posted
I can't stand to look at my story. I don't know why. Every time I open my "Out of Tadara" document, I get this terrible sense of forboding and dread that I just have to do something else. Anything else.
It's not the story. Can't be. I mean, I love the story. It's my baby. My four-year-old, nigh-incomprehensible, still-in-diapers baby.
Writing on paper, I sometimes can't stop. I think some of the best things I've written were done in the past week or two in a spiral notebook, but when I go over the 45 thousand words I have so far, I find chunks of prose so bad they're Eye of Argon worthy.
I'm a bad storyteller. No, it's true. The story's fine (functionally retarded, you might say, but it's getting better), but the telling of it...I don't think it's something I would read. I hope it will get better. I hope my storytelling skills will improve, because at the moment, it's like listening to a five-year-old tell you about a movie she saw once upon a time: "There was a man with a gun, and another man with a gun, and the first man with the gun took his gun out and shot the other man with the gun, and I don't know why he did it but he did, and the other man died. What's for lunch?"
A bit exaggerated, but you get the picture.
Anyway...my therapist's out of town, so I'm just venting. Feel free to ignore me.
PS--I don't have a therapist.
[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 25, 2006).]
posted
First of all, you're not a bad storyteller. You just told us a story...and, quite frankly, told it well. I completely understood your situation from the tone, structure, etc. of the above account, and what's more...I sympathized with your plight. You connected with the reader.
Subsequently, I deem your storytelling skills effective. Perhaps approaching your current fiction project with the same attitude you seem to take whilst writing posts might circumvent this sense of unease.
Just a thought.
Inkwell --------------- "The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp." -Anonymous
posted
cvgurau, I know the feeling. Boy oh boy, do I know.
I find that, as Inkwell suggested, I write better when I'm not trying to write, that is, when I'm not thinking about making it good writing. Instead, I just try to write the story down as it comes to me, with the mind that I will go back and clean it up later, as Spaceman suggested. It took a lot of practice and mental discipline to form this habit, since my natural tendency was to edit as I wrote. But once I started doing it this way, things improved immensely.
Also, I think there comes a point when the lessons We learn start to sink in, and then they begin to apply themselves naturally when we write, rather than us having to consciously keep them in mind.
All of this boils down to: Take heart, chin up, keep trucking. And good luck!
posted
Have you considered not opening the file and starting again? Or at least taking a break from it and working on another story for awhile?
If your love/hate relationship has tilted into hate, you need to stop the cycle! But you might need some distance from it. Just like with all children (human, non-human or text) every once and a while you need a break. Working on another story for a little bit could let you move past the "Oh, heck, I have to work on this again!" feeling.
Also, stop trying so hard to "write" it. If you can pick up at the "end" and ignore whatever it is about the stuff that comes before that bothers you, try to do it. Enjoy telling the story. The technicals and process can be smoothed over/worked on during edits.
Hang in there, we've all been (and will be again) where you are right now.
I realize that this is a temporary funk, and that I'll eventually get over it, but right now, it sounds like the death knell of my beloved story.
quote:Have you considered not opening the file and starting again?
Oh, heavens no. I've been working on this story for something like four and a half years, and I've started over far too many times as it is. I'm happiest with the current version, but I'm always happiest with the current version, until that "better" idea comes along. If I don't buckle down and stick to it, I'll never finish.
quote:Or at least taking a break from it and working on another story for a while?
I'd like to say that said funk seems to be contagious, and has spread to all forms of fiction, but in all honesty, "Out of Tadara" is my biggest and most important project. Everything else is on the permanent backburner until this is done, or until I get that rare flash of insight in some side story that makes me retrieve it from the depths of my hard drive, blow away all of that digital dust, and start writing it for the first time in who knows how many weeks, months or years. Other stories interest me, but this is the only one I truly love.
quote:First of all, you're not a bad storyteller. You just told us a story...and, quite frankly, told it well.
I would disagree, but I don't want to sound like I'm fishing for complements. Not that I would refuse any outright....
In any case, if my ability to write spectacular fiction was as well developed as my ability to whinge anonymously on the web, then I wouldn't be having this problem. Again, give it time.
quote:Perhaps approaching your current fiction project with the same attitude you seem to take whilst writing posts might circumvent this sense of unease.
Perhaps, but these seem to be two different creatures. Writing a novel is a long, solitary prospect, with no chance of feedback until the story (or scene) is refined again and again until it's as near to perfect as the inner editor can make it. Writing a web forum post demands considerably less dedication and discipline.
In any case, thanks again for the advice.
--Cris
PS--Have I mentioned that I don't have a therapist. I really don't. There is no therapist. The therapist doesn't exist.
[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 25, 2006).]
posted
^^^ I was referring more to your mindset than actual writing procedures. Of course the novel is going to require different tactics than a simple forum post. But that doesn't necessarily restrict your applied attitude/viewpoint on a large-scale project.
This sounds like more of a mind-game than anything else. Therefore, getting your perspective "in gear" might help you focus...or encourage you to take the project a bit less seriously in your own mind, at the very least (I know from personal experience that taking any project too seriously can jeapordize motivation, inspiration, attention span, etc., etc.).
Yes, it is your baby, and yes, it is important...but if you spend too much time with your 'child' you can easily smother it. Smothering is bad (trust me...I've killed more than one story this way). Suffocating your writing can make it come out feeling forced (to both your 'inner editor' and the reader). That's all I was trying to say...about the psychological side of the issue.
Inkwell ----------------- "The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp." -Anonymous
posted
I was just rewriting one of my short stories and I ran into the same problem. I can't stand to read my own stories or even "look" at my own characters. One thing that I found that kind of helps is to jump to random sections and piece the story together out of order, or take breaks while reading.
Frankly, I don't know why it's so difficult to read my work. It's a habit I'd love to break out of, really.
posted
I call it the "critical skills syndrome" because it means your ability to see what's wrong with a piece of writing has outpaced your ability to improve it satisfactorily.
If you keep at it, your writing skills and your rewriting skills will catch up. And then, in a while, your critical skills will outpace them again.
This happens over and over to writers who are growing. If it stops happening, then you can worry, because it may mean you have stopped growing as a writer.
Just hang in there and keep writing. Don't look back at the stuff you've already written. Finish the story, plow ahead, force yourself to do it.
With a novel especially, by the time you get the thing finished, your writing and rewriting skills may have actually had time to improve enough, and you will be able to go back to the stuff you couldn't bear to see and work on it. (You will have distanced yourself from it a little, as well, and that may help, too.)
posted
I think I'm finally getting out of a case of critical paralysis. It just takes a certain amount of butt-in-chair and reading. I think there was a particularly helpful passage in the Speaker for the Dead, where Ela meets the Speaker by the river, and she's thinking about how she ever knows who she is, or something. Knowing a thing about yourself changes who you are. You cannot write the book with the benefit of having finished writing it. The reader will make the journey with you. Though I think there's merit in letting them observe the horizon now and then.
Posts: 366 | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
Cris, I have a two-year-old historical novel project (currently called _Harvest of Spears_) that motivates me to write new stories.
It's my life's dream, in a way -- some of the ideas in it date back to high school -- but because of that, it's daunting to try to write it. (I don't want to write it until I'm good enough to do it justice, after all.) But recently I decided that it's the file that I _will open_ and work on whenever I don't have other active projects going on right that minute. While I've made some progress on it, I've also written three short stories in my effort to avoid opening that file.
Regards, Oliver
Edited to protect super-secret identity
[This message has been edited by oliverhouse (edited September 28, 2006).]
posted
Ok, let me weigh in, I've been working on my sci-fi novel since february of 95, I know that because I coded the date into the story without even thinking about it. But that aside, it is still my baby, always will be, but sometimes I have to shove it off on a babysitter, (in this case either a beta reader or my Mac mini file finder) and work on something else or it would drive me insane.
Secondly, stop taking your work so seriously, as a parent you are overprotecitve, and they are right, you can smother it. If you don't distance for a while and work on something else you are going to kill it. So this is what I would do. Save it on disk, cd or some other removable media. (I recommend all three) and then move the original too. Give the disk to someone else to sit on for a while. Then, when you have calmed down, I'd say three weeks, if you find yourself wanting to work on it, give yourself another week. Wait until you are just BURSTING to work on it....
posted
Yeah, I have had more than a few of those moments in the last decade of trying to write my fantasy series. I know what you mean about opening the document and just feeling so disgusted that you close it immediately and play Solitaire for an hour, trying not to feel depressed that you are not doing your story justice. Very recently, I fell into one of those funks (at word count 173,611), when I felt that my MC was the least motivated character in the book. I would go out with friends, and they constantly asked if I was on my cellphone because I kept muttering my MC's name and asking him to be more interesting. Usually, a good movie gets me out of those modes because it recharges my creative battery and allows me to look at your story from a different angle. I watched Boondock Saints for the first time last week and POOF! I realized my MC was not the least motivated, but I was just so used to his motivation that I was bored by it and looked to the other characters as source of "originality".
Even the most loving parents occasionally get bored of their kids, but separate them for a few days and everything those kids do is suddenly exciting again.
[This message has been edited by Mystic (edited October 02, 2006).]
posted
I've got four or five different novels I'd like to return to someday---I like the characters and plots and settings, but just never got past a few chapters. (None of which are what I'm currently on, which hadn't even been an idea in my head at the beginning of August. Go figure.) Elements and new ideas for them float into my head every so often...at the beginning of this year I started a new version of a novel I've started and stopped at least three times before since the early nineties.
I don't think it's critical paralysis, though it could be...I just think that for a brief time they engaged my interest, and then after working on them awhile they ceased to engage my interest. (Again I'm more hopeful of my last effort, but I usually am while I'm working through it.)
posted
It seems to me that the more time I spend away from this (or any) project, the more relaxed I become. To a point, this is desirable.
To a point.
What must be avoided is becoming so relaxed that I stop caring about it. There's a difference, after all, between not smothering your baby and outright neglecting it.
Thanks, guys, for the help.
PS-- I've been trying to stay away from it (not for the weeks, that EllePepper suggested, but at least some time), but after four years, I find that almost every creative thought I have (that doesn't involve drawing) somehow pertains to this story. Go figure.
posted
I have an idea. Why don't you make a list of all the stuff that's wonderful about your world. Write down the "rules," whether they're rules of magic, rules of weather, whatever they are. Build a database, of sorts, of your world. Then skip the first book that's been bogging you down and start in the middle of some kind of exciting action in the SECOND book - START the book there. You will already know all about your world so you can just refer to it casually in passing, rather than feeling the need to "establish" it (which can bog you down). Familiarity with it in your own mind can liberate you. And moving on to something else (the second book in the series, for instance) can make the first one easier to write - or perhaps it doesn't need to be written at all. Maybe it's all just "prologue," and only needs to exist in your own mind so you are well-grounded in your world. It's just an idea. . .
posted
Ahh, beware...every time I tried working out a thorough and detailed background I wound up writing very little of the story. In what I'm working on right now I'm plunging ahead without knowing too much about the background (or plot)...still seems to be going fine. I know things about nearly all the characters...but I'm still working out details.
Posts: 8809 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yes, Robert, I agree with you, but since he's STUCK, doing something different might "unstick" him. I think he's stuck in the details that want to emerge, that those things are getting in the way of the plot. Writing them down and getting them outside himself might make things move forward for him. It was just an idea.
Personally, I write more like you describe, Robert - I know tons about my characters, I know the setting, situation, and the ending, and then I sit down and start writing, letting the story take me on what's usually a very fun journey! But if you get STUCK somewhere, you need to find a different approach. I do that myself. When I got stuck recently, I sat down and worked on scene ideas on index cards. I NEVER work that way, but I did this time, to try to unstick myself (it worked to some extent, and that's all I really needed to get going again).
Printer-friendly view of this topic
