A few suggestions, mostly having to do with saying exactly what you mean instead of approximately what you mean, and making the effort to completely visualize your scene.Rainwater spattered lightly against the windshield as I turned into home. >>You didn't turn into home, you turned into the driveway.
Toys and bicycles were scattered across the driveway and I did my best to avoid running over them. >>More than one toy and one bicycle is going to block the drive. He's going to have to stop well away from the garage or else get out and move the stuff.
The brakes squealed as the car ground to a halt, and I sat there, silent for a moment, not sure if I was ready to go inside. >>After you slow enough to turn into your driveway, you can't make brakes squeal no matter how quickly you stop.
I looked down at my watch and groaned. >>A person in a car will usually look at the radio clock rather than at a watch.
The shiny metal of the door handle was cold. >> What light is shining on the door handle, what would an outside door handle be other than metal, and why does he notice his own door handle?
God is in the details. Good luck with WOTF.
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