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Sally stood in the small, dark kitchen of the house she had lived in for the past fifty years. Her ears rang and her right shoulder ached. In her hands she held her late husbands shotgun. She wasn’t sure if she was holding the damn thing right, but she did her best to mimic the way she saw Gerry hold it the handful of times she had accompanied him on hunting trips when they were just newlyweds.
Jesus but those were days long past, days when an old lady didn’t have to fear being robbed in the middle of the night by a duo of hoodlums.
Whether she was holding it correctly or not, it still had produced the same wanted effect only moments ago. On the hunting trips with Gerry she always experienced the use of the

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited February 13, 2009).]

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Sally stood in the small, dark kitchen of the house she had lived in for the past fifty years. Her ears rang and her right shoulder ached. In her small wrinkled hands she held her late husbands shotgun. She wasn’t sure if she was holding the damn thing right, but she did her best to mimic the way she had seen Gerry hold it the handful of times she accompanied him on hunting trips when they were just newlyweds.Jesus, but those were days long past; days when an old lady didn’t have to fear being robbed in the middle of the night by a duo of hoodlums.

Whether she was holding it correctly or not the gun still had produced the same wanted effect when she pulled its trigger only moments ago. On those hunting trips of old with Gerry she

In her hands she held her late husbands shotgun.

husbands should be possessive, i.e. "husband's"

She wasn’t sure if she was holding the damn thing right, but she did her best to mimic the way she saw Gerry hold it the handful of times she had accompanied him on hunting trips when they were just newlyweds.

"the way she had seen Gerry hold it during the handful of times she had accompanied him on hunting trips, back when they were just newlyweds" might work a little better, or something like that

Whether she was holding it correctly or not, it still had produced the same wanted effect only moments ago.

This reads a little awkwardly. Something akin to "Whether she was holding it correctly or not, it had still produced the desired effect when she fired it moments ago" might work better. Maybe not that exactly, but something.

On the hunting trips with Gerry she always experienced the use of the gun from a safe distance and even then it was terrible;

"she had always experienced" might work better.

the roar of the shot, the convulsive kicks of the dying game, the blood.

Great, descriptive, graphic line. Kind of like the deleted scene from Bambi.

First hand experience was much worse.

Perfect hook for that last sentence. I can't imagine anyone not continuing to see how much worse (except Bambi).

This flows extremely well so far. Keep up the good work.

Sally is suffering from acute dementia and memory loss in her old age, as well, she tends to spend a lot of time reminising (of the memories she has) to when her husband and son were at home and the place wasn't so lonely, and relates their being gone to the predicament she is in now. I like where I start the story, so I would like to not have to change it. Do you think I could still pull it off if I convey her state of mind a bit clearer?