posted
But on this opening, well, it's graphic enough I can taste the fish. Yuk!
Suggest deleting "the end" because there'd be two ends closing, right, and they're implied anyhow. And can a head be decapitated?
Might be more enticing to mention who's going to get beaten and tortured, feels a bit distant and abstract as it is and that person or persons would surely win the reader's sympathy, so, more engagement from the reader if they're at least hinted at?
The last two sentences are confusing to me. Which "he" is sweating and which not? A heater blazing beneath them? Sounds odd to me. That last sentence goes from warm to cold then back to warm. I'd suggest establishing first that it's a cold night, then that despite the cold, one at least is sweating from the warm heater.
Hope this helps Pat
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Fish is usually served whole. You tear off the head and eat it once the body of the fish has been consumed.
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posted
On the head, I perhaps should have said, according to the OED "to decapitate" is to "cut off the head of," so I don't think a head can be decapitated.
Perhaps you meant, "the decapitated kohada's head"?
Now that I think of it, maybe show Eugi decapitating the poor thing in a fashion that's more than a normal diner, somehow showing his bloodthirsty personality or foreshadowing the method for a future murder?
And yes, the cop is intriguing.
Hope this helps Pat
Posts: 1796 | Registered: Jun 2007
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