I'm new here, but I'd appreciate any thoughts/comments on my first 13. The story ("Saturn's Rings") is finished at 8600 words, and I am working on revising/rewriting it. Since it is finished, I would like some readers, if anyone is interested (though I am not sure what the procedure for that is).

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Michael awoke, stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving fixed in the dark. He saw that cold expanse, and as his mind lingered still on the edge of dream he thought he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns. Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved.
Then the fog of sleep swirled away and away, and he remembered he was safely behind the glass, but something of the dream remained. A twilight strangeness. He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. Trying to shake the feeling, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, looked around. The cabin was still dim, lit only by blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the surly smell of bodies and confined spaces hung in the stale air, pumped out through the heating vents. And the strangeness remained.

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Thanks.

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I like it, but take a look at the last sentence.

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I am not being mean.
Once you've been here awhile you will laugh at your own first 13.
My very first post had my MC waking up in a confused state. Everyone jumped down my throat for daring to start with such a cliche. But mine was different, I thought.(no, it was not) I was hurt by the reaction of my fellow writers until I had read about ten others that started this way(In just a few months).
It is ALWAYS a cliche to start this way. You can argue that it is a legitimate way to start the story, or that you don't care if it gets published, but the fact remains that the waking MC scenario is too cliche. Editors will throw your manuscript away unread and Hatrackers will not offer to read your story. Go back along the threads and almost every first time poster starts that way...Once.

At this point of your story, It doesnt look like its fundamental to have the fact that he just woke up in there. I'd try and work it out. the last sentence hints to me that his "strangness" might be from the stale air pumped into the room as opposed to his sleeping.

Here's my take
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Michael awoke, stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving fixed in the dark(your sentence contradicts; Is he staring at the blackness, or at the stars?). He saw that cold expanse,(lose the ",". also, This sentence suggests hes not really looking at the stars) and as his mind lingered still(lose "still") on the edge of dream (, where) he thought (lose "he thought")he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns. Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved (this is kind of poetic, but i stumbled on it a while to make sense of it).
Then the fog of sleep swirled away and away, and he remembered he was safely behind the glass, but something of the dream remained (I find this sentence long, and it reminds me that he was sleeping, which I don't care about anymore). A twilight strangeness. He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. Trying to shake the feeling, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, looked around (He was still lying down while looking outside? I had assumed he was already up. If you continue with the awaking up scenario, IMHO, you should make note that he is looking through an overhead window or something. (new para?)The cabin was still (still implies it wasnt at one point, then was, and still is. There is no time we know of that it wasn't dim. In other words, lose "still" ;op . Something to keep in mind in the future) dim, lit only by blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold,(trade "," for "." and the surly smell of bodies and confined spaces hung in the stale air, pumped out through the heating vents(this is how I would write the previous sentence; "It was cold. The surly smell of bodies in the confined sapce hung in the stale air"). And(lose "and") the strangeness remained.
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The second last sentence seemed to run on a bit. I do like the story so far, a bit of a hook as to where is he and why, which some may say should be alluded to a bit in the first thirteen. I don't mind it myself. I would definetely try and lose the whole sleeping scenario. Even having him just lying there staring into space would make a better opener. I wouldn't think "Oh another sleep beginning."

Good work on the whole!

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Michael stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving fixed in the dark. Laying there and seeing that cold expanse, he felt like he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns. Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved.
He was no stranger to the feeling of the vastness, the void, but today was different. It was a twilight strangeness. He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. To shake the feeling he sat up in his bed compartment, rubbed his eyes, looked away from the window beside his pillow. The cabin around him was dim, lit only by blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the surly smell of bodies and small spaces hung in the stale air. The strangeness remained.
Maybe it was because he was coming home to a home he had never seen, never known, and didn’t want to know.

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Edit: To take out ellipsis(...), which was only there to indicate that the paragraph continues; it is not included in the actual story.

I understand the meaning of each word yet together the meaning is elusive. It seems needlessly poetic and makes the narrator stand out for a moment. I would avoid such things.

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Michael stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving fixed in the dark. Laying there and seeing that cold expanse, he felt (like-cut) he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns (He is isn't he? It's just he is INSIDE a ship doing exactly that.). Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved (too poetic and abstract).
He was no stranger to the feeling of the vastness, (the void--cut), but today was different. It was a twilight strangeness (unsure what this means--I can guess, but it requires me stop reading momentarily). He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. To shake the feeling he sat up in his bed compartment, rubbed his eyes, and(add) looked away from the window beside his pillow. The cabin (around him-cut) was (dim-cut), lit only by dim(add) blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the surly(?--strange use) smell of bodies and small spaces hung in the stale air. The strangeness remained.
Maybe it was because he was (coming home--cut) going(add) to a home he had never seen, never known and didn’t want to know.

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This is much better than the original.

1) This is more than 13 lines (by one line).

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Michael stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving why not "unmoving stars"? This is the first place where the effort to be poetic feels forced fixed<-omit. You already said "unmoving". At the very least, put a comma before it in the dark. Laying Lay and lie are often confused, but this is another error that some slush pile readers (who are just looking for an excuse) will reject a story over. It's worth getting right--in this case Lying there and seeing that cold expanse, he felt like he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns. Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved. What Skadder said.
He was no stranger to the [feeling of] What does this mean here? "Vastness" and "void" are not feelings the vastness, the void, but today was different. It was a twilight strangeness. He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. To shake the feeling he sat up in his bed compartment, rubbed his eyes, and looked away from the window word choice? If he's in space, in some sort of ship or space station, I'd expect "porthole" or something. I also wouldn't expect each bed to have one beside it, though you never know beside his pillow. The cabin around him was dim, lit only by blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the surly interesting word, but I don't quite see how it fits here smell of bodies and small spaces hung in the stale redundant air. The strangeness remained.
Maybe it was because he was coming home to a home he had never seen, never known, and didn’t want to know.

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The writing, though, is good. Just be careful not to overdo it.

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Michael stared out at the blackness of space, at the stars unmoving(,) fixed in the dark. Laying there and seeing that cold expanse, he felt like he was floating in the empty gulfs between the suns (wait, I thought he was in the blackness of space looking at distant stars...most people don't switch between stars and suns, using sun for close, star for far). Alone and adrift in a barrenness bereaved. (agree with previous poster - very poetic, which is generally out of place in sci-fi)
He was no stranger to the feeling of the vastness, the void, but today was different. It was a twilight strangeness. (these previous two sentences set up his out-of-whack feeling well) He seemed out-of-place, off-balance. (this one just sort of bludgeons the reader with the strangeness) To shake the feeling he sat up in his bed compartment, rubbed his eyes, looked away from the window beside his pillow. The cabin around him was dim, lit only by blue lights along the aisle floor. (good description, I have a very strong sense of where he is already with only a few words) Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the surly smell of bodies and small spaces hung in the stale air. The strangeness remained.
Maybe it was because he was coming home to a home he had never seen, never known, and didn’t want to know. (this is a strong hook, but...um, if he's out in the stars - how close to a planet IS he? Most orbit stars rather closely...I guess I suggest you set up the vista he has when he looks out first. Also, something to consider - most current spacecraft have few ways to view outside. I would think it would be quite a luxury to have your own porthole on a spacecraft, at least any I can imagine. To have one in your bunk - a room you share with at least one other person - seems a little odd. Just some thoughts. Feel free to take or leave them.)

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Here's my second revision:

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Michael stared out at the blackness of space and at the stars fixed in the dark. Lying there and seeing that cold expanse, he felt he was floating, alone and adrift, in the barren gulfs between distant suns.
He was no stranger to the feeling of the void’s burden, its vastness. But today was different, like he was wandering in a hollow twilight. Maybe it was because he was coming home to a home he had never seen, never known, and didn’t want to know.
Trying to shake the feeling, he sat up in his bed compartment, rubbed his eyes, and looked away from the window beside his pillow. The cabin was lit only by dim, blue lights along the aisle floor. Across from Michael a man murmured in his sleep. It was cold, and the ripe smell of bodies and small spaces hung in the air.

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You should also be able to tell by properly formatting your manuscript (i.e., 12 pt Courier, 1 inch margins) in your word processor. Those 13 lines are all that should appear on your first page. (Actually, the box gives you a tiny bit of leeway, because the paragraphs aren't indented.)