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I posted the first thirteen of this quite a while back. After one rejection I went back and made some changes. It is now around 7800 words. Hopefully it's better. I'm planning on sending it out again soon and wanted to know if anyone would like to take a look at it. Thanks!
They were heroes, every damn one of them - from Garl himself to the little dwarf Murki. But, as is the case in times of war and peace, heroes have a hard time living up to their reputations. I knew them all - hell, I’d served with them for three bloody years in the south, so they should have been mere men to me. But they weren’t. They were heroes, just as if I were some stick-wielding peasant boy mimicking their greatest victories. I had seen too much to think of them any other way, seen too much of their blood spilled defending those too weak to defend themselves. But I feared them as well. I feared the fire in them. In the winter before the last battle, days after King Agdalard secretly met King Lath at Reirmont, I rode down into
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You know you've done a good job when people don't even post comments--just "gimme!" Guess that answers the question of whether your first 13 lines hook, eh?
I *really* like the way you point out that working cheek-to-jowl with these men for years ought to have made them "mere men" to the MC, and the fact that it didn't makes their heroism all the more powerful . . . Fabulous.
And, since I've no "critiques" to deliver, either, I'd just like to stand in line to read the whole thing also . . . if you need/want any more. Otherwise, you'll just have to let me/us know when and where you get the thing published, so I can sate my curiosity . . .
(lol, yeah. I'm too full of myself to *not* blather on for a while about *something* before delivering my "gimme!" . . . )
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starsin, Tryndakai, pdblake, Thanks for the offers. I'll send it out if you promise not to shoot me later for wasting all of your time!
Posts: 456 | Registered: May 2009
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Shoot you for wasting my time?? As far as my limited literary experience goes, that was an amazing story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Do please let all of us who have done likewise know when and where you plan to get it published at.
Posts: 117 | Registered: Oct 2006
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Thanks starsin. You're too kind. If you like this maybe you could take a look at the first chapters of Smoke From An Ancient Fire sometime. (You might change your mind about shooting me.)
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I'm always willing to read a good yarn. If I like it, I'll say so. If I think it needs work, I'll also say so. If you want, send it my way. I'll take a gander at it.
Posts: 117 | Registered: Oct 2006
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starsin, No doubt about it - it needs work. I'll send it but you don't have to read it any time soon - or at all, for that matter. No problem either way.
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Guess that answers the question of whether your first 13 lines hook, eh?
Otherwise, you'll just have to let me/us know when and where you get the thing published, so I can sate my curiosity . . . 
