As one that hasn't fallen for your trick of feeding all the hatrackers with mind controlling bakery goods, you can trust I will give you an honest accessment.

Stromael looked to his left, then his right, then raised an eyebrow.
One too many 'his' and 'then'. How about...

Stromael looked to his left, then right, and raised an eyebrow

“Trolls, this near to the sea? Unusual indeed.
Are you sure you wanted this rhyme? It gives it that grim fairy tale feeling.

The five hulking, stony brutes surrounding him made no reply,
A good place for a period.

merely moved in closer,
Then change this to They moved in close

hefting stone or wooden clubs.
Which is it?

Not a one of them
How about simply None

stood less than half again as tall as Stromael;
This reads like double speak. How about...
stood half as tall as Stromael

A smile was on his face,
How about simply He smiled

Intriguing for a first draft. Good luck with it.

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Stromael looked [to his left, then his right,<--[Why not just tell us what he's looking at?] then raised an eyebrow<--[This seems to be a nonchalant reaction for five "hulking", armed brutes].
“Trolls, this near to the sea? Unusual indeed. What can have brought you so far from the hills and mountains?”
The five [hulking,<--[Choose one. With the following, the other will be assumed.]-->stony] brutes surrounding him [made no reply, merely<--[IMHO - delete this, it is not needed.] moved in closer, hefting [either an a needs to be here, or an..] stone[s needs to be here.] or wooden clubs.<--[What race is Stromael? Is there a natural enmity between his race and the troll?] One held a great granite axe. [Not a one of them stood less than<--[Maybe, it would be clearer like: The shortest stood] half again as tall as Stromael; the two largest were over ten feet.<--[This really makes me wonder what I should be imagining Stromael as.]
Stromael threw back the hood of the dark, weather-beaten cloak he wore over his white, blue and grey garments.[Huh? He was wearing a cloak?] A smile was on his face, and the wind blew through his raven dark hair, streaked with cloud-grey and lightning-white. [PoV?]

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A little cleaner and this would be interesting.

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This seems to be a nonchalant reaction for five "hulking", armed brutes

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Its easy to be nonchalant when you can call a hurricane out of a clear sky and that sort of thing :-)

Character development, anyone? :::-)

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Choose one. With the following, the other will be assumed

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Why would stony be assumed from hulking or vice versa? the two are mostly unrelated. I wish to make it clear that they are large (hulking) and made or covered with rock (stony)

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Maybe, it would be clearer like: The shortest stood]

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Good idea, thanks.

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either an a needs to be here, or an..] stone[s needs to be here.]

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I'm not sure I understand this one. Your saying it needs to be "hefted an stone or wooden clubs" or "hefted stones and wooden clubs?"

They are holding clubs, some made of wood, some made of stone...was that not clear? I'm not being facetious I genuinly dont understand this comment.

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What race is Stromael? Is there a natural enmity between his race and the troll?]

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He's human, as far as I know. And no there isnt. Why do you ask?

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Huh? He was wearing a cloak?]

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So it would seem.

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PoV?]

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Can you clarify please? Just saying "PoV?" doesnt tell me much.

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Definitely getting a clear idea of the story to come here--very vivid beginning. I liked it. Reminded me of a McKinley short story or McKillip.

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Don't know either of those authors but I'll take it as a compliment.

The first sentence was awkard. I like Snapper's suggestion there.
The eyebrow raising, didnt bother me, it was as you suggested. I took it that there was a reason he wasnt worried. I felt it was good characterization.
The clubs, I understood it was some had stone ones and some had wood ones, but it did read strange. I would suggest hefting wooden and stone clubs. But that has its own problems, but I feel it would read easier.
The hieght thing did read odd to me as well.

POV? I thought we were clearly in Stromael's POV, until the last line. The smile on his face was fine. I would suggest jsut saying, He smiled. it was the raven-dark hair streaked with cloud-grey and lignthing white, that threw me off. While a great description. If we are in his POV he wouldnt likely think of himself and his description. Unless he is me, flexing in the mirror all the time. Does that make any sense? While an observer might see him like that, he porbably doesnt look at himself. I find it hard to describe an MC, while in his POV.

I hope this helps.

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POV? I thought we were clearly in Stromael's POV, until the last line. The smile on his face was fine. I would suggest jsut saying, He smiled. it was the raven-dark hair streaked with cloud-grey and lignthing white, that through me off. While a great description. If we are in his POV he wouldnt likely think of himself and his description. Unless he is me, flexing in the mirror all the time. Does that make any sense? While an observer might see him like that, he porbably doesnt look at himself. I find it hard to describe an MC, while in his POV.

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Well if thats the case you can't really describe the MC at all without leaving point of view a little. If anyone has any suggestions thats good and I will look it over during tweaking but honestly I don't know that its a big enough issue to worry much about...or that it'd be worth losing that nice little descreption over.

And remember...he isnt really describing himself...it isn't first person. He does know what he looks like though

He smiled. The wind blew through his raven dark hair, streaked with cloud-grey and lightning white.

Yes...I think some here obessess a little to much about point of view. My focus is on telling the story, and trying to make the reader see and feel whats happening. You don't want to ignore it, but you don't want to hamstring yourself worrying about it either.

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Its easy to be nonchalant when you can call a hurricane out of a clear sky and that sort of thing :-)

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He can call up a hurricane? Where's it say that?

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Why would stony be assumed from hulking or vice versa? the two are mostly unrelated. I wish to make it clear that they are large (hulking) and made or covered with rock (stony)

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In the sentence you were using it in, it was unclear that you were trying to show them as "rock-covered", as opposed to a "stony" countenace. And I--as I'm sure most readers of fantasy--wouldn't need to be told "hulking" to describe a ten-foot-tall troll.

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I'm not sure I understand this one. Your saying it needs to be "hefted an stone or wooden clubs" or "hefted stones and wooden clubs?"

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Hmm..is it an intentional miscontrument? Because, I said

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...hefting [either an a needs to be here, or an...] stone[s needs to be here.] or wooden clubs

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Which would look, properly, like:
...hefting a stone or wooden clubs. OR ...hefting stones or wooden clubs.

Make more sense now?

And, I didn't get that they were stone clubs and wooden clubs until you said something. (That means it's unclear prose.)

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He's human, as far as I know. And no there isnt. Why do you ask?

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Well, if there isn't a natural enmity between humans and trolls, why would the trolls just attack him? Seems...stereotypical/cliche.

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So it would seem.

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No, you're not being facetious... (So, how would anyone see an eyebrow raise?)

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Can you clarify please? Just saying "PoV?" doesnt tell me much.

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Most people who've posted at least one fragment for feedback understand that the letters P, O and V stand for Point of View--which, when followed by a question mark means the Point of View is unclear. If anymore clarification is needed, there are a plethora of How to Write... books out there.

Now I recall why I avoid wasting time commenting on your thirteens, thanks for the reminder.

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited June 16, 2008).]

About POV, I think with the style here, it's fairly acceptable to write what he looks like. How can we ladies crush on him if we don't know such salient points?