into the 2nd paragraph still wondering about ‘It,’ then I had to reset and reread.

Monsters in the first paragraph hook a little, but they’re really dismissed. They set a fantasy background, but don’t appear to have a part in the story. The end of the second paragraph starts into the story of a drug producer/dealer that doesn’t really hook me, though it may get to others. The real hook connects to the first word of the title – how is recreational drug chemistry going to go wrong?

Looking for readers? I’ll offer.

If you need any readers, I volunteer, too.

Some nits:
Dude, I'm me...I would switch to "Hey, ..." or something. Maybe "Hey - this is ME we're talking about here..." or something like that.

You know the passage from zombies, werewolves and vampires to the next sentence is tricky. What is it that is probably the only thing I don't worry about?

Designer recreational drugs was a mouthful. I know it's a somewhat normal term, but how about just designer drugs? We'll get the "recreational" connotation from the better living through chemistry and other bits.

I suggest a new paragraph for "I stay away from my own product." That's an important thought and it gets lost in the middle of this paragraph.

Here's two lines from the first paragraph.

1) I always knew I was destined for great things. Dude, I'm me, after all.

2) It's probably the only thing in the known universe I didn't worry about on a regular basis. Go figure.

The first line sounds very very self confident, full of bravado, like the kind of person who refers to themself in the third person. The second makes me think of Woody Allen.

Which one is it, deb?

Jayson Merryfield

As people have mentioned, the use of "dude" is a little odd. I wouldn't say it is bad itself but it feels like it is out of place. It seems like there are almost two narrators; the normal one (as represented in sentences 1, 3, 4, etc) and the California beach bum turned drug dealer (as represented phrases like "due" and "natch").

It does set the story up for a nice fantastical tale, however, and helps convey that this guy is smart yet "street," in that late 80's/early 90's sort of way. It is odd, but I think forgivable and accomplishes what you are looking for.

One other thing, however, is I was terribly confused by:

"It's probably the only thing in the known universe I didn't worry about on a regular basis"

What is "it's" referring to? His life? Zombies?

And on a totally different note, I am slightly curious as to if you have read H.P. Lovecraft's "The Alchemist." I was reminded of it while reading your first 13.

I don't host by blog on Blogger, although I use their blogging services. This is the link to your submission.

I didn't offer to read your story when you posted here to F&F because I was busy and because it didn't sound like it was my style. I'm glad I read it, though -- it's a hoot. Good luck with publication.